I quietly looked down at the sparse leaves, the flowers that had bloomed early, the gardener standing on a ladder to prune the branches, and the servants busily passing nearby.
"Um..."
At last, Jepeto opened his mouth. His hesitant voice brushed against the back of my head.
"Ren. There’s something I want to ask you seriously."
As if nervous, Jepeto repeated himself.
I was still struggling to steady my breathing. Secretly wiping away cold sweat, I hoped Jepeto’s question would be nothing serious.
"Please don’t avoid it, and answer honestly."
"..."
What kind of question was he trying to ask that he was dragging it out this much?
I turned my head and looked at Jepeto. And then both of us ended up startled.
I was startled by Jepeto’s face, the dark circles beneath his eyes making him look as though he hadn’t slept all night, and Jepeto...
"Why is your complexion like that?"
He was startled by my face.
"Why?"
While touching my cheek, I furrowed my brows and brushed off his concern.
"It’s because I ate something disgusting. What did you want to ask? You’ve just been hesitating this whole time."
"Ah... Haa, well."
As though his thoughts were tangled, Jepeto paced nearby and brushed back his hair. Then Jepeto lifted the gaze that had been wandering across the floor and met my eyes once again.
"As the physician who cared for Ren, and also as a friend who shared friendship with Ren, and..."
His lips twitched, and as though he had finally made up his mind, his eyes widened.
"As an adult, and as the guardian who protected Ren, I’ll ask."
Drawing in a breath, Jepeto continued at once.
"Is your health very bad?"
Only my lips twitched.
If I didn’t answer, the atmosphere would become strange.
"Well."
The moment I parted my lips, I regretted it immediately. I had no idea what I should say. Jepeto seemed half certain already, and looking at his sincere eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to lie. Saying I was fine, that kind of thing was a kind lie. Saying something like that should be okay! But frustratingly, my mouth wouldn’t open.
"It’s not."
"..."
I barely managed to force out an answer, but Jepeto only stared at me silently.
It would be hard to believe such a weak voice answering after so long. My wavering gaze, and Jepeto’s eyes stubbornly staring at me like that.
The look in his eyes slowly dimmed.
"I thought something was strange. I wondered why you kept looking somewhere far away."
Haah. Letting out a breath, he lowered his gaze to the floor.
"To think someone calling himself a physician only realized now while staying by your side. Has your condition worsened? Since when? Do Lord Luman and Lord Temar know?"
What kind of excuse should I make? My head spun tightly, then soon turned completely blank.
"Je, Jepeto..."
Because when he lifted his head, he was crying.
"Wh-why are you crying? No..."
"Why are you carrying all of that alone? Why?"
"No..."
"Why. Were we, was I, really that unreliable...?"
"Calm down! Why are you crying like that?! It’s not like that! Will you please listen when someone’s talking-!"
In the end I shouted loudly while huffing, but Jepeto only shook his head while tears streamed down drop by drop.
Why is he crying so sadly! This is driving me insane!
Even the pain from earlier got startled and ran away. How are you supposed to comfort a fully grown adult!
"Ren."
"I didn’t say anything because I hate reactions like this! Because I hate those kinds of eyes!"
If left alone, he looked ready to keep crying forever. Jepeto didn’t even wipe his tears away. Drop after drop rolled down his cheeks, gathered at his chin, and fell, staining the terrace floor in scattered spots.
"I’m the one who’s sick, so why is Jepeto making that face? Stop crying already. It’s annoying."
What was with looking at me like that? Why look at me with such pitiful eyes, such sad eyes?
I hated having my weak side exposed, and I hated fussing around like someone who had shown something ugly.
It was embarrassing. So irritating.
And at the same time... the fact that somewhere inside, I had wanted someone to grieve for me like this.
Ridiculous. After hurting even Peruan and Coco’s hearts. And still, who was I hoping would cry for me like this again?
I thought blankly. Still, it really was a good thing I hadn’t told my brother.
The memory I would hate most after leaving would probably become this moment.
But then.
"I’m sorry."
"...?"
Jepeto apologized. Even while tears still kept falling from his eyes.
"I should have been a dependable enough adult for you to lean on."
"..."
"Does Lord Veron know?"
When I nodded, he nodded as well.
"And Lord Luman and Lord Temar don’t know."
