The man who had frozen in place hacked a deep cough, and a clot of blood surged out of his mouth.
With a wet patter, something heavy and warm dropped onto my chest.
“Ku... kuh—this... fu—...”
Like a wind-up toy, the man creaked as he moved. With an unnatural motion, his big hand went to the back of his neck.
As if he couldn’t believe it, he fumbled at the short knife lodged there. His thick fingers crept upward and then snatched Kallen’s hand.
Kallen, whose eyes had gone out of focus and were shaking, let out a shrill cry when his hand touched her.
“Kyah!”
“You... fu— cough—son of a—”
Even with a short knife stuck in his nape, the man still moved. Up close, the depth looked shallow—he’d avoided an immediately fatal wound.
He yanked on Kallen’s wrist with all his strength, and with his other hand tried to pull the knife free.
Before my head could finish parsing the situation, my body moved on its own. I hauled my torso up with everything I had and slammed into him.
“You bastard! I told you not to lay a hand on her!”
I threw my body at him like I meant to die with him, and unlike before his body toppled back limply.
As he went over, the blade in his neck drove in deeper.
“Guh... gurgk—kak—”
Bright red liquid ran out fresh between lips turning purple.
And still, whatever rope his life had, it was stubborn—he mouthed wordlessly and glared at me.
The greasy greed was gone; his eyes were packed only with the will to kill.
I didn’t dodge anymore. I met his gaze straight on and clenched my teeth, steadying myself.
This was to save me and Kallen. Miss this moment and there wouldn’t be another.
If I didn’t kill, I would be killed.
“Uaaah!”
With a shout I lifted my upper body and crashed down. I put my weight behind my shoulder and crushed the man’s face with it.
Something cracked with a dull snap. The knife driven from behind punched through his neck and popped out the front.
A sharp cut opened on the forearm I was using to pin him, but with adrenaline spiking I didn’t feel pain at all.
“Khrrk... kak...”
A head taller than me and at least twenty kilos heavier, the man writhed under me.
As if he didn’t want to die, both his hands clutched at me in a panic. Everywhere he touched, my clothes soaked with blood, and his thick hands clamped onto my bony shoulder.
But the grip that had pinned my torso with one hand before—where had it gone? He was weaker than a cat’s paw.
I took a short breath and drove my shoulder down again to make sure.
The last strength wriggling in him «N.o.v.e.l.i.g.h.t» slid away. The fingers barely holding my collar dropped with a thud.
“Ha... hah, fu—...”
His eyes, still wide open, had gone dark. To the very end he seemed too stunned to believe what was happening to him.
I forced my gaze away from the unpleasant sight. I staggered and pushed myself up to sit.
Dragging air into my lungs, I forced my mind to take stock.
“Ha... Kallen, are you okay?”
“...H-huh?”
“Are you okay.”
Kallen sat collapsed on the floor, shaking all over. The color had drained from her face; she was gripped by pure terror.
I let out a small sigh and pushed the dead man away with both feet. He was not a small weight; rolling him over took time.
Thump. As the body half-turned, the knife hilt in his neck came into view.
I needed that short knife to cut the rope binding my hands. Since I couldn’t use my hands, I wriggled and crawled, leaning my torso toward the corpse.
By some luck, the hilt wasn’t bloody. But when I took it in my mouth, the thicker metallic reek of blood seemed to numb my nose.
I set my jaw to yank the knife out, but it wouldn’t budge. In the end I had no choice but to throw an SOS to the terrified girl.
“Kallen, help me get this out first. I can’t pull it with my teeth.”
“Y-yes, yes. I... I-I’ll d-do it.”
Vacant as she was, Kallen still responded to my voice at once, though her stutter was severe.
Crawling on her knees, she stained her beige pants dark with blood.
She came up to the body and stared at it with empty, soulless eyes.
And though she was shaking, she gripped the hilt she herself had driven in.
I swallowed and started to warn her.
“When you pull it, the blood’s going to spray. So—”
“Kyah!”
She yanked it out before I finished.
As expected, blood fountained from the wound. Thankfully we both jerked back fast enough to avoid a direct hit.
Even so, the already-soaked floor reddened in an instant.
It was a scene hard to endure even for me, and I’m relatively used to blood; for Kallen it went without saying.
