November 30, 2020
"Not just the Emperor—you were his son too, weren’t you?"
"To my father, I was only my mother’s son. He feared her, so he only ever saw me as an extension of her power."
The mother Cabelenus remembered was not a kind woman. Not once had she nursed him at her breast, nor had she ever embraced him with warmth. But she was a woman perfectly suited to the title of Empress. Born into the prestigious Melta Ducal House, she had ascended to the position naturally and had never once forgotten her place. She always stood tall, unwavering in her decisions, embodying an almost sculpted sense of authority.
"If there was ever a person who could be called perfect, I would have thought it was my mother."
"......."
"Though my father must have been terrified of her."
His father had been the complete opposite. Born a prince, he had stumbled onto the throne purely by accident, caught in the power struggles of his older siblings. He had no real aptitude for ruling. His authority had only been upheld because of his marriage to the Duke of Melta’s daughter, but that also meant he feared his father-in-law. And his wife, who was a mirror image of the man he dreaded, became a burden to him. That was why he had been so easily ensnared by a concubine—a mere dancer offered to him as tribute. The woman who would later become Jerpeneus’s mother.
"The ridiculous thing is, my mother loved him. A man she barely exchanged a kind word with. A man who loved another woman."
"......."
"It was a tragedy waiting to happen. My mother could never forgive his infidelity, and my father wanted nothing more than to protect his lover and their son."
His mother had assumed his father would cave easily, but he hadn't. He built his own faction, determined to make his lover Empress and their son the future Emperor.
"My father was never a competent man. He was obsessed with making my half-brother the Emperor, but he had no foresight for the consequences of his actions."
"...May I ask what happened?"
"His lover was made an example of."
"......."
"That was when it all started. My father’s obsession with golden eyes. The experiments."
The temple would never accept an Emperor without golden eyes. They branded Jerpeneus’s mother as the worst kind of seductress and had her executed. And it was none other than his father who had ordered her death. Desperate to shed his reputation as a tyrant, he sacrificed the woman he loved with his own hands. The decision broke him. As time passed, he fell deeper into madness. And that madness turned against those who remained.
Cabelenus closed his eyes. That day no longer stirred any emotion within him, yet one thing remained unforgettable.
"It was an experiment—injecting the blood of monsters into the human body. It started with minute amounts, gradually increasing to build resistance."
"Resistance...?"
"Yes. Many died in the process, and some lost control to the power and went berserk. That’s how the Shackles were created."
"......."
"As soon as the Shackles were perfected, my father used them to destroy my mother. The ones who went berserk never lived long, but for the time they did, they were incredibly powerful."
Cabelenus’s eyes clouded. He could no longer remember his mother’s face. Her features had blurred, as if water had seeped into paper, leaving only a vague outline.
"My mother surrendered me to my father—to save her people."
"What...?"
Alicia’s voice trembled noticeably.
"It was the rational choice. If sacrificing me could resolve the situation, then it was a simple decision to make."
"......."
"From that day on, I became one of the test subjects. And the only one who survived, even after carrying the blood of a monster."
Yet, in the end, most of his mother’s people perished anyway.
Cabelenus let out a bitter chuckle. His father had never kept his promise. He hunted down those closest to his mother one by one, bleeding her dry in the cruelest way imaginable.
"It was his version of revenge."
"Revenge? That wasn’t revenge. And even if ✧ NоvеIight ✧ (Original source) it was, he directed it at the wrong person."
"He couldn’t defeat the temple. He needed someone else to take out his anger on."
"......."
"You don’t have to look at me like that. It’s all in the past now."
Alicia clenched her fists tightly. The detachment in his voice made it hard to breathe. He spoke as if recounting another person’s story, his face utterly devoid of emotion.
"Just because it’s in the past doesn’t mean it isn’t painful."
"It’s not painful. After the experiments, I lost most of my ability to feel emotions. I only try to recall what they once felt like, so I don’t forget entirely."
Even if he could no longer remember his mother’s face, he could still vividly recall her eyes—the way they burned with resolve as she made him swear an oath.
Cabelenus cautiously reached for Alicia. His fingertips brushed against her eyelashes, damp with tears.
"When I saw you in Neuschwein Castle, you reminded me of my mother."
The last image he had of his mother was of her drenched in his father’s blood. She had stood over the man she once loved, the man who had stolen everything from her, stabbing him again and again. The elegant Empress was gone, replaced by a woman consumed by raw, unfiltered rage, her screams echoing with anguish.
"You don’t look alike at all. But the way you always held yourself upright, no matter the situation... that was similar."
Of course, he had soon realized how different she truly was.
Cabelenus murmured, his voice low.
"It was my mother who killed my father."
"......."
"And I was the one who killed my mother. That was my first act of murder."
"...You killed her?"
"The Shackles engraved upon me... That’s what they are. An absolute command. Even if it came from a dying man, I had no choice but to obey."
His lips curled downward, the weight of old memories pulling at them. Back then, the experiments had only recently concluded. He had still possessed remnants of emotion—enough to cry. But not anymore.
Even as he recalled the sight of his parents, drenched in blood, the thought of grief did not even cross his mind. He understood, rationally, that it had been a tragedy. But he could not feel it.
"I’m not like other people. Talking about this doesn’t bring me pain. If anything, I just hope it will make you pity me."
Cabelenus’s grip tightened. Amidst the numbness, Alicia was the only thing that felt real. He refused to let her slip away.
