Chapter 130: Feeling!
Alex.
"How do I promise you that," Ella asked, her voice strained as she struggled against my embrace, "when I can’t properly breathe?"
Her words reached me through the haze clouding my thoughts.
For a brief moment, I simply stared at her, and then realization hit me all at once—she hadn’t been asking me to let her go from my life...she had only been asking me to loosen my hold.
I had completely misunderstood her.
A slow breath escaped my lips.
Without another second of hesitation, I relaxed my arms and gradually released her from my embrace.
The moment she was free, I instinctively took a small shift to the side of the bed.
My breathing remained uneven.
I lifted both hands and gripped my head tightly, pressing my fingers against my temples as though I could somehow force my racing thoughts to settle, and to calm down.
I repeated the words silently to myself— "She’s still here!" "She isn’t leaving!" "She’s standing right beside you." "She’s safe!" "She’s with you."
I continued repeating those thoughts over and over until my heartbeat finally began slowing down.
The overwhelming panic gradually loosened its grip on me, and only then did I lower my hands.
"I’m sorry, Ella," I said quietly, as the apology came from the bottom of my heart. "I didn’t mean to act like that." I added, as regret filled every word.
I hated that I had frightened her.
"It’s okay, baby," Ella replied calmly, as a gentle smile appeared on her face.
The sight should have reassured me, but instead...It only left me feeling strangely empty, because that wasn’t the reaction I had expected...not even in the slightest way.
I expected her to move closer, to place her hands on my face the way she used to. To search my eyes with those familiar caring eyes that always seemed to understand everything I couldn’t put into words.
I expected her to ask whether I was alright.
To worry about me.
Perhaps even wrap her arms around me again and reassure me that everything would be fine.
That was the Ella I remembered, and that was the woman I had fallen in love with but she didn’t do any of those things, as she simply smiled at me. She smiled politely, calm, and in an almost distant manner.
It felt less like affection...and more like someone patiently enduring another person.
That thought hurt far more than I wanted to admit, and before I could stop myself, I reached out and grabbed both of her hands.
I desperately searched her eyes, hoping to find something familiar, something reassuring and something that would tell me everything was still the same between us.
Instead...all I saw was shock, and fear. The emotions reflected clearly in her eyes made my heart sink.
"You’re hurting me, Alex," she said softly, her face tightening as she winced in pain.
I immediately looked down, only then did I realize what I had done.
My grip around her hands had become painfully tight. My fingers had closed around her without me even noticing. My nails were already pressing deeply into her skin, leaving clear marks behind.
I quickly loosened my hold.
A wave of guilt crashed over me.
I stared at my own hands in disbelief.
What was I doing?
What had gotten into me?
How had I become so unaware of my own actions that I hadn’t even realized I was hurting the very person I was trying so desperately to protect?
I immediately released her hands.
The instant my fingers left her skin, I pushed myself to my feet, putting a small distance between us.
My chest rose and fell rapidly.
I tried taking one deep breath after another, hoping the tightness in my chest would ease.
But it didn’t, because no matter how many times I inhaled...no matter how slowly I exhaled...the panic refused to leave me.
Instead, it continued tightening around my heart.
The thought that I had just hurt Ella kept replaying inside my mind.
What if I had frightened her?
What if she no longer wanted to stay with me?
What if...she decided to leave me all over again?
The terrifying thought shattered what little composure I had left.
Before I even realized it, warm tears began streaming uncontrollably down my face.
I couldn’t stop them.
"I didn’t mean to!" I blurted out desperately, as I immediately turned back toward Ella.
Almost instinctively, I leaned forward, intending to hold her shoulders, in an attempt to reassure her and to reassure myself more.
But before my hands could even reach her...she recoiled.
The movement was quick and instinctive. She pulled herself away from me as though she was afraid.
"Don’t touch me," she said immediately.
Her words struck me harder than I expected, and I froze where I stood.
For a brief moment, I couldn’t even breathe.
"Relax, Ella," I said hurriedly.
I quickly wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand, trying desperately to regain some composure.
"I’m not going to hurt you." I added, as my voice trembled despite my efforts to steady it. "Please..." I swallowed painfully. "Please don’t leave me."
There was a long moment of silence.
"Are you okay, Alex?" Ella’s voice softened noticeably.
For the first time in what felt like forever...I saw it. The concern I had desperately wanted to see earlier, It was finally there and it was in both of her eyes...and in the gentle tone of her voice.
The familiar warmth I had been searching for finally appeared.
An involuntary sigh of relief escaped my lips, and my tense shoulders relaxed ever so slightly.
Everything inside me calmed just a little.
"Yes, Ella," I answered quietly. "I’m okay."
At least...that was what I wanted her to believe.
I slowly sat back down on the bed.
This time, however, I deliberately left a noticeable space between us.
I didn’t dare sit beside her again, not after what had just happened. The last thing I wanted was to frighten her even more.
I forced a small smile onto my face before quietly looking away.
Without another word, I immediately established a mind link with Philip.
His voice answered almost instantly.
"Alex," he said playfully. "Shouldn’t you be enjoying your wife’s company instead of talking to me?"
Under normal circumstances, I might have laughed, but right now, I wasn’t in the mood, not even a little.
"Secretly assign guards to watch Ella’s every movement," I ordered firmly, as there wasn’t the slightest hesitation in my voice. "Check if she’s planning to escape."
For a brief moment, silence followed, and then Philip spoke again.
"Escape?" Philip repeated, his confusion evident even through the mind link. "Why would she bother escaping?" He paused for a brief moment before continuing. "She came here of her own free will."
His words lingered in my mind long after he finished speaking.
For a fleeting second, I found myself hesitating. A part of me knew he had a point, because Ella had returned willingly.
She had promised to be here and she did, so technically no one had dragged her back to Bloodfang. No one had forced her to walk through those gates.
She had chosen to come.
Logically...there shouldn’t have been any reason for her to run away.
Everything Philip said made perfect sense.
Yet...My instincts refused to agree.
That strange feeling weighing heavily on my chest refused to disappear. It remained there, stubborn and unsettling.
My instincts had never lied to me before.
Every time they warned me of something, they had eventually proven to be right.
So why should I ignore them now?
What if this feeling was warning me again?
What if the moment I lowered my guard...Ella disappeared from my life once more?
The mere thought was enough to make my chest tighten.
"No matter what," I finally replied after a brief silence, as my voice was calm and firm, leaving absolutely no room for argument. "Just assign the guards."
There was another short pause, and then Philip answered without questioning me further.
"Yes, Alpha."
The connection between our minds immediately faded and silence settled around me once more.
A long, weary breath escaped my lips. It wasn’t enough to erase the anxiety inside me...but for the first time in several long minutes, I felt the slightest bit lighter.
The decision had been made.
At least now...I would know if anything happened.
Slowly, I turned my head toward Ella once again, and she remained exactly where she was—quiet, beautiful and so close...yet somehow still feeling so far away.
A faint smile slowly formed on my lips as I silently watched her. The uneasiness inside me eased ever so slightly.
You won’t be going anywhere, Ella.
The words echoed firmly inside my mind.
You belong to me.
It wasn’t something I intended to say aloud.
It was a silent promise.
A conviction buried deep within my heart.
One I refused to let go of.
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