“Brother!”
I ran straight into my brother’s arms.
My brother, who had been standing stiffly, moved his arms awkwardly. The moment he moved to embrace me felt painfully slow, but even that was good.
His thick arms wrapped around me as if trapping me there, and I could feel the heavy beat of his heart.
His warm, familiar embrace.
My brother’s scent...
And his eyes.
That was enough.
With the look I’d just seen in his eyes, I could let go of every lingering attachment.
The longing and joy spreading through those dark brown eyes.
The sadness, the trembling, the affection I could feel completely without needing any explanation.
No matter how strict my brother had been with me, I realized that he loved me.
Not a cold, blunt, angry face.
That gaze, looking at me like someone he had waited for so long, was enough.
There had been times when I thought my brother wanted to abandon me.
That maybe I was a nuisance to him.
Because my brother always cared about others more than me.
Because he was everyone’s Hero more than he was my brother.
So I had thought maybe I was less than a speck of dust to him.
Maybe I was nothing more than a pitiful stray cat, yowling and begging for love.
Had I been waiting for him to notice and tell me I was wrong, even though I had never once told him how I felt?
That made no sense.
But now, I felt like I knew even without him saying it.
My brother was someone who chose others over me.
The kingdom.
The king of this country.
But just as much as all that...
He loved me too.
‘Right, brother?’
I buried my face in his chest, pressed my nose into him, and rubbed my head back and forth like I was acting cute.
“Brother. Did you get back safely?”
My voice came out muffled.
It was buried against his chest and almost impossible to hear.
But my brother seemed to understand, because he slowly stroked my hair.
“Ren.”
His low, deep, gentle voice reached me.
“Ren.”
Instead of answering, I tightened my arms around him even more.
Could there be a more perfect moment than this?
If I had to choose my last memory with my brother, I would choose this one.
His two hands holding me tightly as if trapping me there.
His head resting against my shoulder.
The sound of his heart, beating like a drum.
His burning warmth.
A memory that would feel warm no matter what freezing day I pulled it out on.
This was enough.
***
My brother left again soon after.
He said there were matters he had to resolve.
“Lord Ren! Have you been well? Goodness, your face has shrunk to half its size!”
Kirky came in his place.
He made a huge fuss about how the Heroes had crossed the distance from the borderlands to the royal palace in one burst, at the speed of light.
“I was so motion sick! I only just managed to recover, you know?”
And Kirky’s complexion did look noticeably thinner than before he’d left.
“Are you all right? More importantly, shouldn’t you go see Coco?”
“Hm. To be honest, I’m debating that. I have to return to Media anyway, so wouldn’t seeing my face in the middle of all this only make her feel more upset?”
His playful expression turned serious.
Well.
I understood that feeling somewhat now.
Because now I could understand why my brother had tried to leave without saying goodbye to me.
“But still, it would be better to go see her, wouldn’t it? If she misses me, she’ll treat me even better! Hahahaha!”
“Kirky, seriously.”
I shook my head.
But seeing him so cheerful made me feel relieved.
Coco would be all right, because Kirky was beside her.
“Oh? Lord Ren, your expression is strange.”
“W-what do you mean! And you’re too close! Stop shoving your face at me!”
“Oh my. Do you dislike seeing my handsome face up close? Hm. How strange! I quite enjoy seeing Ren’s face up close...”
Aaaagh!
I can’t live like this!
Kirky grabbed my shoulders with the same hand he’d been eating biscuits with and pushed his face close to mine.
Seen up close, Kirky’s eyes were as clear as an autumn sky after rain, without a single cloud.
As I stared blankly into his eyes, Kirky grinned.
“Lord Ren.”
Kirky called me in a sorrowful voice and shook his head. His long hair swayed with the motion.
“You must not fall for me. I am a body already returned to God, and...”
“What are you talking about?! I didn’t fall for you!”
“Hehehe. You need not hide it. These eyes of Kirky see everything.”
Kirky spoke playfully, but his eyes narrowed for a moment.