"Saying ‘don’t pity me’ is a luxury. Pity, sympathy—it’s all just an excuse. A means to an end."
"......."
"I would rather you pity me than turn away from me. At least that way, I’ll have more chances to see you, to speak with you."
"...I don’t want to pity you."
Alicia’s hand covered the back of his own. She was struggling to hold back tears.
"You say that, but you look like you’re about to cry."
"That’s not it."
"I always thought you were strong. That you had everything, that you could do anything with ease."
Her head drooped.
"It was my own prejudice. In the end, you were just human too. But I forced my own image onto you, without ever realizing it."
"......."
"I’m not going to justify what you’ve done. Your words have still left scars on me. But... even so, I regret it."
This translation is the intellectual property of Novelight.
"I wish we had talked more."
Alicia clenched her fists desperately, trying to hide the tears that were falling. But no matter how tightly she gripped, she couldn’t stop the fabric of her sleeve from growing damp.
"Now I can finally say it properly. We never loved each other. Not even once."
"......."
"We were both too immature to love anyone properly. Things that are natural for others... were impossibly difficult for us. In the end, we just poured our emotions onto each other however we pleased."
Unable to hold back any longer, Alicia loosened her grip, allowing her tears to fall freely. Now, she understood why she had never been able to forget Cabelenus. It was because he had been her first. Their emotions had led the way, but they had never truly known what they were doing.
"...Eight years ago, you were always overwhelming to me. Compared to you, I had nothing. I felt so insignificant that I couldn’t help but be on edge all the time."
"......."
"I never knew when you might change your mind. I was constantly worried, always thinking about you more than myself. If I do this, you’ll get tired of me. If I do that, you might lose interest. I was always walking on eggshells."
"I would never have tired of you."
"But I didn’t know that. The only things I could rely on were your words and your actions."
Alicia slowly raised her head. Her tear-streaked eyes were red and swollen.
"What about you? What were you thinking back then?"
"...I was anxious."
"You were anxious too?"
"At first, because you reminded me of my mother. Then, because I saw myself in your longing for death. And then..."
"It’s okay. Go on."
"...At some point, I just wanted to have you completely."
Cabelenus placed his hand over Alicia’s. Even now, his gaze softened at the sight of her. Even now, the sight of a single tear from her made his chest ache.
"Until the moment you asked me to hold you, I never even considered it. I thought you were just... an irritation. That if I took you for myself, the feeling would disappear soon enough."
It had been such a foolish assumption. A hot breath escaped through Cabelenus’s clenched teeth.
"If it were me now, I wouldn’t have held you."
"...So, do you regret it?"
"I’ve regretted it every day, ever since the day I thought you had died."
Back then, he had thought it would be simple. Just another battlefield, another conquest—he would take what he wanted, and that would be the end of it. He had prioritized his curiosity over any consideration for a fallen princess.
"You’re different from me, then. I’ve never regretted that day."
"......."
"That day, I cried my heart out. I used you as an excuse to finally let go of all the emotions I had been suppressing. It was the first time I had ever cried like that."
"You really..."
"Isn’t it strange? We spent the same time together, yet we were thinking completely different things."
Alicia let out a faint smile. But Cabelenus couldn’t bring himself to smile back. Instead, he lowered his head. The corners of his eyes were now tinged red.
"...If I had truly listened to you back then, would things have been different?"
"Maybe. Maybe not."
"I regret it. You’ve always been like that to me—someone I could never go back to, someone I could only think about endlessly, even knowing it was meaningless."
"......."
"When I think of you, I remember your tears more than your smiles."
Cabelenus gently wiped away the tears lingering on the back of her hand.
"You never had any greed. No matter what was given to you, you accepted it calmly. You always gave up so easily."
"It’s because I never had anything of my own. It felt unfamiliar."
"That terrified me. I was always afraid that you would turn your back on me just as easily. It made me impatient. I wanted to have everything before it was too late."
"And what was it that you wanted?"
"To keep my promise to my mother."
Cabelenus’s expression twisted. Even as she lay dying, his mother had never lowered her head. Instead, her voice had been sharp with fury as she demanded vengeance from her son. Even as she lay beside her dying husband, she had cursed him. She had ordered Cabelenus to give everything to Jerpeneus, to let him revel in the illusion of happiness—only to take it all away when he was at his peak.
"After my parents died and everything was settled as if it had never happened, I didn’t know what to do. Everything felt meaningless. I had no idea what was right or wrong anymore."
"......."
"So I clung to my mother’s last wish. It was the only way I could honor her."
He had been nothing but a child who had yet to even undergo his coming-of-age ceremony. His body had been weak, too frail to wield a sword properly. He had nearly died on the battlefield countless times. But he had survived.
The more he wielded a blade, the more familiar the stench of blood became. The more battles he fought, the more infamy he accumulated. But he had never stopped to question any of it. He had lived for nothing but his mother’s words.
That was the kind of life he had learned.
"I’m not normal. And I never will be. What people call justice—it’s different from what I know."
"......."
"But I want to try. I want to listen to you. I want to be the kind of person you need."
If only you would allow it.
Cabelenus’s hand tightened around Alicia’s. She didn’t answer. Instead, after a long silence, she slowly moved her fingers, intertwining them with his.
Words alone could never resolve everything. But she couldn’t stop the way her heart pounded.
They had held hands before. Kissed before. Spent countless nights together.
But this was the first time either of them had felt like they had truly reached each other.
