Chapter 159: Chapter 158 - The First Failure
Weekends at Kizuna Community Counseling Center were no longer unfamiliar territory for Kuro.
The smiling receptionist greeted him as usual.
Freshly brewed coffee could always be smelled around the office.
Gentle sounds of piano music filled the air.
A month ago, Kuro felt like an outsider.
Today, he belonged here.
He liked this feeling.
---
"Good morning."
Haruka waved as she came into the staff room with her pile of files.
"Good morning."
"You look more relaxed."
"I guess I’m getting used to this place."
Haruka smiled.
"That’s great."
"But don’t be too comfortable."
Kuro chuckled.
"I’ve heard this many times."
"Because it’s true."
She handed Kuro his work schedule.
"In the morning, it’s the same."
"Library."
"Reception."
"Lunch."
"Then, you’ll assist the visitor’s lounge."
"Got it."
---
During the afternoon, the center would become busier.
Families.
College students.
Working adults.
They all came to the center with hidden troubles.
Kuro greeted each of them politely before showing them where they can sit in the waiting area.
During the past few weeks, Kuro learned one thing.
Sometimes...
That’s all it took – just a simple smile.
---
Around two o’clock, the door opened.
Young man walked inside.
He looked like a college student, probably close to twenty years old.
His backpack hung on his shoulder lazily.
Dark shadows lay under his eyes.
He was dressed nicely.
Almost too nicely.
As though he made sure everything except himself looked perfectly okay.
Receptionist greeted him as usual.
"Welcome."
Young man answered her greeting, before sitting in the waiting area.
He kept looking at the counseling rooms, then floor and then to the door.
Like he was trying to decide whether to go out or stay.
Haruka was currently seeing another client.
"There’s going to be around fifteen minutes waiting."
Receptionist told him.
He nodded.
"I understand."
---
At that moment, Kuro was reorganizing the magazines near him.
Seeing how anxious he looked, he recalled Haruka’s words about interacting with visitors.
Don’t pressure him to start talking.
Never make assumptions.
Just create a comfortable atmosphere.
Silently placing a new cup of tea next to the table, Kuro looked at him gently.
"It’s for you."
The young man was surprised.
"...Thank you."
"No problem."
Kuro smiled.
Turning to leave, he suddenly heard:
"...Wait."
Kuro paused.
"Yes?"
"...Can I ask you something?"
"Well..."
"You’re not a professional, aren’t you?"
The young man looked embarrassed.
"You seem quite friendly."
So, he took a seat in front of Kuro.
---
"My parents want me to become a lawyer."
Young man started.
"But..."
"I don’t really want it."
Listening to his words, Kuro remembered his own struggle.
Not knowing what career to choose...
Feeling lost.
This situation sounded familiar.
Almost too familiar.
Without even noticing...
His personal experience filled the gaps.
He smiled reassuredly.
"I guess..."
"You already know the answer."
Looking hopefully, the young man asked:
"...Really?"
"If becoming a lawyer doesn’t bring you happiness..."
"You should consider your art."
"You only get one life."
"Don’t waste it by living somebody else’s dream."
Young man looked at him with different expression now.
Not relief.
Confusion.
He looked at the untouched tea cup.
"...I see."
And added quietly:
"Thank you."
Conversation finished.
Several minutes passed, and Haruka appeared in the hall.
"I’m sorry for the waiting."
She smiled sweetly.
The young man stood.
"It’s okay."
Following her into the counseling room...
The young man looked back.
His smile looked polite.
But...
Somehow, it looked distant.
---
The counseling session lasted almost an hour.
After that, he thanked everybody and went away silently.
Watching how the door closed automatically, Kuro felt surprisingly dissatisfied.
Somehow he didn’t feel good after the session.
What had he done wrong?
---
Later that day, when he was returning some books to the library section, Emi approached him.
Emi was a graduate of university, but she wasn’t a psychologist.
