Chapter 288: Jisung’s story 13: Kneel
Jisung’s POV
"Fifty-one" I huff.
’Fifty-two’ I huff.
’...Three’
My arms give out and I fall face first to the gym floor, growling like beast that has been hurt.
Fuck, even my muscles are against me, but I don’t stop pushing my body, I need to feel it burn.
That man’s voice won’t leave my head, ’I’m sorry’, soft, apologetic and...fuck.
I left him lying there on the hard floor, hole gaping from what we just did, body sweating, and heartbroken.
A good alpha would have held him close, cleaned him up, worshipped him and thanked him for taking his knot perfectly.
My growl grows louder to silence the guilt chewing me up; ’I’m falling...’.
He’s falling? For what? I told him this is for pleasure only, nothing more.
How dare he fall and make me fall too?
My thoughts are so loud that I don’t hear the door opening, I don’t hear the footsteps coming my way, or the angry growls directed at me.
"Go on" Yeon’s voice says and I thump my head against the wet floor in anger.
I don’t want him here, he is the last person I want to see, the last voice I want to hear...the last scent I want to smell.
Sehwa’s sad face, soft apology and musky smell are still registered in my senses, and I don’t want to let it go yet.
"Go on, you bastard" Yeon says in a sterner voice, and I turn to my side, growling like a rabid animal as he kicks my side.
"Is this how low you’ve gone?" he hisses at me and I ignore him, just laying there like a fucking punching bag.
"It was just weeks ago that I saw the way you looked at him in the middle of a crisis, you looked so in love, why would you go ahead and break him?" Yeon asks.
I don’t have any answer for him, yes, I caught myself looking at him and feeling a kind of softness and pride...but is that allowed?
"Answer me, you jerk!" Yeon demands, kicking me again.
He’s not my friend right now, he’s my hyung, the hyung that used to beat sense into me and then heal me up.
"Stop" I wheeze in pain.
"Stop? YOU STOP!" he yells at me, "stop being a mess! Stop pushing people away!" he yells and pulls me up.
He struggles with keeping my weight and his, but I don’t help him, I stay limp in his grip.
"Stop acting like a bastard when you’re not!" he shakes my body.
"Fuck! Yeon this isn’t your business" I yell back at him, and he slaps me across the face.
"I’ll beat you until you come to your senses" he yells and I roar at him, grabbing him by the collar.
"This is none of your business" I roar again, and as I am about to say something else, the words catch in my throat and I break into sobs.
"I know you, you might have become someone else, but you’re still my Jisungie...a good man" he says and pushes me off his body.
He’s right, this isn’t me...what is me? The real me wants to love and be loved.
"I don’t want to...I don’t want to hurt again" I confess to him, dropping to the floor in front of him.
How many times have I found myself in this position, kneeling and sobbing in front of Yeon, my first love and my true friend.
"You won’t hurt"
"He’s just like you..." I give my excuse.
"He’s not" he says.
"I...I don’t want to love another you" I confess my true fear and hyung lifts my face, "I’m sorry I hurt you, I wish you would hate me than instead of hurting yourself like this" he says.
"I can never hate you" I say, it’s something I’ve said before and something I will always say.
"Yes, you can’t hate me, but you can love Sehwa too...he...he hurt because he cares about you" he says and straightens.
"Why...why do you care so much?" I ask him, wiping tears off with the back of my hand like a child.
"My husband is dying soon, and I don’t want to lose you too...please, please talk with him" he says and steps away from me.
"Fuck" I whisper and look up, I knew all along that Hwang Hanuel is dying, and I have been hurting for how broken Yeon will be.
That was the reason I didn’t want to get close to Sehwa.
Seeing Yeon break over his lover will break me worse than anything.
"You know about it" I whisper and Yeon smiles despite the way his eyes fill with tears, "he told me about it...and...it hurts but I had a good life with him" he says.
"Jisungie, love is beautiful, and Sehwa really loves you" I shake my head, but hyung isn’t having it.
"Go fix your mess" he orders and leaves me alone in the room.
I try to push my body to walk out of the room, but I can’t, a new kind of fear is growing in my chest.
’He will never take us back’ my alpha whines and I drag my fingers down my face.
After some hours, I finally get out of the room and make my way to the beta’s room.
I knock on the door before I can back out.
I feel like a teen again, heart pounding against my ribs, and butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
The door is opened by the beta that had been all over Sehwa that day in the training room, and my first instinct is to growl, but the beta steps back with his mouth hanging open.
"Sehwa..." he calls and a muffled response comes back.
"You have to come see this" he says and Sehwa refuses, "get out of bed Sehwa" he yells a bit louder.
"What?" Sehwa asks and finally comes to the door; his brown eyes meet mine and I fall to knees with my hands on my legs.
"Sehwa..." I say his name and the beautiful man just stands there in his blue and white pajamas staring at me.
