Liu Jingcheng, though only in his forties, had aged as if he was in his sixties. The wrinkles under his eyes was a clear indication of countless sleepless nights, which had only further deteriorated his health over time.
Hai chuckled, amused. "You look so weak. Where is the temper in your eyes? Where is that blazing impatience in your demeanor? Come on, you can do better than this."
Liu Jingcheng peered into his son's disdainful and hateful black irises. "Why do you hate me so much?"
"What have you ever done to make me love you in the first place? The only thing I remember about you is your anger. Beyond that, you're just a blur to me."
Hai leaned back on his chair, staring at the white ceiling that looked crimson to him.
"But I don't want to be like that for my child. Just a blurred existence. Now that I'm going to become a father myself, I keep wondering…what kind of a father do I want to be for him or her? Then it came to me step by step."
His arm raised in the air, as if he was trying to catch something with his fingers.
"I won't hit my child. I won't be ill-tempered around him and make him feel afraid of me. It will be the opposite actually. I will always smile and laugh. I will hug him. Smother him against my chest. Probably to the point he would grow sick of me. I will sleep with him and tell him stories. I…" the red on the ceiling turned his gaze glassy.
"I won't let my child go hungry. Ever. He will eat all kinds of good food until his stomach is full. I won't forgive anyone who would dare to hurt him. It doesn't matter who they are - if they hurt my child, that's the last they would see of this world."
Hai lowered his gaze, locking again with Liu Jingcheng's. "Out of all the things that I just said, what have you done for us among these?"
Liu Jingcheng had no answer to give.
"Brother Jinhai…needed help. I hate him to my guts, but I pity him too. He needed help. He wasn't right in his head. And because of that, do you imagine just how much…Liling and I have suffered over the years? Even Mom never dared to antagonize him."
He smiled. "But what did you do? You let it slide. You let his actions slide every single time. As much as it hurts to see your kin become like this, it doesn't change the fact that he needed to be away from us. When I was in the hospital after that incident, Mom had talked to you about this, hadn't she? To fix him somehow. She didn't know how, but she knew he really needed it. Today, it was me. Tomorrow, it would have been Liling and then…he would have eaten all of us eventually, including you - his protector. Did you listen to her?"
His silence was a resounding answer.
"No, you didn't. How could Liu Jingcheng admit this fact? It would have become such a blot upon your reputation. You were so afraid to see your eldest son you adored so much being called a nutcase by the world that you simply pulled a curtain over it. You buried it under the rug."
Hai burst into laughter. "Aahh, but you are such a fool. Lunacy cannot be buried in some damn rug! That lunacy almost killed us, and you did nothing to end that vicious cycle. I had to bring us out of misery."
Hai pulled his chair closer, bending his back slightly so as to lean towards him. His head then tilted, a light of mockery filling the depths of his eyes.
"So Liu Jingcheng, why are you asking me such a stupid question at this point and after everything that has happened?" His smile had vanished so abruptly as if the doors of hell had opened right in that moment.
"Just because you wanted to protect one child, you threw your other two into the sacrificial pit without an ounce of fucking shame. You protected him every step of the way while forgetting that you were equally responsible for the rest of your family too. Some people…it's better for some people to not exist in this world. Brother Jinhai being one of them and you…another. I don't need you in my life anymore. We don't need you."
"How could you say that?" His trembling fingers weakly clenched. "I…I want to live. Liling is married now and my grandchild will be born-"
"So? It doesn't have anything to do with you, does it?" He tilted his head. "What did you do? I married Chunhua because of my own stubbornness. I paved the way for Liling and Guiren's marriage while you were busy mourning your son's death every second of the day. Now you suddenly want to see your daughter's life flourish? Now you suddenly want to see your grandchild's face?"
Hai's piercing gaze felt like sharp icicles stabbing his chest inside out.
"Say, Liu Jingcheng," he chuckled, but his laughter didn't hold any ring to it. "Do you even remember what I look like? Did you ever bother to look at your son even once that you think you can demand to see your grandchild's face? I wonder where your shamelessness starts and where does it end?"
Liu Jingcheng's trembling fist loosened, a question now finally dawning upon him.
Huh…What does Hai…look like?
He blinked his eyes several times, yet only a hazy face floated before him.
How deep were his black eyes? How pointed was his nose? How did his cheekbones meet his jawline? Did he look similar to his mother or his father?
Huh…What does Hai look like…?
Strange. Why can I not remember? Why can I not see how he looks?
Liling…Yes, Liling. How does she look again…?
Hai stood up, staring at him unfeeling and apathetic. "What I mean to say is that if you still have any self-worth left…you will drink the wine yourself."
