“Come on, at first it was only sometimes—these days you go there more than three days a week. I even wondered if you’d fallen head over heels for some ripped ‘bagel guy’ and were skipping work to go date him.”
Whatever he might worry about, I didn’t lack confidence in him to the extent that one meaningless remark from Yuni would plant doubt.
If anything, if there really was a /N_o_v_e_l_i_g_h_t/ “bagel guy he’s fallen for,” I... in a very, very unlike-me and arrogant thought... figured it was probably me. “Fallen for” was Yuni’s phrasing, and I wasn’t some ripped bagel guy anyway.
“If it’s dating, that’d be a relief. Is sleeping together a few times and cutting it off when you’re bored—does that count as dating?”
Tilting his head back, Juhan muttered it to himself and dropped a ketchup-soaked fry into his mouth.
“Ah... why did I suggest we all have dinner together.”
He tipped his chin toward the canopy and shook his head.
His exaggerated little show—obviously for my benefit—made me laugh. Confirming I wasn’t rattled, he glanced over and finally smiled a bit.
Juhan had only picked up that I liked him; he didn’t know that he and I were already, however loosely, bound by a shared responsibility.
Even so, the reason he came off hostile toward him was probably to warn me rather than to attack him.
“This man doesn’t tell a thing even to the person he lives with. He swaps partners easily. He has not the slightest intention of serious love.”
That was likely what Juhan wanted to say as he looked at me from the diagonal, as if to say, look and learn.
Maybe it was true that he’d drifted through nothing but light relationships before; it didn’t matter. At the very least, I was certain I wasn’t someone he’d get bored of after a few times in bed and toss aside, and for now that was enough. I had no intention of pressing him from my side for a certified status like “lover.”
I pulled the paper down farther around my burger to resume eating, and Yuni spoke.
“Are you really holed up there plotting some scheme these days?”
Having come straight here with him after work, she must’ve been hungry—she’d already finished her burger and was wiping her mouth with a napkin.
“Sure, I’m plotting world domination, why not. You said the mood turns icy when I’m in the office. If it doesn’t interfere with getting reports and giving feedback, and client relations are handled properly, isn’t that enough?”
“Well, that’s true.”
His answer had a hint of irritation now, and Yuni shrugged, tossing the crumpled napkin to the corner of the table. Then she folded her arms on the tabletop and craned her head toward the straw in the cup right in front of her.
“Ihyeon, where are your sister and Jae-hyun now? Shouldn’t they be arriving?”
“Yeah, they landed safely in Bali a few days ago.”
“Seo Ihyeon, share that kind of news on messenger sometimes, will you? This guy can be surprisingly cold.”
At her scolding—she tucked hair behind her ear with a put-upon look, the breeze blowing cool—I rubbed my nape and laughed for no reason.
Having arrived in Bali via Denpasar Airport, Morae and my brother had taken a temporary place near Kuta Beach and were looking for work. The email had a couple of photos of them looking healthy, which let me relax a bit more.
I showed the saved photos on my phone to Yuni and Juhan.
Even before arriving, the two of them already looked completely tanned—white eyes and teeth flashing as they smiled with backpacks on, Kuta’s sunset as a backdrop. It was a scene that wouldn’t have been possible without his help.
“But how long does Ihyeon have to live like this? Director, can’t you do something?”
Taking a beer he handed her, Yuni wrapped a napkin around the bottle’s mouth and twisted to open it as she asked him.
“I’m... okay, Yuni. It’s not like I can’t do what I want or go where I want. If anything... I’ve been doing really well lately...”
“Still, not being able to go anywhere without a bodyguard and driver? That’s not a top idol’s life—that’s worse. Doesn’t it feel suffocating?”
I glanced at him, but he just drank his beer silently, as if it wasn’t a question for him to answer. Maybe it was my imagination, but his gaze, slanted at some point on the table, felt weighted with guilt, which tugged me down with it.
I was grateful to him for everything about the current situation. None of the inconveniences were because of him; he was the one trying to protect me from possible danger... so why did he feel sorry about it? That hurt.
“Not particularly suffocating... I wasn’t the type to run around much anyway...”
