I wanted to see him smile like that again. But Lee Kangjoo’s smile wasn’t something you got twice just because you asked nicely. It felt like one of those legendary treasures the heavens had to personally grant you permission to witness.
Something I’d once heard floated back to me. A foolish king who’d lit beacon fires just to see the woman he loved smile — and ended up ruining his entire country for it.
Back then I’d laughed, wondering what kind of idiot would do something that stupid. Now? I got it. If Lee Kangjoo would just smile at me like that again, I’d probably repeat the same brainless mistake over and over without hesitation.
He came to my place earlier than usual today. Before sunset. The moment he arrived, we started rolling around, and it wasn’t until the sun had completely sunk into the west and the sky turned pitch-black that I could finally close my legs again.
I rubbed my face into the pillow, trying to steady my breathing. The trembling wouldn’t stop. After you come once, you’re supposed to feel lazy. Sleepy. That’s how it works. But after sleeping with Lee Kangjoo, my arms and legs — even the inside of my body — kept fluttering like butterflies trapped under my skin. The aftershock lingered forever. It was hard as hell to come back to myself.
Maybe we’d moved too much — the curtain had slipped open. The window was soaked. I’d thought it was warm for winter, but it must’ve started raining.
I still hated rainy days. But with Lee Kangjoo here, the gloom didn’t drag me down like it used to. I was curled up when I lifted my head toward the sagging edge of the bed. He was sitting there, taking a sip of bottled water.
No matter how hard I tried to hold it in, sounds slip out. My throat felt raw from the moans I couldn’t suppress. I swallowed and looked at him — no, at the water bottle. Lee Kangjoo caught my intense stare and smiled faintly.
“Thirsty?”
While I looked ready to pass out, he looked refreshed. His back, cooled from sweat, seemed even broader. The clean line of his jaw and cheek caught the dim light like sunlight resting there.
I didn’t have the energy to speak, so I just nodded. I was just about to push myself up and ask for a sip—
And then he lifted the bottle and took water into his own mouth.
I blinked as the bottle moved farther away from me. The smooth curve of his lips holding that water was infuriating. I pouted without meaning to.
I was staring down, rubbing my fingertips together, when he suddenly gripped the back of my head and turned me toward him. Cold lips pressed against mine.
We’d kissed during sex too, but this was different. Before, it felt like my soul had been sucked out. Now it was softer — like being submerged in warm water.
The water that passed from his mouth to mine tasted like sugar.
I leaned closer, trying to drink even a little more, but he pulled back slightly. I made a small, desperate sound without realizing it and chased after him. The corner of his mouth curved up faintly. Like he might give it to me. Like he might not. Just as I braced my foot against the bed to move closer, he lunged and swallowed me whole.
“......”
Our lips didn’t /N_o_v_e_l_i_g_h_t/ part until long after. I’d barely gotten my breathing under control, and now it was ruined again. I panted. My chest — still sticky with dried semen — rose and fell. My nipples, swollen like fruit from being sucked and bitten relentlessly, tightened and trembled.
Is he going to do it again? I thought vaguely, face pale. I might actually pass out next time.
But as if mocking my worry, Lee Kangjoo simply lay facing me and began touching my body with lazy calm.
He squeezed my flat chest. Hooked a finger around my nipple and toyed with it. Kneaded my stomach that had no softness to grab. His large hand rolled my soft dick and balls, then slid like a snake between my thighs. That slow touch made me even more restless.
I pressed my lips down with the back of my hand. I didn’t have the strength to get hard again, but my lower belly felt ticklish. The hole that had stretched wide swallowing his dick earlier — then tightened again — twitched like it was anticipating what might come next.
He pushed at my thigh, spreading my legs. My cheeks flushed red.
I’d long since gotten over blushing in front of customers with my cock out — that ended the day I lost my virginity. So why did I turn into some shy newlywed every time I was in front of Lee Kangjoo?
His gaze dropped between my legs. Calloused fingertips traced along my inner groin. I flinched and bent my knees.
Then his hand stopped.
Instead of pressing in deeper, his thick thumb slowly grazed over my skin. On the pale inside of my thigh were three dark scars, slashed across like brown ink spilled wrong on white paper.
“Why do you have scars here?”
“Ah.”
I looked down. It was a place you had to twist your thigh to even see. A scar that would never disappear.
It wasn’t raining in the room, but when I looked at it, I could almost hear the sound of rain in my ears.
I smiled bitterly.
“I got hurt a long time ago.”
