Chapter 86: Rain Smells Like Pain
DUM!
DUM!
DUM!
Nobody raised both crowbars one final time. The poor Skyblader was already lying half-buried in the sand. Its metallic feathers were bent. Its glowing eyes were broken. Its pride had long since left the battlefield.
Yet Nobody still delivered one last dramatic strike. "DUM DUM DUM!"
BONK!
The giant bird twitched. Then stopped moving completely.
Silence spread across the desert. A few feathers drifted through the air.
Nobody stood triumphantly atop the defeated monster. Both crowbars resting on his shoulders. "Yeah. That felt nice."
The system appeared immediately.
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[STAGE 6 CLEARED]
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Boss Monster Defeated
___ Skyblader___
꧁⎝ 𓆩༺✧༻𓆪 ⎠꧂
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Battle Awareness Greatly Increased
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Reaction Speed Improved
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Threat Prediction Improved
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Bonus Experience Awarded
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Nobody grinned. "Nice."
The system wasn’t finished.
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Achievement Unlocked
Blade Storm Survivor
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Nobody pointed proudly at himself. "See? I survived."
The system paused.
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[Technically Yes]
But acted like a maniac
(ㆆࡇㆆ")
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"I survived. That’s all that matters." Purple pixels began gathering around him.
The stage was ending. The desert slowly dissolved. The defeated Skyblader vanished into particles.
Nobody waved. "Later, Birdie."
Then....
FLASH.
A moment later....
Nobody reappeared inside the tutorial chamber. The familiar room greeted him.
The floating platforms and glowing walls. The giant screens.
And Ren, the rabbit coach, was standing there.
Nobody smiled. "Hey Ren."
Ren stared.
Nobody smiled harder.
Ren continued staring.
Nobody slowly lowered his smile. "...Why are you looking at me like that?"
Ren pointed.
"What." Nobody blinked. "What?"
Ren pointed harder. "What the actual f**k was that?"
Nobody froze. "...What part?"
Ren looked horrified. "WHAT PART?! The entire ending!"
Nobody scratched the back of his head. "Oh. That."
Ren walked forward. "You defeated the boss. Good...You adapted. You improved your battle awareness. Very good." Then Ren pointed accusingly. "But why did you torture the monster like a maniac?!"
Nobody coughed. "Ahem...!"
Ren folded his arms. "No. Explain."
Nobody looked away and started to whistle like he did nothing. "♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ."
Ren narrowed his eyes. Nobody looked further away. Ren waited.
Finally Nobody sighed. "...I was in the mood for some drum beating."
Complete silence. Even the system refused to speak.
Ren slowly placed one hand on his forehead. "...Man."
Nobody laughed nervously. "Heh."
Ren stared at him. Then sighed deeply. "You’re becoming crazier."
Nobody immediately pointed at himself. "What? Nooo.... I became a brave warrior."
Ren looked unconvinced. "A brave warrior?"
"Exactly."
Ren pointed toward a screen. The screen instantly replayed footage.
Nobody appeared on it. Standing atop the Skyblader. Violently beating it while making drum noises. "DUM DUM DUM!"
BONK!
"DUN DUN DUN!"
WHACK!
The replay ended.
"..." Nobody was speechless.
Ren slowly looked back at Nobody. "...More like a crazy maniac who plays drums on defeated monsters."
Nobody immediately coughed. "AHEM."
Ren folded his arms.
Nobody looked away.
Ren continued staring.
Nobody became increasingly uncomfortable. Then finally he said,"Can we just forget that happened?"
Ren instantly replied. "No."
"Please?"
"No."
"I’ll buy you a carrot."
"No."
"Two carrots?"
Ren thought about it. Then shook his head. "No."
Nobody sighed dramatically. "You’re impossible."
"No. I’m your coach. Not Tommy Cruise missions."
Blossom suddenly appeared beside Nobody. The bunny looked between both of them. Then tilted its head. "Atta?"
Nobody immediately pointed at Ren. "See? Even Blossom agrees with me."
Blossom immediately pointed at Ren. "Atta."
Nobody froze. "Wait. Not like that."
Ren laughed. Even Blossom seemed amused.
Nobody looked betrayed. "My own companion."
The bunny nodded proudly. "Atta."
"Traitor."
A few minutes later....
The group sat around one of the floating platforms. Nobody stretched comfortably. His body felt great. Actually better than great.
Every stage continued making him stronger. His movements felt smoother and senses sharper. Even sitting still felt different.
Ren noticed. "You’re adapting well."
Nobody looked up. "Really?"
Ren nodded. "The improvements from Aconite’s poison."
"The combat experience, battle awareness training they’re all starting to combine."
