Chapter 158: Chapter 157 - You Can’t Save Everyone
One week ago, Kuro started to volunteer at the Kizuna Community Counseling Center.
His job hasn’t changed all that much.
Organizing books.
Getting counseling rooms ready.
Welcoming visitors.
Making tea.
Cleaning the facility when it closes.
It was mundane work.
But for some reason, Kuro started to look forward to every Saturday.
Not because of the work itself.
But because every one of those visitors made him realize why he chose this line of work.
---
"Good morning."
Haruka greeted him upon entering the counseling center.
"Morning."
She threw him an apron.
"The same things as usual?"
"Yeah."
She paused for a second, observing Kuro.
"...You look more comfortable here."
"I am."
"The first day felt like a misfit’s hell."
"Right now?"
Kuro looked around the facility.
"It feels... familiar."
Haruka nodded approvingly.
"That’s good."
"Just remember."
"Never get used to other people’s pain."
"And being used to the environment matters."
---
The morning went by smoothly.
There was an elderly couple attending a support group session.
Some university student picked up several books on dealing with anxiety.
A young office worker left a thank-you note for the receptionist before quietly stepping into a counseling room.
Everyone had their personal demons to fight.
Kuro simply couldn’t stop thinking about them.
What happened?
Are they getting any better?
Do they have someone to come back home to?
Those thoughts stayed with Kuro for a long time after each visitor vanished into thin air.
---
As it was approaching noon, Kuro was sorting books in the psychology section for the second time.
"You’ve already organized them twice."
Kuro blinked.
"...Really?"
"Thoughts too much?"
The boy blushed slightly.
"Is it that noticeable?"
"It is."
Haruka rested her weight against the bookshelf.
"What’s the problem?"
Kuro paused.
"...Last week..."
"The kid."
"Haru."
She nodded.
"I keep wondering about him."
"He’s coming back tomorrow."
A small smile appeared on Kuro’s face.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"But..."
She continued kindly.
"You may not meet him this time."
"Why?"
"A different volunteer will take care of the children’s corner."
Kuro’s smile faded away.
"Oh..."
Haruka immediately noticed.
"You wanted to talk to him again."
"I just..."
He tried to find the right words.
"...wanted to know whether he’s alright."
---
Before she could answer, the entrance bell rang.
A middle-aged woman entered the facility.
Her eyes were puffy from crying.
But she forced herself to smile while greeting the receptionist, even if her hands were trembling when filling out the paperwork.
Kuro unconsciously took a step forward.
"I’ll help with this..."
Haruka lightly grabbed his hand.
"Wait."
"Why? She looks..."
"I know."
The girl stood silently, watching the woman disappearing behind the wall of counseling rooms.
She frowned.
"I could’ve asked her whether she needs some water..."
"Don’t worry."
"I know you want to help."
"But there’s a reason for every role."
---
The afternoon followed the same routine.
Some high school kid.
A father of two, feeling worn out.
A lonely elderly man.
Kuro’s mind was full of thoughts about how much he wanted to help.
Help in any possible way.
Maybe it was just with his smile.
By the end of the shift, Kuro felt emotionally drained.
Much more than during his first visit here.
Haruka noticed that.
"You’re still carrying everyone around."
"...What do you mean?"
He asked in shock.
Haruka didn’t reply immediately.
First, she accompanied him to the lounge, and only then closed the facility.
Now only the two of them were in the room, as the raindrops started falling against the window glass outside.
She poured them both a cup of tea.
But instead of drinking, she calmly asked Kuro,
"How many clients did we have today?"
"...Around twenty."
"And how many of them are still in your head?"
"...All of them."
Silence.
"I thought so."
"I don’t understand..." He murmured.
Haruka smiled warmly.
"It’s not wrong."
"It’s natural."
Then she took a sip of her tea.
"But if you continue going like this..."
Her tone darkened.
"...you’ll never make it."
Kuro frowned.
"I don’t follow..."
"You think that each and every person entering this building must leave it happier."
"...Yes."
"Anytime something doesn’t happen..."
He remained quiet.
But he knew she was right.
He understood it only after she told him.
Haruka interlocked her fingers on the table.
"Kuro..."
"You have a kind heart."
"But it can be dangerous..."
He looked up.
"Dangerous?"
"For yourself."
For some reason, Kuro expected this conversation to cover some counseling techniques.
Instead...
This sounded like she was talking to him.
And for some reason, it felt uncomfortable.
Very uncomfortable.
The rainfall outside increased gradually.
Both of them stayed silent.
Kuro observed the cup of tea in his hands, the way it created ripples due to every drop of rain hitting the windowpane.
After some time, he finally lifted his gaze.
"...What if I stopped worrying about them..."
"...Doesn’t it mean I have stopped caring?"
Haruka smiled softly.
"That’s the question every new counselor asks."
She moved herself backward, sitting more comfortably.
"When I started my work, I used to think the exact way too."
"You did?"
She nodded.
"There was a high school girl visiting me regularly."
"She had serious issues with her anxiety."
"I wanted to help her so much that every night, all I could think about was her."
"How she ate."
"How well she was sleeping."
"If she was alright."
She let out a soft laughter.
"I even checked my phone in the midnight in case she had messaged an emergency email."
Kuro kept listening, not uttering a word.
"Anything happened?"
"I stopped sleeping."
"I lost concentration."
"I got emotionally exhausted."
She smiled sadly.
"And because of my exhaustion..."
"I wasn’t able to pay full attention to other people coming for therapy sessions."
Kuro now understood.
"The ones whom I wanted to help..."
"...Ended up getting lesser from me."
"Indeed."
