Chapter 100: Then you’d just be heartless
"Have you ever thought of what you would do if you found out you were pregnant?"
Michael paused. What kind of question was that?
He did imagine how he would react if he suddenly got pregnant since Noah told him his body could carry a baby after all that.
He thought of it, blushed, and even imagined how the baby he and Noah created would look like, but that aside, he did not feel anything else.
He was rather scared.
He had been a man all along so the thought of giving birth never crossed his mind. It was frightening to think of.
He gripped Noah’s shoulder and asked,
"Why? Are you planning to put a baby in me before you leave?" He asked and Noah gasped, his eyes widened. "If you want to do that with the excuse of not wanting me to be alone then you’re just being cruel."
"No, I didn’t say that."
"Then why did you ask that question?" Michael asked him. "Did you think of how hard it would be for me if I suddenly got pregnant while you were away? I’ll be scared, I’ll cry, I’ll curse you, I’ll..." He pissed, his face twisting sadly. "...hate you."
"You’d rather do that than get rid of it?" Noah asked.
"Why would I do such a thing?" Michael asked, looking at him in disbelief.
"Why won’t you?" Noah asked. He wanted to understand the reason. He wanted to know his real thoughts on this matter.
"Because it’s a gift you gave me." Michael said. "You probably gave it to me because you loved me and didn’t want me to be lonely. You’d have no idea how painful that leaves me. But because you did it with me in mind, I won’t get rid of it."
"But you’d still hate me."
"Yes, and I’ll curse you every day." Michael said. "I’m contradicting myself, aren’t I?" He brushed his cheek with his palm. "But it’s the way you make me feel. I feel my actions contradict each other and I... Just end up going with it. I’ll live with it."
Noah still couldn’t understand. So, would he still hate him if he asked him to get rid of it?
"What if it wasn’t a gift and was actually a mistake?" Noah asked and Michael scoffed.
"That’s the more reason I’ll take it as a gift. A gift that you and I never expect. It was a surprise." Michael said.
"And if I told you to get rid of it?" He asked and Michael frowned, his lips twisting in discomfort.
"Then you’d just be heartless."
Those words stung Noah’s heart and he felt uncomfortable, but he was even more confused.
"Then, what will you do?" He asked. "You’re scared and you don’t want to take care of the pregnancy alone. If I take too long in my business, you might have to raise the child alone for a few years. We... We can’t have that. I don’t want you to go through all of that alone."
"I wouldn’t want that either, of course." Michael said. "But it’s just a ’what if’ situation, right?"
Noah flinched. He had been too serious with it. He hoped Michael wasn’t suspicious yet.
"Why? Do you plan to put a baby in me before leaving today?"
"No, that’s not it." Noah said, his forehead creasing. "I never had the intentions."
"Then you don’t have to worry, right?"
Yeah, he never had the intentions but it had already happened.
"Michael, I’m sorry." He apologized.
"I think I’m starting to lose count of how many times you’ve said sorry today." Michael said. "If you don’t have the intentions then it’s fine. After you leave, I’ll travel around the country. I’ll even start writing a diary so that once we reunite, you’ll be able to read all about my journey and how I spent my days as I waited for you."
"I would like to write one as well." He said and Michael kissed his cheek. "I’ll write a journal. So that we can’t exchange..." He pursed his lips, suddenly feeling pained. "We’ll exchange our writings and read about what we’ve been up to."
"Then, it’s a promise. Don’t omit anything from it, okay?" Michael smiled.
"When will you leave?" Noah asked.
"Well, I haven’t decided but soon. I guess." He said.
Noah went silent. He still had to tell him the truth but he couldn’t bring himself to do so.
He just needed to say it. It wasn’t his intention so he hoped Michael would not hate him for it.
"I have a confession to make."
"What’s that?"
Noah went silent.
"Hm, if you can’t say it now, why not say it after we take a bath together?" He smiled brightly. "It’ll be our last bath for the time being so let’s make it worthwhile, don’t you think?"
Noah decided on that. He followed Michael to the bathroom and helped him take off his clothes, his eyes falling down to his stomach. There was no sign of a pregnancy.
Was it a mistake or was it just too early?
"What are you looking at?" Michael asked but Noah raised his head and then touched his belly.
"I was imagining how you would look with a bloated belly." He said with a smirk on his lips and Michael’s face flushed.
"Gosh, don’t think of that. I’m sure I’ll be ugly then."
"No, you won’t." Noah said and kissed the side of his face. "You’d look like a pumpkin, though."
"Hey! Don’t..." He hit Noah’s chest, and Noah laughed, but his hand trembled. "Don’t make fun of me." He was crying again.
When he thought about how he wouldn’t get to experience these kinds of encounters for a while... He couldn’t help but cry.
"Michael," Noah called, brushing his hand through his hair and getting a clear view of Michael’s face. "I’m really sorry."
"Stop apologizing, you fool. It’s not helping." Michael said as he cried.
"Yeah, I’m the biggest fool so I’ll keep apologizing." He said and hugged Michael, his lips falling on his neck and trailing down to his chest. "But I swear I’ll make up for the hurt I’ve caused you own day. I’ll definitely make up for it."
"Yeah, you better."