Nobody smiled. "Nice."
Ren casually continued. "You’re far stronger than when you entered this tutorial."
Nobody nodded.
That much was obvious. The old version of himself would’ve been destroyed by the current version. No contest.
Then Ren added "Unfortunately."
Nobody froze. "...Why unfortunately?"
Ren smiled. The dangerous smile. The one Nobody hated. "Because your next stage begins tomorrow."
Nobody groaned immediately. "There it is."
Ren leaned forward. "Stage Seven."
Nobody gulped. Something about the way Ren said those words felt wrong.
The rabbit coach continued. "You’ve improved your strength. You’ve improved your awareness. You’ve improved your instincts. But Stage Seven will test something else."
Nobody slowly leaned backward. "Ren."
"Yeah? I don’t like where this conversation is going."
Ren ignored him. "Your next opponent will be much more difficult..goofy"
Nobody swallowed. "Goofy!!! How difficult?"
Ren smiled. The smile somehow became worse. "Much worse."
Even Blossom seemed nervous. The bunny scooted slightly away.
Ren finally answered. "Let’s just say..."
Nobody immediately regretted asking. "...Ren."
"What? You always start bad news with ’Let’s just say.’"
"Because it sounds dramatic."
"Stop being dramatic."
"No."
Nobody sighed. "Just tell me."
Ren casually grabbed another carrot. Took a bite.
Crunch.
Then spoke. "You’re going to get it hard when you meet your Stage Seven opponent."
Nobody froze. "..." He asked,"...What?"
Ren pointed toward him. "You heard me."
Nobody gulped very hard. The confidence he gained from defeating Skyblader suddenly vanished. His imagination immediately began creating horrifying possibilities.
Giant monsters, demon kings, ancient dragons, psychopathic chickens. Everything felt possible now.
Nobody slowly stood. Then pointed at Ren. "You’re scaring me."
Ren smiled. "Good. That’s healthy."
"It’s not healthy!"
"It is for survival."
Nobody groaned. Then looked toward the ceiling. "System."
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[YES?](⇀‸↼‶)
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"Can I skip Stage Seven?"
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[NO](ㆆ_ㆆ)
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"Can I bribe Stage Seven?"
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[NO]( •̀⤙•́ )
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"Can I pretend to be dead?"
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[NO](≖_≖ )
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Nobody sighed. His shoulders slumped, defeated.
Ren laughed. Blossom laughed. Even the system seemed amused.
Nobody crossed his arms. "But seriously, Ren... who am I gonna fight?"
Ren immediately looked away. Ren coughed. "Ahem."
Nobody’s eyes widened. "Oh no. Oh no no no."
Ren sighed. "Let’s just say..."
Nobody grabbed his head. "NOT THE ’LET’S JUST SAY’ AGAIN!"
Ren ignored him. "...You’re gonna fight something that will make you hate comedy."
Nobody blinked. Then blinked again. "...Comedy?"
"Yes."
"Like... jokes?"
"Yes."
Nobody gulped. A very bad feeling crawled up his spine. "Ren..."
"What?"
"It’s not some scary spider clown, right?"
Ren immediately looked offended. "Of course not. Why would you even think of something like that?"
Nobody pointed aggressively. "Seriously?! You are asking ME that?!"
Ren blinked.
Nobody continued. "You do remember I fought the dinosaurs fused with a spider, right?!"
Ren froze. "...Ahem."
Nobody gasped dramatically. "NOW YOU’RE DOING AHEM TOO?!"
Ren looked away.
Nobody immediately started pacing. "That means something is definitely gonna beat my as* in Stage Seven. I can smell it."
Ren rubbed his forehead. "You can’t smell danger."
"Yes, I can. It’s in my NPC DNA."
"No."
"Yes."
"No. Nobody suddenly looked toward the sky dramatically. The wind blew through the tutorial chamber for absolutely no reason. He placed one hand over his chest. "The wind follows me..."
Ren narrowed his eyes. "Oh no."
"It gonna make rain..."
"Stop."
"Rain smells like my pain..."
"Please stop." Ren stared. "Where the hell did you find that quote?"
Nobody pointed at himself proudly. "A famous dude."
Ren waited. "...Who?"
"A guy who hunts at night like me." Ren stared for several seconds. Then sighed. "I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about."
"Neither do I."
"...What?"
"I forgot halfway through the quote." Nobody replied.
Blossom immediately fell over laughing. "Atta! Atta!"
Even Ren couldn’t stop himself from laughing. Though deep down, he was still wondering how to explain Stage Seven to Nobody.
Because once the stage started...
Nobody would learn exactly why comedy could be terrifying.
