Chapter 113: Kept myself boxed in
Raina’s POV
Coming home felt strange.
Not because anything had changed.
That was the problem.
Everything looked exactly the way I had left it.
The custom-poured terrazzo floors still reflected the pale morning light spilling through the windows. Family portraits remained perfectly aligned along the hallway. The grandfather clock continued its hourly chime with almost military precision, and the faint scent of lavender Yuki insisted on using throughout the house lingered in every room.
It was as though the past month had never happened.
As though Ethan had never walked away from me.
As though everything I’d spent years building had ended beneath the cold concrete of an abandoned warehouse.
Four days.
I’d only been home for four days.
Anna had somehow convinced Grandpa to let me leave the safe house.
I still had no idea how she’d managed it.
I’d spent my entire life believing Katsuro Arashigumi only listened to one person.
Himself.
Yet Anna had walked into his study, disappeared behind those closed doors for less than an hour, and by dinner Grandpa informed me I could return home.
She never told me what she’d said.
I never asked.
Some conversations belonged to the people who had them.
The security, however, remained.
Two black SUVs stayed outside the estate around the clock.
Different guards rotated every few hours.
Some watched the front gate.
Others patrolled the grounds.
Grandpa hadn’t relaxed.
If anything, he seemed even more cautious.
The only difference now was that I was being protected inside my own home instead of inside a safe house.
Still...
Home was easier to breathe in.
Even if it no longer felt quite like mine.
The first person I saw after walking through the front door was Yuki.
She stopped in the hallway the moment she saw me.
For the first time since I’d known her, she looked genuinely surprised.
"Miss Himari."
Before I could answer, she stepped forward and hugged me.
It lasted only a few seconds.
Long enough for me to realise how worried she’d been.
She quickly straightened her uniform and adjusted her glasses as though nothing unusual had happened.
"Welcome home."
I smiled.
"I missed you too."
"I was relieved to see you return safely."
That was as close to affection as Yuki ever allowed herself.
The next morning Malik resumed driving me everywhere as though nothing had happened.
He greeted me with the same respectful nod.
Opened the car door.
"Good morning, Miss Himari."
No questions.
No curiosity.
Sometimes silence was the kindest thing another person could offer.
I appreciated that more than he probably realised.
Then there was Anna.
She never asked whether she could stay.
She simply carried two suitcases upstairs, claimed one of the guest rooms and announced she was moving in for a while.
"For how long?" I’d asked.
She looked at me as though the answer was obvious.
"For as long as you need me."
There wasn’t anything dramatic about the way she said it.
Just quiet certainty.
So I let her stay.
And somehow...
The house began feeling alive again.
She filled the kitchen with music every morning despite being an objectively terrible cook.
She complained dramatically whenever she lost at board games.
She somehow convinced me to watch reality television, spending most of it analysing complete strangers with the confidence of someone who believed poor decision-making should qualify as an Olympic sport.
Little by little...
She pulled me back toward the surface.
Not completely.
I wasn’t sure anyone could.
But enough that the days stopped blending together.
Enough that, for the first time since the warehouse...
I’d slept through an entire night.
She even tried convincing me to start streaming again.
"Lumi♡Live’s audience probably thinks you’ve vanished."
"I’ll go back eventually."
She gave me a knowing smile.
"Fair enough."
Every time I looked at my streaming setup...
I thought about Ethan.
The first time he’d accidentally wandered into my studio.
I’d been mortified.
He’d stood there turning slowly in a circle, taking everything in with the kind of curiosity only Ethan seemed capable of. Every shelf. Every microphone. Every camera. He asked questions about equipment he barely understood before absent-mindedly plucking at my guitar strings and pressing random keys on my keyboard just to hear the different sounds.
He’d looked so genuinely impressed that I’d spent the rest of the afternoon pretending it hadn’t made me happy.
Somehow...
Every memory still found its way back to Ethan.
It was Saturday morning.
I wandered downstairs intending to make myself a bowl of cereal before spending another day accomplishing absolutely nothing.
The house was unusually quiet.
"Yuki?"
She appeared almost immediately.
"Good morning, Miss Himari."
"Morning."
"You slept well."
"I actually did."
"I’m glad."
I glanced around.
"Where’s Anna?"
"In the garden."
"Already?"
"She received a phone call after breakfast."
That wasn’t unusual.
Anna’s career meant someone was always calling.
Still...
Something about the way Yuki answered made me curious.
"I’ll go find her."
She nodded before disappearing back toward the dining room.
I stepped through the glass doors leading into the garden.
Fresh morning air rolled gently across the lawn, carrying the scent of damp grass and flowering shrubs. Somewhere beyond the fence, a neighbour was mowing the lawn while birds argued noisily from the trees overhead.
Then I heard Anna’s voice.
"Yeah."
Something about her tone made me slow down.
It wasn’t her usual playful voice.
It was lower.
Focused.
Almost cautious.
"He’s going to be there soon."
A pause.
"So don’t miss him."
Silence.
Then...
A small smile touched her lips.
"Send him all my love."
I blinked.
My curiosity immediately got the better of me.
Was she...
Finally talking about him?
For as long as I’d known Anna, there had always been one person she’d refused to tell me anything about.
Her first love.
The man she’d once admitted she’d probably never stop loving.
I’d never learned his name.
Never seen a photograph.
Never even found out how they’d met.
Every question ended exactly the same way.
"One day."
Could this finally be that day?
I took another step.
A dry twig snapped beneath my shoe.
Anna turned immediately.
Our eyes met.
"...Oh."