For now, she was still a trainee.
She smiled warmly.
"Got a free minute?"
"Sure."
"I need to ask you about the young man."
Nodding, Kuro listened.
"He seems to be in trouble."
"Yes, he does."
Looking at him seriously, Emi asked:
"What did you advise him?"
Kuro repeated their talk.
While hearing the story, her expression slowly changed.
And after she stayed silent for a few moments...
Suddenly, she asked a simple question.
"...Has he mentioned that he wants to be an artist?"
Kuro was confused.
"...No."
"Has he expressed hatred to becoming a lawyer?"
"...No."
"Has he asked you what career to choose?"
"...No."
Her questions stung Kuro harshly one after another.
Slowly frowning, he started.
"I..."
Gently smiling at him, Emi said:
"You assumed."
The word hung in the air.
Kuro froze.
Because...
He already knew she was right.
These words haunted Kuro.
"You assumed."
Standing in the silence of the library, he replayed their conversation over and over.
This student had spoken about his parents.
About law.
About drawing.
About being trapped.
However,
Had he asked Kuro for advice?
No.
Had he wished to become an artist?
No.
With great reluctance, he closed his eyes.
He had come to his conclusions even before knowing the whole truth.
---
Emi saw the realizations on his face.
"You understand now."
Kuro nodded hesitantly.
"I answered the question that I believed he was asking."
"Not the question he really asked."
Emi smiled.
"Indeed."
Holding a book from the shelf, she continued.
"If there is a person who only read half of the novel..."
"...could this person say he understands the ending?"
"No."
"This person will misinterpret the characters."
"This person will misinterpret the plot."
Placing the book back onto its place, Emi finished.
"In many ways, people are the same."
---
A soft sigh escaped Kuro’s mouth.
"I thought I helped him."
"I know."
"And that is precisely why it feels so bad."
Looking into his eyes, Emi answered.
"Good intention is not always equal to good practice."
Kuro lowered his gaze.
"...I wanted him to be happier."
"And you wished to solve his problems."
Kuro nodded slowly.
"Yes."
"And there is nothing wrong with that."
Emi continued.
"But solving his problems immediately may have unintentionally conveyed..."
« "Your problem is simple." »
While in reality...
It usually isn’t.
---
Later on, Haruka returned from yet another counseling session.
Almost instantly, she felt the unusual tension in the air.
"What’s going on?"
Smiling sweetly, Emi responded.
"Kuro has made his first professional mistake."
Turning around, Haruka faced Kuro.
"I see."
Embarrassed, he nodded slightly.
"I made assumptions."
Haruka brought a chair and sat next to him.
"Tell me."
In short terms, he shared the whole conversation with her.
He offered no excuses.
No explanations.
When he was done, Haruka smiled softly.
"I’m glad."
Surprised, Kuro looked at her.
"...Why are you?"
"Because you have made this mistake within these walls."
"Walls which could give you the advice."
She placed her hands on her knees.
"Every psychologist knows the lesson of his own first mistake."
"What matters is not in the absence of failures."
"But in gaining knowledge from each of them."
---
Glancing toward the waiting room, Kuro whispered.
"...Do you think I made things even worse?"
Haruka told the truth.
"I don’t know."
"After all, he received his session of counseling."
"And he was able to talk to someone."
"Thus, don’t make hasty conclusions either."
Quietly laughing, Kuro said.
"I almost made another assumption."
"You have."
They smiled together.
---
Now Haruka rose to feet and went to a large whiteboard that was used during volunteers’ training.
Taking a marker, she wrote two phrases on it.
Listening to respond.
Listening to understand.
Then, underlining them, she asked.
"Which one were you practicing today?"
Without hesitation, Kuro answered.
"Listening to respond."
"Since I was already considering what I wanted to say."
"In other words, I wasn’t fully concentrated on his needs."
Nodding, Haruka continued.
"When you try to formulate your response while listening..."
