Chapter 20: Chapter 20
Chapter 20
Enzo Amato
POV
I had three days left before I’d be deployed. Three days of constantly thinking about what could have been with her...
Staying in this crappy motel for the last two weeks has brought me nothing but restlessness. I couldn’t explain it.
I didn’t know why I felt this way. It was like a part of me was screaming out, I didn’t know why though.
I was halfway through packing up my shit when my phone rang.
I glanced at the screen.
Chase.
I frowned. I hope he wouldn’t try to talk me out of this. Chase has been feeling sentimental all of a sudden.
It was early. It was barely seven in the morning.
I grabbed my phone off the bed and answered it. Standing up straight.
"What’s wrong?" I ask.
"Man you wouldn’t believe me even if I tried..." He lets out an awkward laugh...
My from deepens. "Well try Jacobs..."
"I found Koah." he says.
My free arm went slack. For a moment, I thought I’d heard him wrong. There was no way.
My heart stopped beating...
"What?" My voice cracked.
"I found Koah." he says again.
Every single cell in my body went still. I’ve spent the last nine years wondering, wishing, hoping, and feeling desperate for even a small piece of her.
I’ve forced myself not to ask about her for so long... Like when was she going to return, was she okay? Was she happy? Did she ever think about me, the way I thought about her?
The way Chase explained he found her, like he’d found keys to his car like he’d misplaced them.
Koah wasn’t like that. She wasn’t some keys I’d lost.
I clenched my fist.
"Where is she?" I ask.
He paused. "She went looking for you at your old apartment. But you hadn’t stayed there in years..." He says not giving me the address.
"Chase..." I roar.
He finally gave me the address.
I frowned. That was a terrible neighbourhood. I lived there for a year. I mostly drank my life away back then that was before I joined the Air Force.
"Enzo." Chase calls bringing me out of my thoughts.
"Is she okay?" I ask.
"That’s funny she asked the same thing about you..." He says.
"Chase." I remind him.
He paused before saying. "... she’s alive."
I didn’t ask if she’s a live. He wasn’t answering my question.
I hung up on him.
I grabbed my keys and headed out the door.
The drive to the apartment building was a blur, I didn’t even know how I got there safely. I barely paid attention. I was on autopilot. All I could think about was her. If she was okay? If she was thinking about me? Did she come back for me.
My hands tightened around the steering wheel.
I remembered being seventeen, sitting next to her in English writing little love notes back and forth. I remember our movie night in her bedroom. The way she’d always find a way to steal my favourite hoodies and pretend she didn’t have it and stash it in her closet so she could wear them at night. The way her smile would widen when I threw her over my shoulder.
I remembered how we’d stay up at night planning our future together, how many kids we’d have, how big our house would be.
All those thing seemed impossible now... Or did it?
I spent years convincing myself I was over it, at some point I stopped pretending. She was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought about at night...
I’d stopped lying to myself years ago.
Because no matter what I did I missed her. No matter where I was I missed Koah. I’ve always missed her.
When I parked my car and looked at the apartment, my heart began pounding so hard it hurt.
I got out and took two stairs at a time, I was in a hurry to see her.
I stopped when I reached the door.
My hand paused as I lifted it to knock.
I was nervous and it was so fucking ridiculous. I was a grown man, I flew planes over war zones and I was choking now?
The person behind this door reduced me to a nervous teenager.
I glared at the door, like it was the reason for my nervousness.
I look a deep breath before I knock.
I waited... I didn’t hear anything at first... Was she at home? She wasn’t out was she?
My thoughts stopped when I heard footsteps from inside the apartment.
The door opened and my breath caught.
There she was. She was as beautiful as I remembered her...
I noticed the bruises and my heart broke for her.
I could feel tears pooling in my eyes and I felt the pain she must have felt when she got those wounds.
Koah looked exactly like she did in my dreams. I don’t know why I spent so much time trying forget her. I was a fool. Koah was the kind of girl you could never forget. Even if you tried. She was still the same girl I gave my heart to. She still had my heart.
A part of me worried this was all a dream and I’d wake up and be disappointed all over again.
I didn’t want to live through that ever again. For years I’ve dreamed about this moment. Finally being face to face. What would be the first thing I’d say.
And now I was drawing a blank on what to say.
My hand reached out to touch her face but paused when she flinched.
"I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to know if you’re real..." I shouldn’t have done that. But being around her old habits they die hard.
"No, it’s okay Enzo. I’m sorry. I just... I’m sorry..." she says finally. "Have you spoken to Chase?" she asks.
I nod a little. "He told me he found you and your address was he supposed to tell me something?" I ask.
"I... Urh. No. I just assumed he’d tell you about our conversation..." She looks a little awkward.
I don’t say anything I watch her. I really looked at her. I studied every inch of her. Gone was the woman who’d smile confidently, she was never awkward. She was thinner than I remembered her. She was wearing baggie sweat pants and a oversized hoodie, that looked awfully like an old one of mine.
I’ve never seen her wear anything that baggie when we were together.
Koah was watching me. She was being patient with me I knew that. It seemed like she was waiting for me, I didn’t know for what that.
I didn’t like not knowing what she was thinking. Before it was easy.
What was she waiting for? For my reaction?
"Are you okay?" I ask with much difficulty.
She looks at me in surprise. "Come in. Let’s talk inside..." She says softly.
I walked in and my eyes roamed around the apartment. It looked very different from when I was living here. There weren’t beer bottles on the floor. There was a couch and a coffee table now.
I touched her hand and she didn’t flinch this time. "How are you really feeling Koah?" I ask.
She didn’t move away. "I’m okay Enzo... I’m healing..." she tells me.
Two tiny dogs came from the bedroom.
When one of them saw me, they barked, while the other stared at me suspiciously.
I watched the two dogs then looked at Koah. "You finally got your two pups you always wanted..." I say softly.
She smiles bitterly. "Yes, I got them five years ago..." she said softly.
"May I ask what happened?" I ask.
She gestures toward the couch.
I nod.
I walk toward the couch and sit down.
"God where do I start..." She laughs awkwardly.
"Anywhere is fine..." I say softly.
She nods looking down at her hands.
"Right. After I left Chicago I went to New York worked my butt off to become a principle dancer. Along the way I met a man. Austin. He was what people would call the man you brought home to your parents. My parents loved him, my friends loved him, there wasn’t anyone who didn’t love Austin. He so perfect. Honestly thinking back now, I can’t believe I didn’t see the red flag. But somewhere down the line he hit me. And after than it got worse and worse..." she stops as the tears run own her face. "He hit me and I just felt so weak and numb to it. I was going through the motions. Until my parents died. Honestly I was mourning their deaths when he proposed marriage..." She pauses and looks at me.
"When I said no he hit me again... I was scared he would kill me. I knew I had to get out. I asked a friend a met online for help. She bought me a car cash and I drove to her house and honestly I drove all the way here thinking about once I saw you I’d feel safe..." she confesses.
I look at Koah. My heart hurt for her. I felt it breaking into more and more pieces as she spoke. I couldn’t even breathe. I felt my stomach twist. My supper last night threatening to make a surprise appearance.
