Chapter 156: Chapter 156; Boca, I like you!
Ragnar’s POV
"What the hell are you doing?!"
Boca’s hands slammed into my chest, the force of the shove sending my boots skidding across the concrete floor and snapping me violently back to reality.
My heart hammered against my ribs like a trapped animal. The cold basement air rushed between us, chasing away the lingering heat of his skin. My stomach plummeted as I stared at his heaving chest and the look of absolute disgust twisting his face.
What the hell did I just do?
"Boca... I... I didn’t mean it," I stammered, the words catching in my throat as pure, suffocating fear clawed at my chest. My hands trembled in the air between us, completely useless. "It was a mistake. I swear."
Boca didn’t look at my hands. He didn’t even meet my eyes. He turned his head and spat violently onto the floor.
"A mistake, Ragnar? Really?" His voice dropped into a dangerous, venomous growl. "My god. Don’t you ever try that shit with me again."
He turned on his heel, heavy boots echoing against the walls as he stormed out of the basement.
I remained frozen where he left me, limbs heavy as stone. The silence pressed in, thick and suffocating. Warmth welled in my eyes, blurring the concrete pillars. I blinked hard, swallowing the bitter lump in my throat.
What the hell was I thinking? Kissing him? Fuck. This was going to ruin everything—our friendship, the pack, everything we’d built. What have I done?
"Why are you standing out here like this?"
Daniel’s voice sliced through the quiet, making me flinch. He descended the last few basement steps, brow furrowed as he took in my rigid posture. "Why the hell does Boca look so pissed? He nearly took my shoulder off walking past me." He stopped a few feet away, eyes narrowing. "Wait a minute...are you crying?"
"Crying? Of course not." I whipped my head away, aggressively wiping at my eyes with the heels of my palms. I forced out a dry, hollow laugh. "Why would I be crying? It’s really just the wind."
Daniel paused, glancing around the enclosed underground room. "What do you mean wind?"
"Just forget it," I snapped, brushing past him.
"Ohh... okay," he muttered, following me. "Anyway, I was looking for you. It’s about Alina—"
"What about her?" I cut him off sharply, my mind still stuck on the feeling of Boca’s lips. "That she fought Aiden’s men? Look, Daniel, you must’ve been hallucinating or something. That never happened."
Before he could argue, I raised a hand. "I have to go."
I didn’t wait for a response. I took the stairs two at a time and headed straight for my room. The second I was inside, I slammed the door shut and locked it, leaning my back against the wood.
My feet refused to stay still. I paced across the floorboards, fingers digging into my hair. What do I do? Apologize again right now, or give him time to cool off? Fuck. I shouldn’t have kissed him. Why did I do that?
I stopped in front of the window, staring blankly at the dark tree line. "Ragnar, take a deep breath," I whispered to the empty room, voice shaking. "You’ll just have to explain yourself better so things don’t get awkward between you two."
My jaw clenched. "But what the hell do I even tell him?"
The heavy awkwardness sat like lead in my stomach, but the thought of leaving things broken between us felt worse. I couldn’t just sit here. I unlocked the door, stepped into the quiet hallway, and walked straight to his room.
I knocked firmly. No answer. No footsteps, no voice telling me to leave.
Unable to stand the suspense any longer, I gripped the brass handle, turned it, and slowly pushed the door open.
The rhythmic thud-thud-thud of leather striking sand filled the room. Boca stood in the center, bare back glistening with sweat as he unleashed brutal combinations into the hanging punching bag. Bulky black headphones covered his ears, faint loud music leaking out.
I let out a quiet breath and stepped further inside, moving into his peripheral vision on the opposite side of the bag.
Boca’s fist caught the bag mid-swing, stopping it cold. His chest rose and fell in heavy gasps. Slowly, his dark eyes lifted and locked onto mine with an icy glare.
He said nothing at first. He reached up and pulled the headphones down around his thick neck.
"What do you want?" he rasped, voice dangerously low. He wiped sweat from his forehead with the back of his taped hand. "Get the hell out of my room."
The urge to lie—to claim it was another mistake or blame the wind—flared inside me. But I knew another lie would destroy whatever was left between us. I swallowed my fear, stepped around the bag, and met his eyes.
"Boca, you know what? It wasn’t a mistake," I said, my voice steadying even as my heart threatened to burst. "I kissed you intentionally."
Boca’s entire frame went rigid. The cold indifference in his face shattered instantly, his eyes widening in a sudden, blinding wave of absolute rage.
"What the fuck did you just say?" he growled, the irritation lacing his tone like a physical threat as he stepped toward me.
"I’ve been keeping this to myself for a long time, and I don’t want to hold it in anymore," I said, the words spilling out before I could lose my nerve. "I like you, Boca. I really like you. I told myself you’re a straight man and that liking you wasn’t something I should be doing, so I tried to turn my feelings off. I really tried—but it didn’t work. And knowing your first love was a man... it gave me hope, and I—"
"I don’t feel the same way," he said, cutting me off.
The words hit like a physical blow. Fresh tears welled in my eyes, blurring my vision, but I forced myself to nod, swallowing the suffocating lump in my throat.
"It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way," I said, my voice trembling as I bit my lower lip to keep from sobbing. "I just... I really needed you to know how I feel. I’m so sorry for kissing you. I hope this doesn’t change our friendship."
Boca sighed, the tense rigidity in his shoulders easing slightly as he looked at me. "Give me some time to adjust. You’ve told me how you feel, and hopefully this brings you some peace. I was mad because I thought you were making fun of me after finding out I used to be into men. But now that I know your real feelings, I understand. I just don’t feel the same. We’ll still be friends—just give me some time, okay?"
Hearing him say we’d still be friends lifted a massive weight from my chest. I couldn’t help the faint, watery smile that broke through my tears.
"Of course," I said softly, wiping a stray tear from my cheek. "I’ll give you all the time you need. Just... please don’t hate me."
"Okay," he said quietly. He looked away for a moment, staring at the floor, then met my eyes one last time. "Don’t waste your time on a man like me, Ragnar. Trust me, it isn’t worth it."
You’re worth every single one of my feelings, I thought bitterly. But I knew I had to respect his boundaries. I simply nodded, keeping the thought to myself.
"See you around," I whispered.
I turned on my heel and walked out of his room, closing the door quietly behind me. Head down, I hurried back to my own bedroom and locked the door the second I was inside.
For a fleeting second, I thought I felt lighter—like the confession had freed me. But the moment my back hit the wooden door, the dam broke. I slid down to the floor and burst into tears.
God, it hurts. I had expected rejection. I had prepared myself for it. But the reality still tore a gaping hole in my chest. Even through the overwhelming pain, I respected his decision and knew I had to stop liking him.
But how the hell was I supposed to do that?
It isn’t easy to flip a switch and turn off your feelings. It really had taken me so much time and agony to finally get over Adrien. And now Boca was right here, living in the same house. How was I supposed to forget him when I had to see his face every single day?
I pressed my hands over my face to muffle my sobs and made a silent promise to myself. No matter how much my heart ached, I would put his comfort first. I would back off completely, give him the space he needed, and make sure I never made him uncomfortable again. That was the least I could do for the man I loved.
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