Chapter 631: Don’t Blame yourself
Hearing her aunt speak to her in such an almost pleading tone for the first time, Astrid’s eyes flickered slightly, her clear crimson pupils quietly gazing at the raven-haired beauty pressing her face against her.
"What’s wrong... Lady Charlotte..."
After holding her for several seconds, Astrid spoke gently, her soft silver hair brushing against Charlotte’s skin by her ears, giving the other woman a cool, delicate sensation.
Upon hearing this, Charlotte remained silent, continuing to tightly embrace the slender waist of the silver-haired girl, as if clutching a long-lost treasure. After a brief pause, she finally spoke.
"I thought... you were going to leave far away again..."
The third princess who entered the imperial palace had, within just two or three years, transformed from a pure and kind little princess into an arrogant and domineering noble, becoming someone Charlotte could barely recognize.
And just now, the feeling Astrid gave her wasn’t just an ordinary change in personality, she’d felt something deeper, as if her entire being, body and soul alike, was being peeled away from this world.
Detecting the other’s unease from her words, Astrid continued to hold the woman’s shoulders, her long, smooth black-stockinged legs gently closing together as she whispered.
"No, I won’t, Lady Charlotte."
"That force seems to have temporarily disappeared. I can no longer feel that suffocating sensation of sinking into the deep sea."
After stabilizing her cultivation level, and her mental energy truly reaching the threshold of an early tier Arcanist mage, the oppressive force that previously threatened to disintegrate her soul piece by piece, like foam dissolving into nothingness, had vanished, as if it had never existed.
Only those who had truly experienced it could understand how terrifying this invisible yet intensely intense resistance was truly. One mistake, and she might actually become a vegetable. Even now, a faint trace of fear still lingered in Astrid’s consciousness.
If she hadn’t accumulated enough anchor points in this reincarnated world to stabilize her own existence, the present-day Astrid would most likely have already severed all ties with reality, completely losing her will to live.
But... there was another crucial point...
Her breakthrough had occurred exactly as she established a soul connection with Charlotte. This tangible anchor to another world deepened her impression of reality, and combined with the other woman’s soul nourishment and guidance, Astrid had finally managed to climb out of the abyss.
It could be said that without Charlotte, if she’d had to face it alone, Astrid’s chances of successfully awakening wouldn’t have exceeded thirty percent.
Embracing the warm, soft body, gently breathing in the refreshing fragrance that had guided her when her soul was at peace, Astrid fluttered her eyelashes and softly parted her pink lips.
"It’s alright now, Lady Charlotte."
"This time, you caught me."
The tender, melodious voice lingered in the air, like the clear chirping of birds. Upon hearing Astrid’s response, Charlotte’s breath caught slightly, her tea-colored eyes lowered.
"Astrid..."
"Hmm?"
"...I’m sorry."
"Why suddenly say that?"
Astrid twirled a strand of Charlotte’s raven hair around her finger, her delicate leg gently rubbing against the smooth, silky instep of the other woman’s foot. The fair skin shone even more brilliantly against the contrast of black silk.
"It was Lady Charlotte who used resonance to share part of that burden with me. Later, you voluntarily mentally delved deeper, trying to awaken my sinking consciousness."
"It’s me who should be grateful for your care, easily escaping that siege because of you. Why are you apologizing to me?"
By all rights and feelings, she was the one who should be apologizing. It was her sudden breakthrough that had caused Charlotte so much worry and stress.
"..."
Warm rays of light bathed Astrid and Charlotte, illuminating their hair. Their close proximity allowed their body heat to mingle, gradually shifting the atmosphere.
After several minutes, Charlotte, still embracing her niece, spoke softly.
"You know... that’s not what I’m talking about..."
Her gentle breath brushed against Astrid’s neck, accompanied by waves of intoxicating fragrance. Charlotte’s tone was complicated, even the legs beneath the bed gradually tensing.
"It’s about my failure as an elder... long ago."
In the past, she had been absent for a period due to academy work and research on magical devices, causing young Astrid Calliste, then adopted by Hibbort, to miss out on proper education.