“That’s a knife cut. Here?”
The straight lines were obviously deliberate. Not something that happened by accident. Either I’d made them myself, or someone else had. And Lee Kangjoo, whose own body carried scars like a mural, wasn’t stupid.
“It’s nothing. Just... happened.”
“Tell me.”
I tried to brush it off, but he didn’t let me. I closed my thighs awkwardly, trying to hide it, but he didn’t remove his hand. Like he’d keep pressing that scar down until I explained.
The pressure stung. Maybe phantom pain. Staring at his large hand covering the scar, I muttered,
“It’s really nothing.”
“......”
The silence weighed heavy in the air. I could lie. But it wouldn’t work on him.
I made a decision.
“You can’t laugh when you hear it.”
No. Maybe it’d be better if he did laugh. Like that day. If he laughed and said it was amusing. I might end up carving more scars into my body just to remember that smile.
“A long time ago, I ran off without paying back money.”
I didn’t want to relive it. But under his relentless gaze, I had no choice. I pulled the swallowed memories back out, one by one.
Loan sharks wore down the threshold of my house. Getting kicked and beaten was normal. Yohan helped when he could, but the venom of gangsters like Choi Manseok was nothing compared to him.
‘Why me? Why do I have to pay it back? I didn’t even use that money!’
I’d shouted. All I got was a slap hard enough to split my mouth. Blood mixed with saliva dripped down my chin. They kicked me in the stomach for being disgusting.
‘Then should we carve out your dad’s organs and sell them?’
‘Go ahead. Go argue with him.’
Even beaten, I wouldn’t back down. Choi Manseok laughed like he couldn’t believe it. Pointed at me. Mocked me. Then beat me again. They knew better than anyone that nothing trains a person faster than violence.
Even in elementary school. Even in my school uniform. Creditors kept finding me, tightening the leash around my neck. No matter how I ran, they found me. Hiding for a few days was the best I could ever do.
After I got discharged from the military, the violence didn’t stop. I couldn’t take it anymore. I’d seen my father less than the number of days I’d lived without him. Why the fuck should I pay for that bastard’s debt?
The blood rushed to my head. Rage and resentment exploded like a volcano.
The repayment date came closer, and I didn’t have a single coin. The money I’d painstakingly saved in the army? Choi Manseok somehow knew my discharge date and took it all in one sweep.
I couldn’t live my whole life dragged around like a dog on a leash.
So I made a plan. Slipped away at dawn. Ran to the countryside without telling even Yohan. Better he didn’t know — otherwise Choi Manseok would harass him.
I worked at a rural orchard, lodging and food included. No one barged into my place. No one raised a hand at me. The shabby plastic-covered structure felt like my own fortress.
But the anxiety clung to me like a habit. Even if a worker sharing the room just turned in his sleep, I’d jolt awake.
That fragile heaven lasted exactly one week.
Choi Manseok showed up.
He appeared smooth and casual. Grabbed me by the collar. I don’t know what he told the farm owner, but the man who’d been kind until yesterday clicked his tongue and scolded me for living wrong as a young man before kicking me out.
‘If you were going to leave, you should’ve paid your debt first. You owe this much, and you ran without paying a single won?’
I glared at him, refusing to bow.
He laughed, tongue clicking.
‘This bastard’s eyes are still alive. Usually by now they look like rotten fish. You’re stubborn. Real stubborn.’
They shoved me into a car and dragged me back to the city. Not the place I’d lived before. Some abandoned room. Remote. No one would look in even if I screamed. Even if I left as a corpse.
Rain poured down in sheets. It was so dark it looked like night at noon. The tiny room was so black you needed a lightbulb on just to see shapes.
I tried to look for a chance to run again. But after losing me once, they weren’t careless anymore. I even tried crawling between their legs to escape. Useless.
They caught me again.
Later, they tied my hands and feet tight and beat me in the corner of that room all day.
‘Cha Haejun. I’m saying this as someone who’s lived longer than you. When it’s time to break, you break. It makes life easier. Stand too stiff, and you’ll snap in half like bamboo.’
After beating me until I couldn’t breathe, Choi Manseok crouched in front of me. He stroked my blood-soaked face. When I glared back, he slapped my cheek again and again until it rang.
‘Look at this son of a bitch’s eyes. Can’t even gouge them out. If it weren’t for those corneas, fuck, you’d be blind today.’
He giggled — then suddenly went cold.
He jerked his chin at the men beside him.
‘Strip this bastard naked.’
At that single order, the men rushed forward.
