※ This episode contains trigger elements such as violence that may cause trauma. Please keep that in mind before proceeding with purchase.
No matter how I twisted my shoulders and struggled with everything I had, I couldn’t overpower those bulky gangsters. My clothes were stripped off in seconds. Even the underwear I’d tried so desperately to protect was torn apart, and just like that, I was completely naked.
‘Why, why.......’
‘I didn’t plan to go this far, but you’re impossible. When a bastard doesn’t come to his senses no matter how much he gets beaten, you’ve gotta try something else.’
‘D-don’t... please.’
Getting beaten was terrifying. Being told they’d gut me was terrifying. But even then, I could hold my head up. If I died, it was over, right? Death itself was scary, but afterward it would be quiet. I could grit my teeth and tell them to go ahead.
But this time was different.
An instinct told me something far worse than I’d imagined was about to happen. If I was going to die, I’d wanted it clean. I’d never once imagined they’d do something filthy first.
My lips trembled as I pressed my forehead to the floor and begged.
‘Spread your legs.’
‘No—!’
A palm flew across my face. I collapsed sideways, and the men next to me yanked me back up. I shook my head violently, thrashed my whole body. They hit me a few more times and then grabbed me even tighter.
One of them pinned my arms from behind and hooked his foot behind my knees. The rope around my ankles was loosened, forcing my thighs wide open. Choi Manseok grinned nastily as he looked at my limp cock and balls hanging there.
He squeezed my pale inner thighs roughly.
Then he pulled a box cutter out of his pocket.
Click.
The blade slid up with a raw, metallic sound. Even under the dim bulb, the silver edge gleamed sharp.
‘Don’t move. Slip up and I’ll slice your balls off.’
The blade touched my groin.
My body froze like a corpse. My dilated pupils reflected the cutter and Choi Manseok’s hand.
The hand with the gold ring moved.
Scrape.
My skin split.
I screamed. A sound so horrible it felt like it could blast through the walls of that room and keep going forever. It didn’t last long. A hand clamped over my mouth and cut it off.
‘One cut would be boring.’
The flat side of the blade brushed against my balls. Choi Manseok kept grinning, twisting the direction of the blade back and forth. Like he was deciding what kind of shape to carve. Tilting his head like an artist admiring a canvas, examining my groin.
‘Cut wrong here and you bleed out. Our dear customer can’t die. You owe too much money.’
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
The blade crossed my skin. Bright red blood burst from the wounds and streamed down like a river.
I couldn’t lift my head to look. Tears pooled in my wide eyes and dripped down into the red puddle beneath me. My whole body shook violently.
‘Cha Haejun.’
Choi Manseok finally tossed the cutter aside and grabbed the top of my head. He yanked my face up with brutal force. His eyes narrowed like a crocodile’s, lips twisting.
‘No matter where you go, where you breathe, where you piss — it’s all in this palm. So stop trying to be clever and just pay your debt quietly. Then at least your organs will stay intact. Yeah?’
‘.......’
‘Today we only stripped you. What do you think we’ll do next time?’
His grip tightened over my wounds. Pain, resignation, despair, terror — he looked at the mess in my eyes with satisfaction. Then he raised his phone. The camera lens aimed straight at my naked body and the slashes.
‘Now smile.’
The man behind me forced the corners of my mouth upward.
Click.
The shutter sounded like a gunshot.
When they finally left, I collapsed like a bundle of straw. The cuts burned and throbbed. Blood kept flowing, but I didn’t even think about stopping it. If all the blood drained out and I died, it didn’t feel like the worst possible ending.
The rain didn’t stop. Unlike me, time kept moving.
The untreated wounds grew hot, then festered. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even have the strength to lift a finger.
Even if I paid, the violence would only get worse. Even if I ran, I’d never escape them. And even if I somehow did, who knew what worse thing they’d do next?
The only exit felt like death.
So I curled up in the dark and let myself rot. Even when flies drawn by the smell of blood landed on my wounds, I didn’t have the energy to swat them away.
Then, in that room no one should’ve found, someone came.
Four days later.
The one who found me — starving, dehydrated, just waiting to die — was Yohan. He was the only one who’d searched for me everywhere, day and night.
The moment he saw me, he was horrified. Furious. Crying. He apologized for being late — something I couldn’t even understand.
‘Let’s go.’
‘No. I’ll just die like this.’
My voice was barely louder than a fly’s wings, but he heard it.
