December 3, 2020
"It’s late. I’ll walk you to your room."
"I can go by myself."
"I just want to see your face for a little longer."
Cabelenus reached his hand out to Alicia without hesitation. She hesitated for a moment before finally taking it. Neither of them were particularly talkative, yet tonight they had spoken more than ever before. And in doing so, the tense atmosphere between them had softened.
"Did you like the tea from before? They say it helps with sleep. If you want, I can have them bring it again tonight."
"I appreciate the thought, but I can ask a maid myself."
"Then what about a late-night snack?"
"That, too, I can manage on my own."
Alicia firmly shook her head.
"Then—"
"There’s no need for you to do things for me. And especially not things I can do myself."
"But...."
"I’m alive, Cabelenus. I’m here, right in front of you."
Alicia smiled faintly.
"...Right. You are."
Cabelenus smiled along with her.
"And yet, I still can’t shake this fear."
"What are you so afraid of?"
"I lost you once before. I still can’t forget what it felt like to hold your cold, lifeless body."
"But that wasn’t me."
"I didn’t know that then."
His grip tightened, but Alicia pretended not to notice. Though his face remained unreadable, his hands were trembling slightly.
"...Was it that painful for you?"
"More than anything."
The shift in atmosphere was undeniable. Yet, despite the awkwardness, there was something comforting in the way their footsteps naturally aligned. Just as Cabelenus was trying his best to respond honestly, Alicia tried her best to meet him in kind.
"Then... what do you think will help you move on?"
"What about you? What do you think will help you?"
"......."
"You said you still have nightmares."
Because of the things I said to you.
Cabelenus’s lips pressed together.
"I want you to apologize."
"I can apologize as many times as you want—"
"Not to me. To Mikael."
Alicia met his gaze head-on.
"Mikael doesn’t remember anything. But that doesn’t mean your words never happened."
"I...."
"Just because he was too young to understand doesn’t mean you can ignore it. I want you to apologize to him. Because no child should have had to hear the things you said."
"Isn’t he too young for that kind of conversation?"
"You don’t have to tell him everything. But you can still apologize."
Alicia’s gaze didn’t waver for a second.
"My mother always told me that words carry weight. That we should take responsibility for the things we say. And I believe that too."
"......."
"We can’t just pretend nothing happened. So please, apologize. I think that’s where it should start."
Alicia lifted the corners of her lips slightly.
Cabelenus stared at her for a long moment before finally lowering his head.
"I’ll try."
"......."
"What? Was that the wrong thing to say?"
Cabelenus frowned slightly in confusion.
"No, I just... find it surprising."
"Surprising?"
"I thought you never changed your mind once you’d made a decision."
"I told you, didn’t I? I want to try. I wouldn’t say something like that if I didn’t mean it."
The tension in Cabelenus’s shoulders eased.
Alicia slowed her steps slightly, glancing at him. It had taken so long to get to this point, but even that time felt worth it. And despite everything, she felt at ease. Ever since arriving in Schwarhan, her heart had been restless, but for the first time, she felt like she could breathe.
"...James?"
No matter how much they slowed their steps, they inevitably reached their destination.
Standing in front of her door, Alicia spotted James. Startled, she quickly pulled her hand away from Cabelenus’s—but James’s gaze had already landed on their intertwined fingers.
"What brings you here this late?"
"Mikael fell asleep, but I didn’t want to enter your room without permission, so I waited."
Even though he had clearly seen everything, James smiled.
Alicia forced an awkward smile in return and quickly stepped forward.
"You waited all this time? That must have been a hassle. Give him to me."
"No, I’ll carry him."
"I should."
There was only one child, but more than one outstretched hand.
Alicia took a deep breath before reaching out again.
"I’ll take him. That’s for the best."
"I’ll do it. He’s heavy."
Cabelenus quickly extended his arms.
Mikael had been growing rapidly—perhaps from eating well, or perhaps because he was going through a late growth spurt. The child Alicia had once carried so easily had become too heavy for her to hold for long.
"Even so, I want to carry him. I still can."
Alicia gently stroked Mikael’s cheek. Even in his sleep, the child instinctively smiled at the familiar touch.
"Come here, Mikael."
"Mmm... Mama...."
At moments like this, he was still just a child.
Alicia smiled softly as she cradled him in her arms. Even as he whined in his sleep, Mikael instinctively wrapped his arms around her neck. He always knew his mother, even in his dreams.
"I’m sorry, but I’ll be heading in first."
"Alright. See you tomorrow."
James quickly stepped forward to open the door for her.
Cabelenus watched, his lips twitching slightly before he stepped forward and opened the remaining half of the door himself.
"Tomorrow, let’s talk about Roakin. I received some good news about them. I wanted to share it with you."
"Roakin?"
"That was the conversation I meant to have with you today, but as you know, we had other things to discuss."
"I see. Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, then."
"Yes. Tomorrow."
Cabelenus smiled in satisfaction at her answer.
Alicia gave a small nod, albeit awkwardly.
Meanwhile, James bit his lip hard. There was no need for words—he could already tell.
The air between them had changed.
***
Even after the door had closed, Cabelenus remained standing there for a long time.
James stood beside him, but that hardly mattered. They were not the kind of people who engaged in friendly conversations.
"I may be a little late in saying this, but thank you, Your Highness."
