Chapter 632: Changenof Identity
The low feminine voice faded, accompanied by faint sobs. Astrid felt warm, damp moisture against her cheek as her delicate, near-transparent eyelashes trembled from Charlotte’s breath.
"No matter what happened before, no matter what I thought, it’s the truth..." Charlotte closed her eyes, her lips parting slightly.
She hadn’t managed to properly raise Astrid. Facing the girl’s cold shoulders and rejection, she failed to act as a true mother should, accepting all of Astrid’s negative emotions.
She hadn’t firmly disciplined her when she did wrong. She hadn’t spent enough time with her to help this young soul resist the corruption of money, power, and desire.
Most importantly, because of Astrid’s millions of rebel acts, she chose to respond with the same cold treatment toward this once-good child, though gentler than Astrid’s outright refusal to meet.
Yet not inviting the Imperial Princess to such an important event as a birthday banquet proved Charlotte was already wavering, the once tightly clasped hands began to loosen their grip.
"I failed to raise you properly and abandoned my responsibility... like a coward, I ran away, shut myself off, closed my eyes and ears..."
"Letting Astrid lose her way in the noble life of power and authority."
This was Charlotte’s deepest guilt. On one hand, she hadn’t set an example for Astrid to become someone like her own mother. On the other hand, she despised her own lack of resolution.
As Fanya’s closest friend, even though the latter had never demanded she treat Astrid kindly, she should have taken up the mantle of raising Astrid after Fanya’s disappearance. Instead, they’d ended up mutually resentful, barely avoiding becoming lifelong strangers.
If that night Astrid hadn’t come, hadn’t broken through the fragile relationship barrier they’d begun to build, what would their future have become?
Probably like long-uncontacted friends, gradually growing indifferent. When recalled, the memories wouldn’t be of past warmth, but rather the cracks before the break and the scars left after.
"In the past... I let go."
A silver strand of hair swayed to her nose, dampened by tears. Charlotte kept one arm wrapped around Astrid’s slender frame, preserving a final trace of elder dignity by hiding her expression, whispering softly into the girl’s ear.
"So this time, I won’t let Astrid disappear before my eyes..."
"That... absolutely cannot happen..."
She’d already lost Astrid once because of her own failures. Now, she never wanted to lose her again.
So even if it meant risking her soul being tainted by Astrid’s increasingly unstable spirit, risking both dissolving into nothingness under the world’s suppression force, Charlotte would without hesitation open her heart, dive deep into the mind, and share the burden together.
For this relative who had fallen into the mud, she will never let go again.
Just as Astrid thought Charlotte had finished speaking and prepared to comfort her, the dark-haired beauty resting on her shoulder spoke again.
"And also... Astrid..."
Fingers touching her back tapped slightly against the smooth, ink-black fabric of her dress. The pure white fingertips, pressing firmly, turned even paler.
"Were you... for just an instant... wanting to leave this place?"
Soul resonance allowed Charlotte to partially share Astrid’s feelings, making their minds partially interconnected.
"...I could sense it."
In that moment affected by the strange force, Charlotte realized there was a faint sense of detachment from this world deep within Astrid’s heart.
She couldn’t quite explain why, but it was definitely there. The reason their previous soul connections hadn’t detected it was probably because this detachment was too small, too insignificant for Charlotte to notice. But now, amplified by the world’s suppression force, that faint emotion had objectively grown stronger, becoming the force pushing Astrid away from reality, and allowing Charlotte to finally detect this subtlety.
In that instant, the silver-haired girl had been like a dandelion caught in the wind, ready to drift away at the slightest inattention.
Asked this question by Charlotte, Astrid fell into brief silence before speaking after a few seconds.
"That’s true."
Deep within her heart, there might indeed have been a fleeting thought of returning to her previous world.
To see her former younger sister again. To check how she was doing now.
But no matter how much she imagined it, that was just an intangible ideal, different from reality... Her past and present selves had already fused in memory. To Astrid, both sides were home.