"...you are not really listening."
---
Erase, she wrote two new words.
Bridge.
Again pointing at herself, she stated.
"Suppose that this bridge leads from you."
To his client, she pointed next.
"Now, assuming that you already know what is at the other end..."
"...you will not go through."
Staring intently at Haruka, Kuro listened.
"Instead, you will remain where you are, shouting your advice."
Smiling, Haruka went on.
"While the true listening is..."
"...walking to the other end."
"Step by step."
"Even if you take some time."
---
Right at this moment, the receptionist came into the room.
"The university student left something behind."
In her hands was his sketchbook.
Recognizing it, Kuro looked toward Haruka.
Taking the book, she found the contact information.
Opening the first page, she looked at sketches drawn in pencil.
The city.
The cafe.
Trees.
People.
All of them had captured subtle emotions that most wouldn’t see.
Leafing through another page, he saw a portrait of a person.
His eyes were weary.
Uncertain.
Confused.
Gently closing the sketchbook, Haruka remarked.
"There is much more in his story than what we have heard."
Nodding slowly, Kuro admitted.
"And I believed that I understood the ending."
---
An hour passed, and the student returned to retrieve his sketchbook.
By coincidence, Kuro was at the reception desk.
Only for a second, their glances met.
Stepping closer to him, Kuro started.
"...Pardon me."
Stopping, the young man waited.
"For what?"
"I offered you some advice when I haven’t really known your problem."
"I should have listened longer."
Silent for a moment, he continued.
"...Well, I thought that..."
"I wondered why you answered so promptly."
Uncomfortably touching the back of his neck, Kuro replied.
"Well, we seemed similar."
"In fact, we were not."
Smiling softly, the young man agreed.
"Indeed."
Kuro’s curiosity grew.
"You are saying that you have not been choosing between law and arts?"
Shaking his head, the man added.
"No."
"Rather, I have already chosen law."
"As you see, I enjoy studying law."
"But I also love drawing."
"My issue..."
Looking at his sketchbook, he finished.
"...is that I don’t know how to tell my parents that I..."
"...did not choose law due to my love."
Speechless, Kuro finally grasped the answer.
Different from what he had believed!
Soft laughter echoed in the room.
"I guess I didn’t explain clearly enough."
"No."
"But you did."
Kuro smiled weakly.
"I just didn’t hear everything."
For a few moments, they fell silent.
Then reaching a hand out, he apologized once again.
"Thank you anyway."
"I have seen that you cared."
"You were right."
Their hands shook.
"Next time..."
"I will listen more attentively."
"I’m sure of it."
With those words, the young man disappeared.
---
Back in the library, Kuro sat alone.
Before him was his notebook, which he started using as a volunteer.
Most pages in it were occupied by his notes.
His small lessons.
His memories.
Leaning back, Kuro opened a new page.
And, with great effort, wrote his lesson.
Lesson #7
Don’t equate understanding with assumption.
Pausing a bit, he wrote one more line underneath it.
Good intention opens the door.
Good listening helps one enter it.
Thinking hard, he closed the notebook.
Today had been a painful experience.
Humiliating.
And it became obvious to him that he failed.
Not because he was indifferent.
But because he believed his good intentions were sufficient.
Closing the lights of the library, he went towards the exit.
But before leaving, he heard Haruka’s voice calling his name.
"Kuro."
Whirling around, he answered.
"You will make more mistakes."
"Naturally."
"But there is one condition."
"Yes?"
"Don’t fear making mistakes."
"Learn to fear not admitting them."
"I will."
"I knew that."
Nodding to her, Kuro left.
---
On his way home, Kuro reflected upon his experience.
Outside the warm atmosphere of the library, the evening wind cooled the room of the library.
Yet, this experience showed him something essential about psychology.
That it was not about always being right.
But about the humility of admitting mistakes.
Perhaps...
It was the true beginning of the journey.