She ended the call.
Anna slipped her phone into the pocket of her hoodie before folding her arms across her chest.
"You’re awake."
"I could say the same thing about you." I walked toward her with what I hoped looked like complete innocence. "You’ve been up for a while."
"I have."
She studied me for a second before narrowing her eyes.
"How much did you hear?"
I blinked.
"Hear what?"
"Himari."
"What?"
She sighed.
"You have the worst poker face I’ve ever seen."
"I don’t know what you’re talking about."
"You’ve always been a terrible liar."
I couldn’t help smiling.
"Fine."
"I heard..."
I pretended to think.
"’He’s gonna be there soon...’"
Anna groaned.
"Oh no."
"’Don’t miss him...’"
She pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Himari..."
"’Send him all my love.’"
She looked at me for another second before shaking her head.
"I knew I should’ve gone outside the gate."
"So..."
I leaned against one of the wooden pillars overlooking the garden.
"Who’s the lucky guy?"
"What lucky guy?"
"The one you were sending all your love to."
She groaned " there’s no guy " ..
I folded my arms " when are you gonna tell me about this guy , and don’t you dare say there isn’t one because I know there is ".
" Ugh ! Fine , there’s someone ".
" Go on , tell me more " I said smiling
She looked away toward the flower beds lining the fence.
"We’ve been getting closer recently."
She said it so quietly I almost missed it.
"I’ve just been trying not to pressure him."
"Pressure him?"
She nodded.
"My career."
"Being an actress?"
"Yeah."
She shrugged.
"I know it can be intimidating."
"I don’t want him thinking dating me means giving up his own life."
I smiled.
"That’s surprisingly mature."
" Oh shut up "
I let out a laugh ." Let’s go back inside ..I will make cereal for both of us ".
" No thank you himari , I can make my own plate of cereal"
"Yea sure you can " .
We both walked inside smiling , I made a bowl of cereal and sat down .
We started talking about something and somehow it reminded me of Ethan . My mood changed
Anna noticed it immediately.
She always did.
"You miss him."
It wasn’t a question.
I lowered my eyes to the untouched bowl of cereal resting between my hands.
"Every minute," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "I keep telling myself I’ll stop thinking about him, and every time I do... something reminds me of him all over again."
For a while neither of us spoke. The only sounds came from the breeze stirring the flower beds and the distant hum of traffic beyond the estate walls.
Then Anna reached across the table and gently wrapped her fingers around my hand.
"I’ve been thinking," she said.
Those four words alone made me suspicious.
The look on her face confirmed it.
"What are you planning?"
A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
"I’m taking you out tonight."
I let out a quiet sigh before she had even finished.
"Anna..."
"Hear me out."
She waited until I looked back at her before continuing.
"I’m not trying to replace Ethan. I’m not asking you to pretend you’re fine or forget everything that’s happened." Her thumb traced absent-minded circles across the back of my hand. "But you’ve spent the last four days hiding from the world. You barely leave your room unless I drag you downstairs, and the only thing resembling entertainment has been terrible reality television."
A reluctant laugh escaped me.
"I still don’t understand why you enjoy those shows."
"I don’t," she said with complete seriousness. "I enjoy watching them with you."
The smile faded from her face as quickly as it had appeared.
"Healing doesn’t happen because we lock ourselves away, Himari. Sometimes the hardest thing isn’t moving on."
She paused, choosing her words carefully.
"It’s remembering that life is still happening outside the room you’ve hidden yourself in."
I looked out across the garden.
She wasn’t wrong.
Part of me wanted to stay exactly where I was, surrounded by familiar walls where nothing could surprise me. The thought of loud music, crowded rooms and unfamiliar faces sounded exhausting.
"I don’t think I’m ready."
"You probably aren’t," Anna admitted without hesitation. "But I’m not asking for miracles. We stay for an hour. If you hate it, we leave. No arguments."
Her honesty made it difficult to refuse.
Then, as though sensing the conversation had become dangerously sincere, a mischievous glint returned to her eyes.
"Besides..." she said, leaning back in her chair, "maybe you’ll even get laid."
I stared at her in disbelief.
She burst into laughter before I could answer.
"I’m kidding."
Then her smile disappeared.
"If any man lays a hand on you without your permission," she said calmly, "I’ll kill him."
The words should have sounded ridiculous.
Instead, they pulled an old memory to the surface.
Second year of high school.
Spring formal.
A senior had thought grabbing my thigh while we posed for photographs was harmless.
I’d barely registered what had happened before Anna crossed the room and punched him so hard she broke his nose.
There had been shouting, blood, teachers rushing in from every direction.
When the vice principal demanded an explanation, Anna had simply looked at him and said,
"He shouldn’t have touched her."
She’d been suspended for two weeks.
She never complained.
Looking back, that hadn’t been an isolated incident.
Whenever someone crossed a line with me, Anna reacted with a ferocity that made even adults hesitate. It wasn’t recklessness.
It was simply the way she loved.
Completely.
Without compromise.
Maybe that was why I’d never spoken about her very much to Ethan.
Not because I wanted to keep her a secret.
Because Anna was the sort of person who made perfect sense once you knew her and almost none before you did.
She caught me watching her and smiled, the fierceness from a moment ago melting back into something lighter.
"Relax," she said. "Murder creates far too much paperwork."
I laughed despite myself, shaking my head as I stood from the table.
"Eight o’clock?" I asked.
Her grin widened.
"I’ll have your outfit waiting."
For the first time since coming home, the idea of leaving the house didn’t feel quite so impossible.
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