If she had the opportunity, visiting as a traveler would be wonderful, but it didn’t mean Astrid would actually stay there. In the newly born Kalist Empire, she had a younger sister who loved her, a warm-hearted aunt, a fiercely loyal maid captain, and a lover who fit her perfectly in every way.
They were part of her life’s meaning, solid evidence supporting Astrid’s conviction that this novel world truly exists, despite her godlike perspective.
Her sights, her sounds, her feelings, all were real. Even she, the character within the painting, the supposedly-dead third imperial princess Astrid Calliste, was truly real.
"But that was just a fleeting thought... Lady Charlotte..."
Not revealing everything about her past life, Astrid embraced the mature beauty beside her, her legs gently brushed as she whispered softly.
"Just like sometimes, despite being the noble Crown Princess, when I see distressing things happening in life, I think... maybe I should just kill everyone in the world."
Like the original story’s timeline, where the little tyrant completely abandoned kindness and conscience, ignoring people’s suffering and rampaging like a beast, turning the empire into a war machine.
No complications. Good, bad, white, black, just kill, kill, kill. Wipe them all out.
Having so many lives and a magnificent empire buried alongside her, wouldn’t that be worth it?
Before Charlotte could respond, Astrid’s fingers gently stroked through her hair, her tone calm.
"After all, everyone’s just selfish bastards. Love is often wrapped in desire. Steadfast faith always corrupts. Beauty is easily forgotten, but pain lingers. What meaning do such intelligent beings even have?"
"So I often think this way."
"..."
Facing her aunt’s silence, Astrid continued.
"Are these thoughts too heretical?"
More than heretical, if she actually acted on them, Astrid Calliste would become worse than anyone in history. Compared to this, Amalia from the original novel would seem like mere minor violations, since she’d never gone as far as mass slaughter.
"Astrid... do you really think this way?"
"Not now, but I’ve thought about it before."
"For instance, that day at Liya Tower, when I saw [Holy Light Manifestation Torrent of Light] and [Heaven’s Tremor, Solar Judgment] appear simultaneously. As Regent overseeing the frontlines, I couldn’t show any panic, had to quickly suppress my emotions and rush forward."
"But actually, at that moment, I was thinking... if either Lyra or Lady Charlotte got hurt, I’d find a way to capture Hebrew and cut him into a thousand pieces."
"And the mastermind behind it all, Brennild, and those who’d been deceived, believing they walked the path of justice, the Light Knights."
Astrid fluttered her eyelashes, speaking coldly.
"If someone commits a crime, they should face punishment, no matter the reason."
If she truly handled things this way, the Kingdom of Velys would be thrown into chaos. From top to bottom, everyone would be purged, many commoners at the societal base had been brainwashed by nobles, and the gathered public opinion had provided some support for the war.
"From a results-oriented perspective, there’s no problem, right?"
This logic seems flawless, revenge for grudges, payback for grievances. It has been this way since ancient times.
"But... is this really right?" Astrid asked.
"..."
Charlotte didn’t respond, but already knew the answer in her heart.
In her view, those truly responsible were the upper-class nobles of the Kingdom of Velys, the deceived Inseber, and Brennild who instigated the war.
Ordinary soldiers were just following orders, they didn’t even know what they were doing.
Of course, those who took pleasure in slaughter and aggression, fully aware of their actions yet persisting, those who’d lost their humanity and become beasts were exceptions.
"I understand these are just emotional impulses of mine. So even if I felt deeply worried at the time, I’d still restrain myself, keeping reason and emotion at a relatively balanced level."
If it had been Amalia whose sister died, she probably would’ve done even more terrifying things than in the original timeline.
"Pessimistic thoughts, extreme ideas, negative psychology, most people have them."
Using her hair to gently wipe the moisture from Charlotte’s eyes, Astrid wrapped her arms around the woman’s neck, whispering by her ear.
"The difference lies only in whether one can restrain themselves, stay, and rise again when realizing everything is sinking."
