I had meant it as words of comfort in my own way, but Varen’s expression refused to soften. I stroked his stiffened cheek.
“Varen, are you envious of Ordin’s ability?”
“Yes.”
“Well... reading other people’s thoughts isn’t necessarily a good thing.”
It might be fine in a world where everyone was kind and gentle. But the more intelligent a being was, the more freely they unfolded thoughts in their mind that they could never bring themselves to speak aloud.
For all I knew, Ordin had probably spent his entire life sifting gemstones out of a trash heap. A life filled with disappointment rather than trust in relationships. Just imagining it was exhausting.
Instead of voicing those honest thoughts, I kept stroking Varen’s face. At my touch, he turned his head and met my eyes.
His clear gaze, as if trying to read my insides, fixed on me intently.
“Still, there are times when I want to know what someone else is thinking.”
I was about to reply lightly, Like what?, but the words caught in my throat.
Because Varen pressed his lips to my palm.
He stamped soft, deliberate «N.o.v.e.l.i.g.h.t» kisses there, yet his eyes never wavered from mine.
“Ceryl, I want to know what you’re thinking.”
“.......”
So it’s come to this.
Varen threw straight at me the question I’d been trying to avoid. Receiving that inescapable gaze, I swallowed hard.
We had weathered his rut together, and I had promised to stay by his side. But I still couldn’t precisely name my feelings toward Varen.
Right now, he was more precious to me than anything else, and I wanted to remain with him going forward. For his health and happiness, there was nothing I wouldn’t do.
I hadn’t yet found a word more fitting than “love” for this feeling. And Varen wanted a form of love that I couldn’t readily agree to.
When I hesitated and stayed silent, Varen said nothing either. Instead, he pressed kisses to my palm, my fingers, even the back of my hand, urging an answer.
With no other choice, I prompted him with the question he wanted.
“Hah... what is it that you’re so curious about?”
If he asks whether I love him, do I have to say that I love him too?
I worried in advance whether I’d be tormenting innocent Varen with false hope, whether I’d end up toying with a dragon’s sincere heart against my intentions.
Unlike my troubled thoughts, Varen straightened his posture, his blue eyes sparkling.
“I’m wondering if you really don’t want to have sex with me unless it’s rut.”
“.......”
“If you’re just too shy to say yes, then I—”
“Agh, you little bastard! No, no!! I said no—how many times do I have to tell you!!!”
I yanked my hand free and kicked at Varen.
But my pathetic kick was easily suppressed. Varen caught my ankle and gave it a sly tug.
“Why exactly is it not allowed? Mates sleeping together is only natural, Ceryl.”
At his bold, shameless expression, the back of my neck started aching again. Instead of falling backward, I raised my index finger sharply and glared at him.
“Listen carefully, Varen. First, I’m not your mate yet. Second, even if I were, that doesn’t mean we’d sleep together every day.”
Discontent gradually filled Varen’s eyes. His large hand tightened around my ankle as if he meant to break it.
But I didn’t yield and finished what I had to say.
“And third—lastly—I have no intention of becoming your mate!”
I threw a verbal strike at him, but he answered with a light snort.
“Ceryl, us becoming mates is a decided future. The future Dravergh saw does not change.”
“I’ll show you that future can change.”
“Stop being stubborn.”
“You’re the stubborn one. Why are you insisting on marrying a human? Now that you’re king, you should be thinking about an heir.”
“That’s not something you need to worry about.”
“How is that not something to worry about?!”
Worrying over whether the royal bloodline of the dragon kings would end seemed to be humanity’s burden—Ordin and Varen alike.
After the pointless argument came a taut staring contest. I lifted my eyes wide, facing off against the dragon.
Varen glared back fiercely, but it didn’t last long. Locking his gaze deeply with mine, he muttered something plainly audible even to me.
“Damn it, you’re too pretty to glare at.”
The words drained all my strength. I dropped the index finger I’d been holding up and instead covered the face so close to mine with one hand.
I was the one who’d been thrown off by the unexpected pitch. My ears burned at the embarrassing remark.
“You... stop saying things like that....”