---
Haruka rose from her place and walked towards the window.
"The strange thing about being a counselor..."
"...Is that your biggest asset can become your biggest downfall."
Turning back towards him, she said,
"Empathy is vital."
"But having unlimited empathy..."
"...Eventually will destroy you."
Kuro now lowered his eyes.
His thoughts wandered back to Yui, when she had visited him before the medical examination.
Mina, when she was unsure about herself.
Akari, during rumors of the festival.
Every single person, who had approached him for assistance.
All their problems and worries, he carried inside his heart like his own.
Never knowing that without even realising...
He had stopped putting them down.
Haruka now read his mind.
"You have been doing this for a long time."
"Right?"
Kuro smiled embarrassedly.
"...Maybe."
---
At that moment, another counselor came inside the staff lounge.
He must be in his fifties.
His hair had gone gray to a certain extent.
Even though he worked hard for a long period of the day, his face looked peaceful.
"Ah."
Haruka smiled widely.
"Perfect timing."
"Kuro."
"This is Mr. Sakamoto."
"One of our senior counselors."
This elderly gentleman now bowed before him respectfully.
"So you are the student Haruka always tells about."
Kuro bowed back to him.
"Pleasure meeting you, sir."
Mr. Sakamoto now settled himself by taking a seat near to them along with a cup of coffee.
"I couldn’t stop myself."
"From listening to your conversation regarding boundaries."
Haruka smiled.
"Right."
"He reminds me of myself."
Mr. Sakamoto chuckled softly.
"That usually means trouble."
---
Looking straight at Kuro, he asked,
"Why do you want to help people?"
Without pausing a bit, Kuro answered back.
"Because I don’t want anyone to remain alone."
Mr. Sakamoto smiled.
"A good reason."
Now with a serious look, he continued further.
"And what if that person still remains alone..."
"After talking to you?"
Kuro got stunned.
"I..."
"And if that person leaves this institute..."
"...After meeting you, their pain hasn’t left."
Silence filled the place.
"I don’t know."
Nodding his head, Mr. Sakamoto said,
"That’s the honest answer."
Placing his cup of coffee on the table, he said,
"There are people who cannot be helped."
"People who will stop approaching you."
"People who will turn down every one of your suggestions."
"Even people who might get worse despite all efforts put in them."
Kuro’s throat constricted.
"...How to accept such situations?"
With a gentle smile, Mr. Sakamoto answered him.
"You can’t accept them."
You have to respect them."
Kuro got confused.
"But I don’t understand."
---
Mr. Sakamoto now stood from his position and went towards the shelves.
Picking up a small candle and a box of matchsticks, he lit the former and placed it on the table.
It made a soft flickering sound as it burnt.
"Tell me."
"What does this candle do?"
"It gives light."
Kuro answered.
Mr. Sakamoto nodded.
"Can this single candle light all the houses in this city?"
"No."
"Does it mean that candle is useless?"
"...No."
"Only that..."
"...This candle has limitations."
Now looking at Kuro, he said,
"The same with people."
"The same with you."
"The same with counselors."
"The same with doctors."
"The same with teachers."
"However much you might want..."
"...You can’t save everyone."
These words hung heavy in the air.
Haruka softly added,
"Even thinking about it..."
"...Is unfair."
"Towards you."
"And towards the people you’re trying to help."
---
Kuro remained silent for a while.
Then he finally replied,
"I think..."
"I always thought that if I just tried harder..."
"...Everything will automatically work out."
Haruka smiled.
"Sometimes, trying harder is not the solution."
"At times, it is accepting what is yours and what isn’t."
Mr. Sakamoto now nodded.
"The choice of the clients..."
"...Belongs to them."
"Similarly, their lives belong to them."
"You can walk alongside them."
"But you can’t walk for them."
---
The rainfall outside slowed down.
Sunlight broke through the clouds, creating beautiful reflections inside the building.
Drops of water now sparkled brightly on the windows.
Kuro now watched them silently.
"I guess I have understood."
Haruka now smiled at him.
"Tell us what exactly you have learnt."
Taking a deep breath, Kuro now spoke up.
"I always thought that in helping someone, I am supposed to share his pain."
Looking at his palms, he continued,
"But if I keep carrying their burdens with me..."
"...One day I won’t be able to carry mine."
Satisfied, Mr. Sakamoto now nodded.
"Right."
Kuro smiled.
"So..."
"In order to help people, it is not necessary..."
"...To carry them."
"It is important to make them capable of carrying themselves."
Now Haruka couldn’t hide her smile anymore.
"You’ve learned today’s lesson perfectly."
---
Walking towards the exit point of the institute, Mr. Sakamoto suddenly called out to him.
"Kuro."
Turning back towards him, he said,
"When one day you become a psychologist..."
"Just remember this."
He carefully enunciated every word of his.
"You are responsible for giving your best."
"You are not responsible for controlling the outcome."
Kuro silently repeated the sentence to himself.
Give your best."
"Not control the result."
These words seemed simple to hear.
But at the same time, they shook all the beliefs he once had.
The rainfall outside had stopped completely.
Sky was now completely clear and serene.
While walking towards the station, Kuro felt oddly light somehow.
He still wanted to help others.
That didn’t change at all.
If anything...
That feeling had grown stronger in him.
But now he knew one thing that he never knew.
Being a kind individual doesn’t always imply sacrificing yourself till the last moment.
In order to show kindness, one requires patience.
Wisdom.
And at times...
The courage of letting others take their steps even if you want to carry them.
When the doors of the train closed behind him, he found one particular sentence lingering inside his mind.
Empathy without any boundaries leads to self-destruction.
And that was the truth.
