The First Patriarch: Streaming My Cosmic Harem

Chapter 31: Chapter 31: My Own Goddess Nerfed Me

The collective awe at his sheer stupidity instantly turned the chat into a roaring comedy club.

Millions of years of matriarchal culture had conditioned these deities to view such a question from a male as the ultimate, unforgivable taboo, a literal death wish.

They began relentlessly mocking him, joking about how his handsome face clearly came at the cost of his cognitive functions.

Azriel mentally rolled his eyes at their predictable reactions, but his eyes locked onto the viewer count, which was aggressively climbing past 20,000 concurrents as the comedy of his impending beating went viral.

"I won’t ask a third time, Azriel. Stand up," Rosalind commanded, her voice dropping an octave as a dense, suffocating pressure of white Aether began to expand from her body, cracking the volcanic tiles beneath her boots.

"Hey, hey, Rose... I’m sorry. I said I was sorry, didn’t I?" Azriel raised his hands defensively, his voice straining under the residual ache in his ribs.

"And yet, you laughed," Rosalind countered, her voice dangerously calm as she took another slow step forward, the oppressive weight of her GrandMaster-stage pressure tightening around the arena.

"I didn’t laugh!" Azriel protested, trying to inject as much earnestness into his voice as possible.

"Oh. So you are saying I am blind now?" she purred, her golden eyes narrowing to lethal slits.

"Umm..."

"Umm what? AM I BLIND?!" Rosalind’s tone snapped like a whip, the white Aether crackling violently around her boots.

Azriel desperately scrambled for an exit strategy.

"N-no you are not?"

"Then what were you smiling at just a second ago?" she demanded, completely seeing through his makeshift excuse.

Realizing this verbal trap was leading absolutely nowhere, Azriel’s instinct was to immediately toggle his Charisma stat back to its devastating, unmasked maximum.

A single look at his world-ending allure would instantly melt her wrath, turning the predator back into a lusty, possessive woman.

But just as he was about to command the system to lift the suppression, a bright neon notification violently popped up right in front of his eyes.

Ding!

-x-

[New Stream Mission Initialized!]

Objective: Pacify and make up with Rosalind while keeping your Charisma stat completely suppressed at the ’Peerless Mortal’ baseline. (No cheat codes allowed!)

Reward: 40 EXP, 150 Karma Points, and [Karma Store] Official Unlocked.

Failure Penalty: Stream Demonetization for 48 Hours.

-x-

’Shit!’ Azriel cursed internally, his soul-eye widening.

Because the system screen was strictly visible to him, the audience over the broadcast only saw him freeze in sudden panic.

But right at that moment, the streaming interface lit up with a massive, blinding flash of golden light.

Ding!

[Lusty_Sera (Golden) has sent a high-tier gift: ’Chariot of Dawn’ (Value: 500 KP)!]

Another magnificent golden chariot pulled by winged horses of pure solar light dashed across the bottom of the screen, completely eclipsing the chat.

Immediately following the animation, a pinned, glowing golden message from Seraphine’s account manifested at the top of the stream feed for all the viewers to see.

[Lusty_Sera] (Golden): Attention, my lovely sisters! I just issued a new mission to my little Az. He has to calm the angry Duchess down without using his ultimate charm attributes! Let’s see if he can survive on pure wit, or if he gets turned into a punching bag! fufufu~

The moment the pinned comment went live, the twenty thousand goddesses in the chat went into an absolute frenzy of laughter.

[Goddess_of_the_West] (Golden): HAHAHA! His own Goddess is nerfing him! Brilliant!

[Crimson_Fury] (White): Do it, mortal! Accept the mission or we are all unsubscribing and cancelling our premium memberships right now! Let’s see you get broken!

[Pure_Lotus_Deity] (White): An excellent test. A man shouldn’t rely solely on his face to escape a GrandMaster’s wrath.

[Moon_Priestess_99] (Cyan): Nooooo...I wanted to see the godly Azriel

Azriel wanted to scream. ’Fuck, Seraphine! At least you should have stayed on my side!’

A localized mental whisper from the Primordial Goddess echoed teasingly in his mind.

’Fufufu, Little Az~, you should not ask a lady her age, even I was dumbfounded because of that question, and also you know exactly why I transmigrated you there, right? To entertain me. Watching you use your charm over and over would get boring so quickly. So, either get beaten to a pulp or find a way to make up with her like a real man~’

Letting out a heavy, defeated sigh, Azriel mentally clicked [Accept] on the mission box.

He had no choice. If he lost his monetization now, his momentum would stall completely.

He looked back up at Rosalind, whose patience had officially run out.

"At nothing," he muttered aloud, his voice dropping into a flat, exhausted tone.

"I was smiling at nothing, Rose."

"Nothing?" Rosalind repeated, her eyes flashing with dangerous intent.

"Excellent."

Before Azriel could even react, she moved.

Her speed was terrifying.

In a fraction of a millisecond, Rosalind closed the distance, grabbed him firmly by the collar of his black t-shirt, and casually hurled him across the platform.

Azriel sailed through the air, crashing hard into the massive weapons rack lining the far wall of the volcanic stone basement.

Swords, spears, and halberds rattled violently around him as he slid down the iron frame.

"Pick whatever weapon you like," Rosalind commanded coldly, stepping onto the center of the training floor and cracking her knuckles.

"Your training starts with a practical evaluation. Let me see what you actually have inside that arrogant head of yours."

Up in the corner of his consciousness, the chat feed was rolling so fast it looked like a strobe light.

The higher entities were absolutely howling with laughter, sending cascades of minor gifts and taunting emojis as they watched the arrogant "Patriarch" get tossed around like a ragdoll.

To the bloodthirsty goddesses watching across the dimensions, this was the absolute pinnacle of live entertainment.

Azriel pushed himself up against the rattling iron rack, his eyes scanning the arsenal laid out before him.

There was a massive array of standard, high-grade weaponry, gleaming broadswords, jagged spears, and heavy halberds.

But he passed over them without a second thought.

He had already decided on his style for close-quarters combat: raw, unfiltered fists.

As his gaze drifted toward the lower shelves, a specific weapon caught his attention. He reached out and lifted a pair of heavy, matte-black gauntlets.

They were meticulously crafted, fitted with sharp, razor-thin metal claws extending from the fingertips.

They were absolutely perfect.

With these, he could seamlessly channel the Aetheric energy of his Shadow-Strike Ardor bloodline technique without destroying his own hands under the recoil.

He slid them on, the heavy metal plates clicking into place over his forearms with a satisfying, lethal weight.

With his melee choice locked in, Azriel turned his head to find something for long-range versatility.

He scanned the higher racks, looking past the standard bows and throwing daggers, until his eyes locked onto a weapon resting on a velvet-lined shelf at the very top.

His breath hitched, and a wide, manic grin broke through the dirt and blood on his face.

’Fuck,’ Azriel thought, his heart hammering with sudden excitement as he stared at the weapon.

’That is so fucking cool.’

-x-

A/N:

Hey everyone! The character art for Azriel and Rosalind has officially been uploaded to our Discord server!

If you want to see exactly what they look like, head over to the server and check it out in the art channel.

Link - https://discord.gg/p7AJEkwqPx