The Emperor’s nearly limitless affection, combined with Crown Prince Lucas’s consistent noble demeanor, caused this young princess to gradually become arrogant, selfish, and haughty, becoming the quintessential upper-class noble of the Valeria Empire.
Under these circumstances, upon her return to the capital, Charlotte had tried to correct Astrid, attempting to guide her onto the path once walked by her birth mother, Lady Fanya, a path that brought blessings to the people of the Empire, becoming a noble truly worthy of love and reverence, worthy of supreme glory.
But Charlotte had misjudged the corrupting influence of material comfort on a young soul. Having spent years inside the palace, enjoying fine clothes and exquisite food, with servants attending to her every need and no one daring to oppose her, under the highest authority of the Empire, why wouldn’t one seize the opportunity to indulge in privilege and power?
"At that time, I hoped you could become kind, strong, and truly admirable like your mother..."
"So I often lectured you, told you this was wrong, that was inappropriate, always spouting endless nagging words."
"And made you... especially resent me..."
Differences in values and worldviews inevitably lead to unpleasant arguments. After several such incidents, Astrid began resenting Charlotte for constantly interfering in her life, questioning what right the other woman had to control her, even instructing the head maid to deny Charlotte entry for a period.
She didn’t want to see this aunt who only spoke lofty ideals. Compared to listening to her lectures, she’d rather chat with a few close friends about clothes and food, enjoying their meticulous flattery of her status as the Empire’s most beautiful woman.
Hearing this, Astrid remains silent, her mind unconsciously recalling her state before her past-life memories awakened the relationship between her and Charlotte.
One was a strict aunt who constantly lectured her, urging her to tone down her attitude, not to act recklessly just because the Emperor favored her, telling her what she could and couldn’t do.
The other was someone who told her to do whatever she wanted, reminding her she was a princess, a noble being unreachable by commoners, always presenting herself as a refined and gentle elder brother.
Think about it: taking the time-consuming, effortful path of self-cultivation and toward kindness to the people, versus indulging in affection and living freely with supreme pleasure, which would young Astrid prefer?
The answer was obvious. Compared to the self-satisfaction gained from discipline, young Astrid much preferred living the life of a princess adored by millions of people. This caused her and Charlotte to grow increasingly distant.
"At that time, I was too young... I didn’t understand Lady Charlotte’s good intentions..." Astrid spoke softly.
That said, within the context of a feudal medieval system, especially within the generally murky noble circles of the Valeria Empire, the original host’s mindset and thoughts were quite normal.
She was already a princess. What was wrong with indulging in pleasures and mistreating servants? Why should anyone lecture her?
Strictly speaking, Charlotte was the odd one out. If the original host hadn’t foolishly provoked the destined female protagonist, arbitrarily oppressing the future little tyrant, her ending wouldn’t have been so tragic.
Ninety percent of noble daughters share the third princess’s mindset; they just exploited her powerful background. Some expressed their arrogance outwardly, others kept it hidden, but deep down, they all looked down on and scorned the common people.
Astrid, with memories from two lifetimes, could understand the original her choices, but under the influence of her past-life values, she didn’t agree with them.
"Do you... really think that was a good intention?" Charlotte softly repeated Astrid’s words, then continued.
"Even if I hadn’t said those things, Astrid’s future might still have been happy..."
"You’re an imperial princess. As long as the Emperor lives, your wealth and luxury won’t end. Under these circumstances, was it really right for me to urge you to become someone as busy as me, someone who’s already starting to forget how to live?"
"..."
"After you refused my visits, I’ve thought about this question more than once."
Had she been too obsessed? Did Astrid really need to walk that path? Did she need to become a certain kind of person?
Lady Fanya’s expectations, her own hopes, none of it mattered. If Astrid could live out her life in her own way, why did she have to be the villain trying to force her into a mold?
Among family members, different beliefs were completely normal. They didn’t need perfect alignment or shared ideals to stay together, this wasn’t romantic love.
She had demanded too much.
"Maybe I was wrong..."
