Chapter 68: Going For A Ride
If I never go camping on an alien planet again, it would be too soon.
I was not one of those ’in touch with nature’ types of people. My idea of roughing it was a two-star hotel that had a spotty Wi-Fi connection and may or may not have air conditioning. I didn’t do camping, I didn’t to tents with no indoor plumbing, and I more than definitely didn’t do eight-legged arachnid creatures who were the size of my torso and whose six eyes I could see perfectly on top of their giant head.
The fact that one had been following me around for the past few hours was enough for me to call an end to this hunt and return to Jun Li. Hell, I would have sent his ass down here, but he pointed out that he had a fragile human body, and he felt it was too soon for it to get damaged in such a hostile environment.
An android was worried that his body would get a boo-boo and so decided to send the actual human out into the wilderness to find snakes.
Snakes that were so venomous that they were no longer considered to be creatures or reptiles but rather weapons. You heard me right. Snakes were apparently along the same line as laser guns, crowd pleasers, and atomic bombs. You know, if any species outside of humans actually used nuclear bombs.
Okay, so maybe this jungle was affecting me more than I thought.
"Do you have any idea where these things could be?" I asked for the hundredth time. I hadn’t even figured out how I was going to go about catching one or six, as the case may be, but I had to find them first before I worried about small technologies.
"For the last time, I have no idea where they could be! It’s not like there are tracking devices strapped to their neck to make things easier to find," snapped Jun Li.
"Well, why not? That’s what scientists do to all of our animals when they capture them. It gives them better data in order to conserve and protect the species. It also lets them know where poachers are most likely to be found. Hasn’t any scientist here tried to study them? Don’t the Sisalik study everything? Maybe they have some records about where the most likely places are to find these things."
"I don’t think that anyone has really been dumb enough to try and tag one of these things," said Jun Li slowly. "No, nowhere in history has anyone tried to tag one."
"Huh," I said as I continued to tramp through the forest floor, cutting through leaves and vines with my wrist blades, not really caring if I should or shouldn’t be doing it.
It turned out that cutting things indiscriminately in this jungle was not a good idea. As soon as I sliced one particular vine, green goo came spurting out of it, pulsing like blood from an artery. I never noticed the vine by my feet until it had quickly wrapped itself around my ankle and ripped my feet out from under me.
I fell hard on my back, but luckily my armor gave me enough padding that I didn’t get my breath knocked out of me. However, I was left stunned.
"Mei Xing?" came a frantic shout from Jun Li.
"Yeah?" I groaned as the vine pulled back quickly, causing me to go shooting through the under bush. I let out a startled yelp as I was dragged over rocks, roots, and spikes. I had never been so happy and grateful for Sha Shou, or really anything, in my life.
"Your signal now has you horizontal. Have you decided to lie down for the night?" asked Jun Li.
My body was swaying along the path, almost in an ’S’ shape, taking the same path as the vine holding me. "Not willingly, no," I said. Now that I had gotten over the initial surprise of the attack, I was able to take in more information. Like the fact that I was not in any pain whatsoever, even as my head bounced off the rocks and boulders that had found their way into my path.
"Any idea how fast I am going?" I asked as if I was not being dragged to my potential death. But the way I saw it was it might be bringing me closer to the snakes that I needed, and I didn’t have to walk. Oh, sure, there might be a human-eating plant at the end of this path. But if my suit could withstand the pressures of flying through a planetary nebula, it should be able to withstand a plant stomach until I could blast myself out.
"According to my measurement, you are going almost 100 miles per hour as judged by Earth standards. Did you put on your rocket shoes again?" asked Jun Li, sounding almost interested.
"Nope, just getting dragged through the jungle by a vine," I replied as my body went flying after being pulled over one particularly large boulder.
"I am sorry. Did you say being dragged through the jungle by a vine?" said Jun Li shocked.
"Yeah, apparently, I sliced through the wrong vine, and it has decided on violence," I said, not too concerned. I had a backup plan for the original ’blast through the stomach’ plan. That was a lot of throughs. Were there any other words that could be substituted for the word ’through’?
"Hey, Jun Li, did you download a thesaurus when you downloaded the internet?" I asked as I continued along my path. A few birds were startled from their trees, letting out an ear-piercing screech. However, I was a bit believer that panicking was the worst thing you could do in any situation.
I also had a theory that if I cut off the vine pulling me right now, it would just grab me and be even more pissed than it is currently. And yes, I was associating emotions with the plant because it clearly believed in retribution and revenge.
"Yes, I have," answered Jun Li. "But I am not sure why you are asking in this situation."
"I need any and all words that can be substituted for the word ’through,’" I said.
"And you think now is a good time to do that? Or are you not being dragged through the jungle and need something to do?"