He stared at me so intently that it felt like he really was seeing something inside me.
Even if he seemed like someone who smiled without thinking, Kirky was the high priest’s foremost disciple.
I knew now that someone like that couldn’t possibly be a person who only laughed foolishly all the time.
When I awkwardly met Kirky’s gaze, he smiled brightly again.
“I do not know what sort of decision you have made, Lord Ren, but you remember our promise from last time, don’t you?”
“What promise?”
“Kirky offered a prayer of oath for you, didn’t he? Ren, whose Aras is clean, will certainly become perfectly healthy. So long as you cross the path of trials before you well.”
“......”
“Don’t make that sulky face. It must be because God loves you far too much. This Kirky will help you, Ren.”
He kept saying things I couldn’t understand.
But I didn’t question him closely.
For some reason, understanding what he meant felt frightening.
And either way, this was a bond I would soon leave behind.
I was putting everything around me in order.
I had already written every letter I meant to leave.
“I would like to wear one of those round halos angels wear at least once someday!”
Whether I listened or not, Kirky chattered excitedly on his own.
“Are you going to Coco?”
“Would you like to come with me?”
Kirky asked back with a bright smile.
“I have business in the capital. I thought I might see her briefly.”
“Hehe. You’re embarrassed to go out alone, aren’t you? Very well. Come with me!”
“Let’s say that’s what it is.”
In the end, even I laughed at Kirky’s teasing.
Kirky left the room with a proud expression, saying he’d see me in a little while.
Once he was gone, the room fell silent.
It had been a very long time since I’d been alone in this huge room, and for a moment I froze.
It felt strange somehow.
At some point, I, who had always been alone, had come to be with everyone.
I was surrounded by so many people now that it was hard to remember what being alone had felt like.
It was only last winter that I told Luman I didn’t want to build meaningless bonds if we were only going to part soon anyway.
I walked to the terrace.
When I pulled back the curtains and opened the door, slightly cool air rushed in.
Below the terrace, flowers were blooming in the garden.
It was only just spring.
And yet so many things had changed.
“...!”
Suddenly, pain squeezed my heart, and I staggered, gripping the railing tightly.
Cold sweat slid down my back.
A dizzying sensation wrapped around my body again and again.
If I let go for even a moment, I felt like I would collapse.
Will I even make it to summer?
Caw. Caw. Caw.
I didn’t know how many minutes passed while I struggled not to fall.
When I’d calmed down a little, the sound of a crow brought me back to myself.
A crow perched on the railing across from me, staring at me with black eyes.
Seeing those glossy black eyes somehow eased my heart.
Should I say goodbye to you before I go too?
“Ah, right.”
I shoved my trembling hand into my clothes and quickly swallowed a pill.
It was the medicine the old apothecary had newly made and left for me.
He’d told me to take it when the pain worsened.
I hadn’t known it would hurt this badly so soon.
“Where the hell... did that old man go?”
Tsk.
I grumbled for no reason.
I knew he was going around trying to find any way to extend my life even a little.
But still.
I just wanted to rest comfortably.
“Urgh. It tastes awful.”
I stuck my tongue out long and shuddered.
The medicine the old man gave me this time tasted terrible.
Ugh.
Holding my face as though it might spasm, I slowly steadied my breathing.
After a little while, blood returned to my stiff hands.
Moving was still difficult, so I stayed still.
Then—
“Ren. What are you doing out there? May I come in?”
Jepeto’s voice reached me.
“What is it?”
Swallowing hard, I answered as calmly as I could without turning around.
How long had he been there?
He had only just spoken, so he must have just come in, right?
What had I looked like earlier?
‘I didn’t scream. I didn’t make a sound. There was nothing for him to notice. If he asks, I’ll say I felt dizzy for a moment. Don’t get worked up for no reason.’
“There’s something I’d like to ask you, Ren.”
Jepeto’s voice sounded closer than before.
But I couldn’t turn around.
I wasn’t confident I could hide my complexion too.
Left with no choice, I spoke without looking at him.
“...Ask me.”