‘Don’t say crazy shit! The ones who should die are those bastards, not you! I’ll kill them. I will!’
He dragged me toward the door as I crawled weakly across the floor. I tried to push him away with what little strength I had, but it was useless. So I shouted instead.
‘Let go!’
‘Cha Haejun!’
‘Even if I leave, I’ll just die by their hands anyway. I’ll end it here. I’m done.’
‘Cha Haejun.......’
His voice went soft.
I lifted my head.
And stopped breathing.
He was making a face I’d never seen before. Not even when his grandmother died.
A face crushed by grief and rage so heavy it felt like it could suffocate someone. The weight of it pressed into me too.
‘Please.......’
‘.......’
‘You’re my only family now. If you do this... how am I supposed to live?’
Tears poured down his face like the rain outside. He crumpled, like a cracked wall finally collapsing. Curled up like a child and sobbed the way I’d only ever seen once at his grandmother’s funeral. Hearing him scream my name over and over, the darkness in my eyes slowly filled with moisture.
‘Please.’
‘.......’
‘Please, Haejun.’
On one side of the scale was easy death. On the other, a painful life.
Death weighed heavier.
But Yohan was sitting on the other side.
I cried as much as he did. I wanted to die. I really wanted it to end. But the more tears fell, the lighter that wish felt.
In the end, I wanted to live.
Even if it was miserable. I wanted to live with Yohan.
‘Let’s go.’
After who knows how long, Yohan grabbed my hand with his swollen face. This time I didn’t shake him off. I had no strength, stumbled and limped, but crossed the threshold on my own.
In the end, it was Yohan’s tears that pulled me outside.
My body and mind had sunk to the very bottom. It took a long time to rebuild. Yohan helped quietly. When I couldn’t pay my debt because I had no income, he emptied his own savings to hold the loan sharks back. It was around that time he introduced me to host work.
The wounds I’d left to rot turned into dark scars.
Carved into my thigh like a record of that black history.
I summarized the story briefly. Said I’d run without paying and got scratched up a little when they caught me. I laughed lightly, hoping the weight would feel lighter.
“It’s really nothing.”
I’d hoped Lee Kangjoo would smile back.
He didn’t.
He simply looked at the scar calmly. Slowly rubbing over it as if wiping away blood that had long since dried.
“It must’ve been deep.”
“A little. It got infected, so it took a while to heal.”
“......”
“That’s why I worried when you were hurt before, sir. Even small wounds can fester if you leave them.”
“Who was that guy?”
“Yohan?”
“No. The bastard who left his mark on your body.”
“.......”
A name I could shout in my sleep, wrapped in every curse in existence.
But in front of Lee Kangjoo, I found it hard to say those three syllables. It felt childish. Like tattling.
What if he thought I was immature?
My lips parted, then pressed shut. I scratched my chin awkwardly and gave a vague smile.
“Do you still see him?”
Thankfully, he didn’t press deeper.
“I pay properly now. Haven’t seen his face in a long time. I hope I never do again. He’s ugly as hell. Ugliest guy I’ve ever seen.”
I’d actually ✧ NоvеIight ✧ (Original source) run into him while delivering recently. Something shitty had happened. But I didn’t want to tell Lee Kangjoo. Even someone who lives like dust on the ground has pride.
Just thinking about that bastard’s face made my expression twist. I shuddered and rubbed my arms like I’d touched something filthy.
Lee Kangjoo didn’t ask more.
He lay down with his head on my thigh and placed his palm over the scar.
“......”
It was the first time anyone other than a doctor had touched it.
His warmth felt like it could melt not just the scar but the nightmare carved into it. He didn’t say anything comforting. No “that must’ve been hard.” No pity.
But the simple weight of his hand covering it was strangely gentle.
I wanted to do something for him too.
I wanted him to feel the warmth I felt.
Touching his body the same way didn’t seem like something he’d like. So after hesitating for a long time, I gathered my courage and placed my hand on his head.
I’d expected his hair to be stiff, but it was surprisingly soft between my fingers. Cool and smooth. I kept running my hand through it, almost mesmerized.
Lee Kangjoo closed his eyes lazily, like a big cat, and let me touch him.
It was quiet.
Peaceful.
I’d just revisited something horrific, but I wasn’t drowning in it. As long as Lee Kangjoo was beside me, it felt like no ghost from the past could reach me.
Where he was — that was my nest.
