Chapter 12: [Chapter 012] I could never have you, and I'll never have you
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A terrible scream echoed in my mind, the scream of the dead Adrienne and the living me. It was a sound so loud it tore at my ears, though inaudible to others. My breath hitched. I couldn't think. Hearing these words directly from him was a different level of shock compared to hearing unfounded rumors from others. Noebian, his eyes filled with a restless turmoil, continued, his voice heavy with a sigh.
"After Adrienne died, I thought about killing myself. Then I thought, she wouldn't want that. And then I thought of you. When I see you... damn it, I think of Adrienne! Being with you is hard and painful, I know. But it was painful when she was alive too."
"...I don't know."
"Adrienne was in constant pain and suffering. Do you know what it's like to watch someone you love suffer so much that they're dying?"
I don't know. I really don't. I've never seen someone I loved suffer so much before they died. The most painful thing I've seen Noebian do was weep over my dead body at the funeral. And now, this low cry of wanting to die with Adrienne. I stared at the man who claimed to love his wife while wanting another woman as his mistress. A man who spoke of love while desiring a mistress. It was strange, almost dreamlike. Since waking up in this body, I've constantly wavered between dreams and reality, but never as strongly as now. Was this really Noebian Trovica, the perfect, flawless man? Cynical and aloof, yet so devoted to his wife?
"...So, you want to sleep with me?"
Blier Acacia's trembling voice cut through the silence. Ignoring the pain in my heart, I tried to confirm it. It was an opportunity given by the 'Adrienne' he didn't recognize. Noebian, the only person I could rely on in this cold manor, the only person who supported me, not just my illness or suffering, but me as a person. My pride, my love.
'Please, Noa, tell me you don't want Blier.'
Please, let this all be a lie. Let it be other people mocking the dead duchess. Let it be nothing more than an attempt to belittle and humiliate Adrienne Trovica.
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"Ha, haha..."
Noebian buried his face in his hand, laughing bitterly. Then, suddenly, he lifted his head. His dark blue eyes, usually so clear, were now clouded and filled with a lust I had never seen before. It was the lust of a man who had never shared an adult love with his suffering wife. I had never received such a look from anyone before, but I could feel it instinctively. It was like an invisible hand was running all over my body.
"So, you want to make me a worthless piece of trash, don't you?"
"...Is that not what you want?"
Please tell me no. With all my heart, I looked up at my husband. But my expression seemed to excite him further as he distorted his face. Unable to contain his passion, he pulled me into a tight embrace. It was the embrace of the husband I had longed for, but my heart turned cold.
"Yes, I want you."
"!"
I froze in his cold embrace.
"Yes, I want you."
It was a love confession so bitter and painful.
"More than Adrienne, whom I could never have, and will never have..."
His blue eyes, now filled with a strange intensity, seemed ready to devour me.
"...I want you, right here in front of me."
"!"
And then his lips met mine in a kiss as intense as his gaze. It wasn't the kiss Noa gave Adrienne. It wasn't gentle or tender. It was hot and bitter, like the strong liquor he had been drinking. It was as if he wanted to suck all the air out of me, unlike how he used to gently breathe life into Adrienne. Numbly, I let Noebian kiss me, tears streaming down my face. He didn't care. He just kept kissing me, looking deep into my eyes. It was the embrace I had longed for, but it was so painful that my heart felt like it was being torn apart. And the champagne I had drunk earlier came rushing back up my throat. When I finally managed to push him away, I saw Roardnes standing on the terrace below, watching us with pale, cold eyes.
***
I fled the terrace, leaving the intoxicated Noebian behind. I rushed down the hallway and out the emergency exit, into the garden. I didn't dare look back, but I could feel that he wasn't following me.
I stopped in a secluded corner of the garden. A dreadful silence enveloped me. There was no one else around. As I looked at my reflection in a nearby window, tears streamed down my face. I leaned against the wall, unable to move. I needed to get a carriage and go home, but my body felt heavy.
"Ugh... hic..."
As I cried, a dark shadow fell over my tears. I looked up to see it wasn't a tree. My heart skipped a beat.
"It seems you could use some help."
The words, spoken in a low, polite, yet arrogant tone, sent chills down my spine. It was Roardnes, the Second Prince.
I wanted to tell him to leave me alone, but I couldn't. As I stood there, stunned, Roardnes gestured to Neil, who stood behind him, and the man handed him something.
I stared, my tears drying up. Roardnes placed the object on the ground. He did it slowly, with a completely expressionless face.
"!"
It was my shoe. The black shoe I had lost when I ran away from this man after our encounter at the cemetery.
"It seems you could use some help."
I looked down at my bare feet. "I made a mistake, didn't I, Countess of Acacia?"
Roardnes tilted his head slightly. The sunlight glinted off his blond hair, making him look almost ethereal. His eyes, however, were cold and calculating. He knew I had run away, and he knew I had lied to Neil.
"Thank you... Your Highness."
I replied in a hoarse voice, though I was far from grateful. Roardnes extended his hand, and I took it, slipping on the shoe. I couldn't stay barefoot any longer. I doubted he cared who I was or what I had done. Maybe he had only followed me to return my shoe.
"Now..."
He took my hand and pulled me towards him. Our faces were inches apart.
"...I think it's time I introduced myself."
His voice was low and sweet, but his eyes were cold and intense.
"!"
Those were the same cold eyes I had seen when I witnessed him with Noebian's mistress.
"!"
I felt a wave of shame and humiliation wash over me.
'He saw everything.'
He had seen everything. A bitter laugh escaped my lips.
"Who am I, you ask?"
"I am the mistress of Noebian Trovica."
The words burned my throat as I said them. What was the point of lying anymore? He already knew the truth.
"I am the mistress of Noebian Trovica."
And with that, I confessed. His eyes widened in surprise, but he didn't look away. I felt a surge of anger and excitement.
"And now, I don't want to be his mistress anymore..."
The absurd audacity burst out of me like tears from my eyes.
"...Does it seem like you don't need help?"
You asked if I needed help, didn't you? You saw all my dirty secrets and still came here, tearing open my wounds. Why did you have to reveal my identity and keep holding my hand? The shock was temporary, but those beautiful, sharp eyes, slightly curved as if smiling, drew me in.
"It seems so."
Mesmerized, I couldn't shake the hand of this red beast. He said it so sweetly, so gently, yet with the eyes of someone who could kill me.
"I'll ask again. So... do you need help?"
It was as if he would strangle me if I said no.
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