"Don’t tell them."
"I’m a physician who has taken a sacred oath. I have a duty to protect my patient’s illness, so please don’t worry."
Jepeto’s eyelashes were soaked through with tears, making them look damp.
Unable to bear watching him, I walked over and wiped away his tears with my sleeve.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No."
After rejecting him immediately, I added afterward.
"Don’t tell anyone else."
"I’ll keep the secret. But I’ll look for a method in my own way. I’m your attending physician, so I can’t simply let go and do nothing."
Jepeto really is... a strange adult.
He doesn’t yell, and instead says he’s sorry. He listens carefully to what I say, and while calling himself my guardian, genuinely tries to protect me.
Come to think of it, he was like that before too. Asking how my heart felt, saying we needed to look inside it.
Without me even realizing it, Jepeto had taught me many things.
In a different way from the others.
Enough that if I had grown up normally, it felt like I might have had an older brother like Jepeto.
"Don’t hide things in front of me anymore."
"I said I got it, so stop acting cheesy. Did Luman rub off on you?"
"Haha."
Jepeto let out an awkward laugh.
He asked who else knew about my illness, and even asked whether it would be all right to discuss it with them. I told him Coco, Peruan, and the old man knew, and asked him not to discuss it.
"It’s just... I hate even talking about things like that. Just treat me the same as before, like back when you didn’t know."
"Understood."
He answered bitterly, but didn’t ask further questions.
Then, with a wistful look in his eyes, he said, "You matured far too early," and for some reason that made me irrationally angry. It just pissed me off for no reason!
Fortunately, the commotion with Jepeto quietly settled down. Around the time the redness faded from his face after crying so much, Kirky came by saying it was time to leave. He was carrying a small bundle over his shoulder. When I asked what it was, Kirky grinned mischievously and said it was a gift for Coco.
"Uh, I still haven’t finished packing."
"Priest, then why don’t you have a conversation with me?"
"Hm? All right! Doctor! But your complexion doesn’t look very good. This Kirky, the High Priest’s perfect disciple, shall take a look at you."
"Wh-what?! Ah, no, I’m perfectly fine..."
"Ahem. No refusing now!"
Both Jepeto and Kirky winked at me.
Ah, they were buying time so I could finish packing.
No, but... couldn’t they just quietly wait?
Anyway, they’re weird.
Listening to the two of them chatting noisily, I gathered the things I would take with me.
The letters had already been prepared so they would be discovered after I left. I also carefully packed the travel funds Giselle had prepared for me. He had said he would protect me until I was completely far from the capital, until my brother could no longer find me.
What does pity mean?
Maybe I should have asked when he personally came to deliver the message.
No, hearing it for no reason would probably have made things feel complicated. That’s why I didn’t ask back then either.
Shaking away my thoughts, I busily moved my hands.
There wasn’t much to take.
It felt regrettable to leave the rocking chair behind, but...
To begin with, I didn’t have many belongings, so there wasn’t much to pack. I pulled on the thick coat Luman had given me and sat down in the rocking chair.
"Huh? Ren! Isn’t that coat too warm? In weather like this, if you wear a fur coat like that, your body will break out in—whoa. Doctor, what are you doing?!"
"Well, isn’t that simply personal preference! Haha. Priest, instead of that, why don’t we continue the story you were telling?"
"Huh? I never realized the doctor liked me this much. Hehe, very well. Then I shall tell you of the humiliation I suffered while under the High Priest! It all began exactly seven years ago, from the first moment I stood before the High Priest. He said to me..."
At my feet sat the music box I had broken before, and that the old man had repaired.
The music box that had changed the snowy scenery into a night sky filled with falling stars.
Inside that music box was the old man’s black magic. The light that had bloomed from his fingertips and seeped into the music box was still sparkling inside me even now.
"I finished packing."
"Shall we go! Lord Ren, are you really wearing that thick coat—!"
"Priest! Let us hurry. Lady Gannion must be waiting. Haha."
Jepeto awkwardly laughed while pulling Kirky along. Jepeto really is... such an idiot!
Was he doing that to match my mood, or because he thought I would feel cold since I was sick?
Ah, I forgot to tell him Kirky knows too.
Blankly blinking my eyes, I hurried over at Kirky’s call.
With the music box hidden deep inside my cloak.
