Chapter 334: After
Violet
The bond didn’t snap.
Neither did it rip, shatter, or tear like it had done when Damon had rejected me.
I felt it unwind, like a thread being pulled from a tapestry, and the warmth that had connected us started to loosen.
Each layer that fell away left behind an ache, a painful emptiness where he had occupied in me.
And I was certain the same was happening to him.
Then it was gone.
Kael flinched.
A single, sharp intake of breath. His hands tightened around mine for one convulsive moment as his whole body went rigid.
His eyes squeezed shut as he absorbed the severing.
Then he exhaled like a man forcing himself to breathe through a wound.
His grip on my hands loosened.
When he opened his eyes, the fierceness in them had greatly dimmed.
I opened my mouth, but I didn’t know what to say. No words existed for this moment.
It didn’t hurt, I know it didn’t, but there was the quiet pain I felt that was far worse for him.
’Say something.’
’Anything!’
Before I could speak, he pulled me into him.
His arms wrapped tightly around me, his chin resting on top of my head. The embrace was so sudden, so fierce, that my breath left my lungs in a rush.
I stood frozen for half a second.
Then my arms rose and wrapped around his back, my fingers gripping the fabric of his coat.
"Please take care," I whispered into his chest, my eyes stinging.
I did not wish to hurt anyone, especially either of them.
He held me tighter for one long moment before finally letting go.
He stepped back, and the cold air rushed between us. He looked at me one last time, appearing composed.
I knew he was going to fall apart later in private, where no one could see.
"I wish you so much happiness, Violet," he whispered, his voice shaky.
My eyes watered as he turned away and immediately shifted into his wolf form, his breath clouding the air as he darted off until the trees swallowed his silhouette.
I stood there alone in the cold, the empty bond aching with a loss I had chosen.
I hoped he would be fine.
[ - ]
I had wanted some time to myself, but I had to do something first.
I looked for Voya, and found her thankfully resting with some younger wolves. She had been oddly surprised when I had asked her for a favour, especially when that favour involved Kael.
She had studied me and, within seconds, read what I couldn’t bring myself to say outright. But I still voiced it after, and asked her to please check in on him. That way, at least, he wouldn’t be alone.
There was a strange compassion in her voice as she congratulated me on my decision, and thinking of Rowan in that moment had eased my heart immensely.
I had wandered out into the woods again, wanting to be by myself for a while before I even went to see Rowan.
Zephyr appeared at my silent call, curling around me as I sat in the snow staring out into the trees.
I had just broken the heart of one of the men who cared about me, and I felt a bit scared of the immense relief that filled me at the same time.
What scared me more was that if I could go back, I would still make the same decision.
My thoughts drifted without direction before finally settling on Rowan.
His face surfaced first. The way his green eyes lit up when he smiled, how carefree they were, how warm his hand was whenever it found mine, the sound of his laugh that would make me smile at times, even when nothing was funny.
And the way he looked at me. I felt so silly for waiting until I saw Kael again to make sure I was making the right choice, when it had been there all this time.
The ache in my chest softened as he filled my thoughts.
"Could a wolf reject me even though I have accepted them?" I whispered.
Zephyr perked up, a soft jolt running through her.
"Why would you say that?" She sounded so alarmed.
I sat up and shifted to look back at her, her eyes piercing me.
"I feel I might have been unfair to them both, especially him."
I knew I shouldn’t have avoided them this much, but I wasn’t sure how I could entirely navigate this between both of them for so long ever since we had arrived here.
I hoped Rowan didn’t reject me, but the possibility was there.
I have been such a coward when it came to the bond.
"No... don’t say that," she pushed, nuzzling up against me. Her tail swatted at my legs. "Enough speculating. Please."
I didn’t say anything and just relaxed against her again, watching the evening roll by in silence.
I wasn’t sure how long I had spent outside, but I rode Zephyr back to the castle.
A lot of the wolves were outside quietly celebrating and basking in the evening chill, even more languid than before. I felt a tinge of guilt for having disturbed them so much, but they had been accommodating, even as the other Supreme Alphas and their delegations left.
I paused at my room and took off the outer coat before finding my way to Rowan’s.
I stopped outside his door.
My heart was hammering, and my palms were damp despite the cold.
The faint pulse of his presence was muted with sleep. I spent the next few seconds bracing myself before quietly opening the door to slip inside.
The room was dark, and the warm air settled against my skin as I eased the door shut behind me.
He was lying on his side, his back to the door, and his breathing slow. A part of me hoped he would remain sleeping, while the other part wanted him to wake up.
I crossed the room on silent feet and climbed into the bed behind him. Now that I was so close, the urge to touch him felt overwhelming, and before I could lose my nerve, I pressed myself against his back and wrapped my arms around him.
He went still.
I felt the jolt of awareness shoot through the bond as his consciousness snapped fully awake.
My heart jumped to my throat, and I quickly buried my face in his back, nervous.
He didn’t move or say anything.
I tightened my arms around him and held on. Before I heard anything, I should at least give him my answer too.
"I love you," I whispered.