Her strength was gone; she could barely hold the short knife with both hands.
Watching her gape soundlessly, I felt sorry for her. Even so, given the situation, I had to ask something I hated to ask.
“Use that to cut my hands free first. You can do it, right?”
“......”
“Kallen! Focus and look at me.”
At my shout of her name, her body jolted.
I don’t like repeating myself, but she likely hadn’t heard, so I put force into each syllable again.
“Focus. Cut my hands free first. That’s how we run.”
“Y-yes, yes... r-run...”
She nodded slowly, then fumbled and reset her grip on the knife.
When she came close I turned my back and held out my hands. Even as she sawed at the rope around my wrists, she trembled in fine shivers.
Because of that, my uninjured wrists took several new cuts.
“C-Ceryl, a-are you... are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“T-that’s... that’s good. The blood... the blood is r-really... a lot...”
Not even fully conscious, Kallen chattered the way she always did.
Without knowing what she was saying.
“Th-the blood is really... haha... C-Ceryl, what you said... y-you were... r-right. If... if it’s an artery... if you cut an artery... the blood...”
A bleak feeling washed over me.
When we treated the Tymer cub last time, I’d forced in basic concepts about vessels.
Stuffed knowledge into a girl who wanted to be a doctor. This is a vein, this is an artery.
I hadn’t meant for her to practice it like this.
“Y-you were... r-right, Ceryl... you were...”
The rope snapped and fell away. My wrists, bound for so long, ached; the scattered cuts throbbed.
I immediately turned and held out my hand to Kallen.
“Give me the knife.”
She bobbed her head quickly.
Even while trembling as if vibration was running through her whole body, she managed to turn the handle toward me as she handed it over.
“H-here...”
“Good job. It’s dangerous—I’ll hold onto it.”
“Y-yes. D-dangerous... b-because it’s... dangerous...”
With that in hand I cut the rope around my ankles too.
At last my limbs were free. The thoughts that had been dammed up finally found a channel and started to flow.
Jed took us again. Judging from that last cry, Ella was probably caught too.
What about Varen. If he came out of the Eterna Nest, he’ll know I’m gone.
Then he’ll definitely be trying to find me—
“A-an artery... so this is... what it is... If you s-stab...”
“What?”
“Y-you really... d-die in m-minutes...”
I was trying to line up how we were going to get out of here when Kallen’s thin voice drilled into my ear.
When I finally looked at her face, countless tears were spilling from those clear eyes.
She spread both hands and stared down at her palms.
“I... I k-killed... I... uugh...”
Holding her breath, Kallen cried, then heaved in a dry retch and clapped a hand over her mouth.
Maybe the blood scent on her hand flooded in; her upper body rocked hard.
Swaying, she dropped to her knees and caught herself on both hands.
Her tears fell onto the man’s blood that sheeted the floor.
“I... I k-killed a p-person... uugh, ngh... I k-killed... ”
After everything we’d gone through, she still wasn’t grown—she vomited despair.
Kallen, who had faced the world armored in cheer no matter what came, collapsed miserably.
And in that figure, I faced a past of my own.
“Kallen, you didn’t kill him.”
I lifted my face from the blood pooled on the floor. Her wet eyes wandered the air, unable to find a place to land.
Shock and confusion. Fear and self-loathing.
The same emotions I’d once felt were swallowing her whole.
“H-hic... I... I k-killed...”
“No. Not you. I killed him.”
Her shy dream, the one she couldn’t tell anyone, was to be a doctor. Under parents who were herb gatherers, she’d wanted to save lives.
Her dream was soaked in blood before it could even unfold.
“Kallen, listen to me. You didn’t kill a person. You saved me.”
No one knows what it’s like to take a life with the same hands that wanted to save it unless they’ve lived it.
I became a veterinarian to save animals, and still I performed euthanasia more often.
That despair and self-reproach—no one understands it without living through it.
“C-Ceryl... h-hic...”
“It’s okay. It’s all okay. With your own hands, you saved me. Just remember that.”
I pulled that tousled orange head into my chest. I set her cheek to my left breastbone and patted her thin back.
The heart Kallen saved pounded noisily, and the man’s blood stink followed us like a curse.
“I’m sorry, Kallen. I’m sorry I let this happen to you.”
With Kallen’s sobs, the same old, hated regret came flooding back.
