Chapter 87: I’m doing it
No amount of words would get to Michael. He had shut his mind and shut his heart, sticking to the decision he made.
The decision that he didn’t know why he made.
To him, he would do anything to keep Noah by himself, even if that meant lying but he just didn’t know why he suddenly came to the decision that he wanted Noah to leave.
He didn’t want him around anymore.
It was just for the moment, and maybe he would come to regret it, but that didn’t matter. Right at that moment when his resolve was still solid, he decided to act.
For so many reasons, Noah could not stay with him.
So, in the end, the happiness they felt together had just been a dream. At least, it could pass off as a dream because once Noah was gone, it was the end, and if he told himself this, he would get over this.
He would be able to move on.
He hoped.
"Michael, please," Noah pleaded with desperation in his eyes but Michael stayed silent, hugging his knees on the couch.
"Did you pack everything?" Michael simply asked, not making eye contact.
His words made Noah feel so uneasy and worried. Concern spreading all over his face as well as the sweat dripping down his face on such a cold night.
"I’m not packing anything." Noah said, and Michael raised his head, looking at him with the red eyes he got from crying so much. "Let’s talk this out, okay? You can’t..."
"Yes, I can." Micheal said, interrupting him. "This is my house, remember? I can kick you out whenever I want, and we... Agreed that you’d leave as soon as you regained your memories. It’s a little past the period since I don’t even know when that happened," He scoffed, finding his own situation comical.
He was living with Noah when Noah had his memories and he didn’t even notice. Maybe it was because he was too blinded by the care and love. He didn’t know.
He just never noticed.
"But... It’s not too late to kick you out so be on your way, Noah. You have people waiting for you." Michael said. "You might’ve been absent for a while but I’m sure you’ll be able to get your life back on track."
To Noah, Michael sounded unreasonable.
It was as if he was throwing out the months they had spent together without batting an eye.
He knew Michael loved him and Michael would very much like to have him remain in his life forever but for some reason, Michael was pushing him away.
Yes, he did lie, and his intervention caused his parent’s death, but he felt none of that would matter when they compared that to the feelings they had for each other.
Guess he had been wrong.
"No, don’t do this." Noah said. "Please,"
"I’m doing it." Michael said.
Michael had stopped crying but it would be an understatement to say he had already come to terms with the situation so soon and was okay.
His expression was straight and his eyes were unwavering, as if he was a changed man.
Maybe it was so because he had gone through similar situations in the past where he had to go through betrayal and deceit. Maybe this was how he had always coped.
To put up a strong front in front of the other person, only to break down once they were gone.
"You can’t do this to me, Michael. How am I supposed to live?" Noah asked, gnashing his teeth, and Michael’s eyebrows knitted together, that composed expression on his face breaking, but he chose not to show it.
He turned his face away, hiding his gaze from Noah.
If he looked at Noah when Noah had that kind of expression as he eased, it would only make his resolve weak.
He had to drive Noah away this time. It was for both their good.
"You’ll just be like me then." Michael said. "This must be the first time something like this is happening to you but it’s not new for me. You’ll get over it. I promise you that."
But it was easier said than done. Neither of them was fine.
"I don’t want to get over it, Michael. I want to be with you. Don’t you see that?"
"I don’t want to be with you, so go away." Michael yelled and it stung Noah’s heart.
Just that morning, they were hugging in the living room. Michael hugged him with his feet on top of Noah’s feet as Noah walked.
They were happy.
But what was this? Why were they suddenly drawing a line right now?
"Do you really... Not love me anymore?"
"Don’t misunderstand, Noah." Michael said. "I love you. I love you so much that I... I feel this is the best for you. This is certainly the best for you." He dropped his legs and stood before Noah. "They say it’s hard to let someone go but if you truly love them, you should be able to."
"But I don’t want to let you go and I know you don’t want to let me go either. We don’t have to. Why are you doing this to yourself? To us? If it’s because I deceived you, I can make up for it. I can do whatever you want so please..."
"It’s not all about that." Michael said, dropping his gaze.
"Then... Is someone threatening you?" Noah asked, squinting his eyes in suspicion.
"And you think I’d do it if someone threatened me?" Michael asked as he shot his gaze back to Noah.
"No, you wouldn’t." Noah had no choice but to admit, clenching his fists.
If it was none of that then why do they have to go through this? Why was Michael being so stubborn? He didn’t want to break up. He would never break up with Michael, he...
Michael hugged Noah, his arms around his big body. He dropped his head to his chest, listening to his raging heart that was equally pleading.
"I love you, Noah. I love you so much that it hurts." His eyes grew teary. "I know you love me too but you shouldn’t have kept things from me. You shouldn’t..." He began to tremble again. "Now, I just want some time to myself. I need to understand what I want to do from now on."
Noah went silent. He didn’t like this. He hated the idea, but if Michael would not listen, then he guessed he would have to talk to him again when the sun came out.
"So, you just don’t want to see me today, is that it?" Noah asked and he nodded. "Fine. I’ll come back once I feel you’re all better so before then, please promise me you won’t drink."
Michael’s eyebrows furrowed.
"And if I do?" He asked.
"Please, Michael." Noah pleaded and pinched his chin.
"I don’t need to promise you anything." Michael said, turning his face away. "We’re breaking up, remember?"
"Michael, I do not accept your one-sided breakup." Noah declared with a stern expression.
Noah didn’t know. "I will come back and I will convince you. I... I will have you in my life no matter what." He said and kissed Michael on the lips.
Noah held Michael’s hand and looked him in the eye, showing his sincerity.
"Happy Birthday, Michael."
But Michael threw his gaze away.
"There’s nothing happy about this day." He muttered but Noah did not respond to that.
"Please have some cake and do not starve yourself, Michael." He said. "And if you feel like eating something else in the morning, don’t hesitate to order. It will do you no good to skip meals because I put you in a bad mood. Don’t punish yourself." He kissed the top of Michael’s head and Michael bit his lip.
Even at a time like this, he was still trying to make sure he ate and didn’t skip meals. Noah was just...
Noah let go of him and headed for the door, leaving Michael to watch with hai hands folded. It was at that point he noticed that something was dangling on his wrist.
He looked at it. It was a bracelet. A beautiful silver bracelet with a special crest on it.
When did he put this in his hand?
Was it when he wished him a happy birthday?
Staring at the bracelet, Michael’s eyes began to water again. His lips trembled and he fell to his knees, crying.
Just why did things have to go like this?
He thought this day would be a happy day for sure so why? Just why?
To think it had been him all along.
Then, was he the one that made his father apologize with his will?
Just why...? Why go to such lengths for him?
Michael opened the large cake box and saw a white strawberry cake with strawberries surrounding the top and a total of 32 small candles.
Noah did as he said he would and...
Michael lit the candles and sat there on the floor hugging his knees and staring at the burning candles.
He just... Didn’t expect things to go this way.
Just why...? He bowed his head as he cried. Why did things never go his way?
