Chapter 58: Stupid Human
I walked over and sat down at the kitchen table, or what I could only assume was the kitchen table. It was a large, dark gray, oval-top table with a pedestal leg and four black chairs surrounding it. The chairs were done in a similar pedestal leg, with a high back, and no arms.
I will not lie; I actually had a lot of concerns about sitting down on the chair and how ... supportive ... it was.
I gingerly perched on the edge of the chair, grateful that my host was short enough that my feet could be flat on the floor. At least this way, if it did give out from under me, I could still maintain some semblance of dignity. But only a semblance.
The little green man took off his cloak and I had my first glimpse of him. I didn’t think that we had it that far off. In fact, he was so close to what we pictured aliens to be that there was no way it could be a coincidence.
He had a large oval head with large black almond eyes. His body looked almost like a teardrop with thin arms. His thighs and hips were definitely big. Almost to the point where I wasn’t so worried about sitting comfortably in the chair. He had very short legs with hand-like appendages for feet.
He was also completely naked. But seeing that there was no obvious genitalia, and no, I was not looking that hard so it wasn’t as awkward as it could have been. He walked forward with his feet going in an almost circular manner.
"Am I your first alien?" he asked as he hopped onto the kitchen chair and looked at me.
"No, but you are the first one that my brain comprehends as an alien," I answered with a shrug.
"Ah yes, there have been more than a few of my species living on Earth, making huge profits on our image. It is fascinating that you believe all extra-terrestrials look exactly alike." He waved his hand on the table beside him and a keypad appeared. He looked down, focusing on what he was doing, giving me more of a chance to study him.
"Maybe because all humans look the same," I said with a shrug. "Well, not the exact same. We have the benefit of coming in several colors, from our hair to our eyes and lips to our skin. But we are all identifiable as human."
All humans have a single head, a torso, two arms, two hands, 10 fingers, two legs, two feet, and 10 toes. In other words, our skeletons were identical to each other. I mean, there were variations. With 8 billion people in the world, there were bound to be. But no one had ever confused a human with a canine or a moose.
Well, there was someone that had found a moose mandible, no flesh or muscle attached and called the police because they thought they had found Aunt Bertha. But I couldn’t think of a single instance where someone had seen a living moose and went, ’That’s definitely human.’
But when it came to the different species that I saw today? My brain was almost trying to force itself to put them into categories that I was familiar with. Such as the wolfman. I didn’t know if he did share similarities with a canine, or if what I thought to be fur was really hair. My brain saw something that looked like a werewolf and that was the end of it.
There was even one individual dancing on the floor with two tentacles as feet, waving another six in the air, with a very ’human’ head, and my mind immediately classified it as an octopus. It wasn’t underwater, in no way, shape, or form did it look like an octopus except for the tentacles, and yet, my brain told me that it was an octopus. Hell, it was even getting into an argument with something that looked like a tyrannosaurus Rex, and I still classified it as an octopus.
Don’t even get me started on the T-Rex.
He thought, he was without a doubt an alien, and the fact that he was a little green man in the exact same way as what appeared on my favorite pair of pajamas, was enough to have my new reality come crashing down on me like it never did before. I was in space, on an alien planet, and if I had my way; I would never step foot on Earth again.
"It seems like you have met her," said the Thuzirusian, talking about Pippa, and there was a note of amusement in his voice, even if he didn’t have a mouth to smile.
"Let’s just say that we didn’t see eye to eye on most things," I answered with a shrug.
"No, I couldn’t imagine that you would."
"So, how am I in danger?" I asked just as a glass came out of the tabletop. It slowly rose up until the bottom was even with the table, and then there was a slight clicking sound.
"It’s a drink made from the fermented juice of one of our fruits," said the Thuzirusian as he held out his hand in an invitation for me to try it.
"On Earth, we would call it a wine or, depending on the alcohol content, a liqueur," I said, not moving a muscle. "But I will have to decline your hospitality. My veil doesn’t make it convenient for me to be able to partake in food or drink."
Not to mention it would be incredibly stupid to get drunk on this planet.
"What do you know about my species?" asked the Thuzirusian as he tilted his head to study me.
"I know that you have found a few interesting aspects of humans and are looking to capitalize on them," I started as I sat back in the chair and crossed my legs in front of me. "Was that the answer you were looking for?"
"You are much more knowledgeable for someone of your species," grunted the little green man.
"I try," I returned with a smile. "But what does that have to do with anything?"
"Do you know why we have closed off our borders to the Alliance?" he asked, completely changing the topic.
"No," I said simply. "But you are stalling."
"I am," he replied with a nod. "And you are still nothing more than a stupid human."