I knew well enough that the body I’d gained was good-looking. When I’d first seen a mirror, I’d nearly swung my fist in shock.
After months of living as Ceryl Aylos, I’d grown used to this body, but compliments that tickled all the way to my eardrums—pretty, beautiful—were still hard to endure.
I scratched my heated face roughly, then looked back at Varen with eyes more relaxed than before. Varen met my gaze as if we’d never been in a staring contest at all.
Every time I felt the affection and gentleness in his eyes, and the pure trust laid thick beneath it, my chest prickled.
“...Even if you look at me like that, it’s still no.”
“What’s no?”
“...If I say no, then take it as no.”
The word sex jammed in my throat and wouldn’t come out. When I averted my gaze with an awkward expression, Varen caught on first.
He kneaded my ankle a bit, then suddenly yanked it. Dragged by his grip, my lower body slid forward, my upper body tipped back, and I thumped onto the wide, comfortable sofa, no less soft than a bed.
“Agh—hey!!”
I complained as loudly as I could and tried to get up, but Varen was already straddling me. His now warmer body heat enveloped me.
“I won’t do anything you hate. So don’t worry.”
I’d been bracing myself for him to push things unilaterally, but unexpectedly, Varen didn’t.
That said, he didn’t pull away either. He slowly leaned down, bringing his lips closer.
“But you shouldn’t do things I hate either.”
“...And what’s that?”
“Don’t avoid me.”
When his soft lips came down right before my nose, I stretched out both arms and wrapped them tightly around Varen’s neck.
He never yielded if pushed, but if pulled, he came along obediently, burying his face against my chest.
“I won’t avoid you. But we’re just holding each other. Nothing more.”
We’d kissed too many times now to count, and during his rut, we’d entangled our bodies for five straight days.
Still, even now, every time we shared body heat, there was always a reason attached. Accepting it without any reason was still too much for me.
I couldn’t reject Varen outright, nor could I accept everything he offered. Holding him like this was the best compromise I could manage.
Thankfully, he rubbed his face against my chest and wrapped his arms around my waist. Something like a boulder pressed down on me, making it hard to breathe, but my heart felt at ease.
“Ceryl, you’re a really strange human.”
His amused voice delivered its verdict on me. I let out a hollow laugh in response and stroked the back of his head.
“Yeah. Even I think I’m a really strange guy.”
***
Varen was so busy filling in for Ordin that he barely had a moment to breathe. Pitifully, the prince of Dravergh had no time to properly mourn his father.
With the goal now clear—to kill the Human King and end the war—it was time to make plans. But Varen was overwhelmed, and I couldn’t manage it alone.
To pull this off, we needed a heavyweight. A trustworthy ally who would never betray Varen, yet could provide meaningful help. I had to find a dragon like that.
Standing before a door I hadn’t visited in a long time, I took a moment to steel myself. It wasn’t a place without bitter memories, so my hand hesitated.
After a brief moment of silent respect, I knocked. There was no answer from inside, but just like last time, the door slid open smoothly, welcoming its guest.
Entering the room, I carefully approached the bed. Where Ordin had once lain dying, Neira now lay.
Her fever hadn’t broken, and she breathed roughly.
“Neira, are you feeling all right? I was worried, so I came.”
She was clearly staring at the ceiling with her eyes open. Yet she gave no response at all.
The shock of losing her husband, compounded by the guilt of letting his killer escape, had dragged Neira into a mire. Her life was preserved, but her mind had sunk deep.
What consumed Neira wasn’t an illness that medicine could cure, nor something anyone else could help with. It was a profound depression.
Sitting by the bedside, I folded my hands neatly together and began to speak calmly, words I’d rehearsed again and again.
“Neira, I know this must be incredibly hard for you. And I don’t have the right to comfort you.”
Though she was now sunk in a deep mire, Neira was the most fiery-tempered dragon I knew. The fuel that could reignite that flame wasn’t something damp like consolation.
“Varen will take revenge for Ordin. He will kill the Human King and end the war.”
At that moment, a small ripple passed through the eyes that had been staring blankly into space.