"Thank me? What do you have to thank me for?"
This translation is the intellectual property of Novelight.
"For saving Alicia and Mikael."
James spoke evenly, but his clenched fists betrayed his suppressed emotions. His face was red with anger, yet he was doing his best to act as if he weren’t.
Cabelenus let out a short laugh.
"That’s not something you should be thanking me for."
"It’s a family matter to me."
A small, polite smile played on James’s lips.
"Family?"
Cabelenus’s eyebrow arched slightly.
"Yes. Family."
"You really do say the most amusing things."
"Blood doesn’t determine family."
James’s knuckles turned white. He was afraid of the man before him—anyone would be. Those beast-like golden eyes had torn apart countless battlefields. And yet, he refused to step back.
Cabelenus might be Mikael’s biological father, but that didn’t change everything. James had something Cabelenus would never have—the past eight years.
"I was there the day Mikael was born. And I’ve been with him every day since."
"So what? Do you expect me to be impressed?"
"Yes."
"Ridiculous."
Cabelenus let out a short scoff, but James met his gaze without flinching.
"Eight years ago, when I found Alicia again, she was covered in blood. She was barely alive. I still don’t know how she managed to survive the blizzard and make it to the village."
"......."
"I saved her. And I spent more time with her than she ever spent in this castle."
"And what exactly are you trying to say?"
Cabelenus’s lips twisted into a smirk.
"As soon as Mikael’s safety is secured, I’m taking Alicia away from here."
James lifted his chin in defiance.
"You’re leaving? And who gave you that right?"
"Isn’t it time you let her go?"
"You’re spouting nonsense."
Cabelenus turned his head, visibly irritated. This wasn’t even worth listening to.
"Neither Alicia nor Mikael belong in this place."
"That’s not for you to decide."
"No matter how much you try to keep them, the world will never accept them."
"Who cares what the world thinks?"
"Only you can afford to think that way. If Mikael had been born to a properly wedded empress and carried the imperial symbol, things might be different. But as it stands—"
"And what does any of that matter?"
Cabelenus gritted his teeth. He had no patience for this kind of talk.
"Just look at the current Emperor. Even he is constantly questioned for lacking golden eyes. What do you think they’ll say about Mikael?"
"You talk as if you understand nobility better than I do. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were the aristocrat here."
Cabelenus sneered mockingly.
"I’m just stating the obvious."
"The obvious? More like your narrow-minded opinion."
"It’s common sense."
"Is it?"
"Think about it. Mikael wasn’t born from a recognized marriage. He doesn’t bear the imperial symbol. No one will ever accept him."
"You don’t know that."
Cabelenus’s voice was eerily calm. If Mikael wanted it, he was prepared to give him the title of Grand Duke of Schwarhan. And if Mikael wanted nothing to do with it, then so be it. His hair color, his eye color—none of that mattered. And if push came to shove, there were secrets buried deep in the imperial family’s history—secrets about the blood they had spilled to maintain their so-called "purity." If necessary, he would dig them up.
"Don’t speak so carelessly."
"And you’d best hold your tongue as well. I’m only tolerating you because you’re a guest in my house."
"And what exactly have you tolerated?"
"Your pathetic excuses, using Alicia and Mikael as a shield to hide your own insecurities."
"......."
"You’re terrified she might come back to me, aren’t you?"
Cabelenus chuckled darkly.
James thought he was hiding it well. But he wasn’t. Cabelenus could see right through him—his nervousness, his jealousy, his fear.
"Unlike some people, I don’t show my face to a child I once tried to kill."
"That’s not for you to bring up."
"And I certainly wouldn’t go out of my way to keep my room far from Alicia’s."
"You should be grateful you even have a room to stay in."
"Do you feel no guilt at all?"
"I already told you—that’s none of your concern."
Cabelenus’s gaze sharpened.
"You’ve deluded yourself into thinking you’re part of this family. But no matter how much you struggle, you’re nothing more than an outsider. You have no place in this."
"......."
"I won’t deny my past. You’re right—I made mistakes. And I spent years doing nothing about them. But so did you."
Cabelenus’s lips curled slightly, revealing the sharp glint of his teeth.
A man fighting for his mate would always recognize his rival. No matter how much James tried to dress it up, his desires were obvious.
"Nobles train in swordsmanship as a formality. But you know what? It’s useless on an actual battlefield."
"......."
"Out there, there’s no room for pretense. You swing your sword to survive. You crush others underfoot just to live another day."
Cabelenus’s golden eyes flashed coldly.
James was nothing like him.
Cabelenus had been at the bottom. He had crawled through the filth and clawed his way up. He had no interest in grace or refinement. He was willing to beg like a dog if it meant keeping Alicia’s attention on him for even a moment.
That was what desperation looked like.
James, who couldn’t even bring himself to bare his feelings properly, wasn’t even worth comparing.
"Don’t delude yourself. Whether I was here or not, you would have done nothing."
"......."
"I can do whatever it takes. But you? You’re too afraid of losing even what little you have."
"What the hell are you talking about—"
"So stop acting like a dog whining for scraps and behave properly."
Cabelenus’s golden eyes gleamed, his pupils narrowing into slits.
He was waiting for Alicia’s choice.
But that didn’t mean he would sit still.
The choice belonged to the female.
But eliminating a rival?
That was the male’s job.