Before Charlotte could finish her sentence, Astrid immediately responded.
"You weren’t wrong, Lady Charlotte." Astrid said.
With knowledge of the original novel, Astrid could respond to Charlotte’s words with one hundred percent certainty.
If she’d listened to her aunt earlier, the original host might never have humiliated Amalia, thrown wine at Lyra, stripped her of her qualification, or grown so distant from Charlotte.
Eliminating all these fatal factors, with Charlotte’s protection, she could have firmly established herself in the Empire. Without awakening her past-life memories, she could have married into a good noble family and continue enjoying wealth and luxury in the future.
"In the past, I indulged in pleasure, ignorant and unlearned, only knowing how to waste my time, arrogant and domineering, offending many people."
"Lady Charlotte tried to pull me back onto the right path... How could that be wrong?"
Recklessly making enemies everywhere, bringing nothing but harm and no benefit, while the Emperor lived, she was a princess. When he died, what would she be? Charlotte’s past warnings were not without reason.
Unfortunately, a truly caring elder had been repeatedly hurt by her coldness and defiance.
After hearing Astrid’s words, Charlotte, who was still holding her, didn’t show much emotion, clearly still lost in self-doubt.
"Even if Astrid said so... I still didn’t do enough..."
"When you needed me most, I wasn’t by your side."
"I wasn’t a qualified educator, nor a responsible elder."
This point was difficult to argue. Her neglect had led to everything that followed, this was what Charlotte had always believed.
If only she had listened more, understood more, spent more time with her, things would never have turned out this way.
"..."
"Lady Charlotte..."
Astrid softly sighed, her slender wrist resting against the woman’s smooth, pale nape.
"I was born into this world for the first time. Unfamiliar with etiquette, ignorant of reality, I was easily misled by the outside world, corrupted by material comforts, unable to understand, prone to rebellion."
"That’s normal."
"And Lady Charlotte... you were also a first-time elder. You didn’t know how to discipline the younger generation, couldn’t understand her feelings, didn’t know how to express love."
"That’s also normal."
Astrid wasn’t saying this to completely absolve Charlotte of her educational responsibilities. Rather, she wanted to place herself on equal footing with the other, becoming a "co-conspirator" equally responsible for the unfortunate outcome.
This kind of verbal technique, often used in negotiations or interrogations, can sometimes be equally effective in comforting others.
"Lady Charlotte may indeed not have played the role of an elder well, but it can’t all be blamed on you."
"The true cause of all this was my own greedy self, the comfortable environment where I could take things freely without consequence, the Crown Prince who only said, ’My younger sister is a princess, so she should enjoy everything.’"
Pausing slightly, Astrid waited a few seconds before continuing.
"What I mean is... Lady Charlotte, you don’t need to blame yourself too much..."
Thinking carefully, the original host really had acted out, repeatedly dancing in Charlotte’s forbidden zones, adding cold treatment and attitude on top of it.
In a way, Charlotte, who had silently endured this for years, might have loved her no less than Canto did.
With a more temperamental parent, the ruler would have been broken over her head by now.
Breathing in the cool rose fragrance near her nose, Charlotte remained silent for a long time. The shadow of her body lying sideways on the bed fell onto the floor, covering the pair of high heels placed side by side.
"But... Astrid..."
As Charlotte spoke, the atmosphere briefly froze.
"At that time... I really did think about letting go."
That night of the birthday banquet, thinking of how Astrid had repeatedly rejected her, how even the meeting had become a luxury, with the head maid blocking her outside the palace gates, she hadn’t even sent Astrid an invitation.
"Pathetic, right... Even though I was the one who failed to properly raise my junior..." Charlotte lowered her lashes, her voice trembling.
"...yet I thought about treating her the same way."
Perhaps no one could have acted worse, lacking both the skill to raise a child and the perseverance to see it through, even forgetting her most important responsibility.
Astrid could treat her poorly, think she was annoying and hateful, always restricting her.
But after Fanya’s passing, she had become the other’s only family. No matter what, she shouldn’t have given up.
"It was me... who let you go..."
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