"There are reformed sinners in this world, and righteous men who later fell into tyranny. There’s filth so dirty it’s unbearable, and the fragrance of flowers and cakes."
They couldn’t focus only on the depraved, reckless, life-disregarding eldest prince, while overlooking the kind, strong, warm-hearted little maid.
"Lady Charlotte... what I mean is..."
"That detachment was merely a faint emotional residue. I promise you, I’ll never go far."
Whether disappearing physically, or in terms of future choices, she will always stand beside Charlotte.
Feeling the words leave her mouth, she noticed the beautiful woman in her arms tremble slightly. Astrid turned her head, her cold, stunning red eyes meeting the woman’s moist, tea-colored gaze.
"And also... there’s no need to apologize to me..."
"Lady Charlotte has done wonderfully. If not for you holding my hand, making such great sacrifices, I might have already lost myself in chaos."
"I’m truly grateful for your constant care."
And more important, the one who truly needed to say sorry was her.
Those fragments of past memories constantly remind Astrid of how much she’d wronged Charlotte, this elder who loved her. That the other could forgive everything because of a single gift and one night’s conversation, this would be impossible with anyone else.
Seeing her aunt’s face reflected in her pupils, Astrid spoke softly.
"Besides..."
"You’ve already caught me, Lady Charlotte."
Accompanying the gentle voice came slender white fingers gently wiping the corner of her eye.
Meeting Astrid’s gaze, Charlotte’s heartbeat skipped half a beat, the teeth lightly biting her lip gradually relaxing.
"Astrid... don’t you think I’m an incompetent Aunt?"
"Of course not."
After wiping away the tears, Astrid’s hand moved to Charlotte’s waist, interlacing their fingers.
"You’re someone incredibly, incredibly important to me. You’re the anchor keeping me grounded in life."
Having an honest conversation was good, better than the past, when they’d been twisted up inside, with a stone lodged in their hearts.
Feeling the atmosphere had slightly eased, no longer so awkward, Astrid blinked, her voice low.
"Besides... Lady Charlotte is like this now..."
Her black-stockinged legs shifted slightly on the bed, only to be held in place by the other’s long legs clad in sheer stockings. The pale arch of her foot pressed against the obsidian-like calf, leaving not a single gap.
"Where could I possibly escape to?"
Physically, she truly had been "caught" by Charlotte.
Hearing her niece’s words, Charlotte only now realized they were still maintaining that intimate position from their soul resonance earlier.
But this time, Charlotte didn’t rush to let go. Instead, she continued holding on, using Astrid’s smooth skin and warm body temperature to confirm the girl’s existence.
"So... Little Astr never resented me?"
"Mm. Lady Charlotte over-thought it."
Could it be that this hidden guilt deep in her heart was what had blocked their mental connection before?
Feeling faint breaths against her skin, surrounded by the fragrance emanating from the girl’s dress and hair, Charlotte remained silent for a long time. Only when her accelerated blood flow had slightly calmed did she lean down and kiss Astrid’s forehead.
"I love you... Astrid..."
These words might sound overly sentimental, but right now, Charlotte simply wanted to say them, even if her ears immediately grew warm, as if someone were breathing softly beside them.
Hearing this, Astrid’s lips lifted slightly as she softly replied.
"I love you too, Lady Charlotte."
Thus, she had finally untangled the other’s heart.
Hearing Astrid’s response, the legs entwined with hers seemed to grow slightly warm. Charlotte moistened her lips, and when she tried to shift slightly, she heard the soft rustling of silk, prompting her to abandon any to pull her legs away.
Recalling the words Astrid had used to comfort her earlier, Charlotte couldn’t help but admit:
Astrid... had truly become completely different from before...
In certain aspects, she was even more mature than her elder who was years older.
Nothing like the little girl she once knew.
Perhaps she should completely let go of her outdated impressions and see her through the eyes of an outstanding adult.
Regent Astrid was now dazzling, almost indescribably so.
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