“Wouldn’t it be better if Ihyeon went abroad, too?”
“......”
At Juhan’s rather bold suggestion, every gaze—including his—shifted to Juhan. With the piercings back in after removing them for the art sessions, Juhan’s face looked both flashy and defiant.
Setting his beer on the table, he went on, looking quite serious.
“If the man who’s supposed to be your sister’s father isn’t ordinary, that’s why the Director’s being so careful. Then just because your sister and Jae-hyun landed in Bali safely doesn’t mean you’re safe now, right? And you can’t have him living forever where he can’t even pop down to the corner store without worry. Wouldn’t it solve things if Ihyeon just went abroad too?”
“It’s not something you talk about that lightly.”
He said that, but his tone didn’t treat Juhan’s idea as utterly out of the question.
“That father of your sister—his personality’s really that... intense? Like, the kind who could suddenly kidnap you and threaten you?”
Yuni looked unconvinced that someone like a drama villain might exist within proximity to affect our lives.
“If he sets his mind to it... he could.”
“Im will do who knows what to you, you brat! For his daughter... he’s the kind of man who wouldn’t bat an eye to cripple a nobody like you.”
I wanted to deny it so they wouldn’t all worry, but my grandfather’s terrified voice from the day we left the village—cornering Jae-hyun in the yard—still rang vivid in my ears.
“Whatever he could do, we’re not going to sit here and take it. I could get the point across in a far harsher way... I’m not doing that only because I don’t want to. For now.”
Picking up the cigarette pack and lighter from the table, he spoke fast and firm. The tone implied that while we were handling things defensively now, we could take aggressive measures anytime if he chose.
Juhan knocked over the beer bottle he’d stood on the table, and the topic petered out. Even if it hadn’t, it was about time for the two of them to go—Friday night, they had plans to catch a band at a live club.
He and I moved together toward the stairs to see them out.
“Ihyeon, won’t you come with us? Sometimes you should spend time with people whose age starts with the same digit.”
“Mm, maybe say that after you return the credit card of the person whose age starts with a different digit.”
Yuni threw her head back laughing at his comeback. Praising his wit, she struggled to sling an arm over his shoulder, more than thirty centimeters higher than hers. He eased away and slipped her hand off, and though she looked briefly puzzled, she seemed not to think much of it.
I didn’t expect him to avoid even that kind of everyday skinship... and my face heated as I remembered how I’d bared the pettiest jealousy that night.
“Hey, why are you watching the Director’s face instead of coming with us? Does he ride you to hurry and paint and make money?”
Catching my side-glance, Juhan must have thought I was watching his reaction.
“No, it’s just... when the image is clear, I want to push the painting ahead quickly.”
“Right, so treat me like an uncle or a tyrant boss or whatever—but return the card first.”
At his outstretched palm and cocked head, the two of them abruptly cut the chatter and hurried down the stairs.
I watched them until they rounded the building’s corner and vanished from sight, singing some weird song I didn’t know at the top of their lungs in chorus. Even after they passed through the gate, their singing carried on for a while.
With the last embers of sunset dying out, the roof held just the two of us. He stood by the railing beyond the cabana, drinking beer and looking down the alley. He was probably smiling a little, listening to Yuni and Juhan’s fading chorus.
Suddenly he turned toward me and opened his arms loosely, about a hundred-twenty degrees.
“......”
I knew what it meant.
Hesitating, I stepped in, resting my chin on his broad shoulder and carefully circling his waist with my arms. His open arms tightened around my torso, and his right cheek pressed flush to my right cheek.
“Sketch.”
“......”
“If this had gone on up here for a few more days, I don’t know what an ugly state I might’ve shown you.”
“......”
“Thanks for wrapping it sooner than I expected. I acted like I understood everything, but... ah, honestly, I was on the edge.”
I pressed my chin into his shoulder and laughed soundlessly.
“Now you’re really starting the main work?”
“Yes.”
“If you need anything—or there’s anything I can do—tell me.”
“Okay, I will.”
I couldn’t say this kind of embrace with him was exactly comfortable. Every point of contact woke each cell and sharpened my senses, and I worried whether my awkward posture might be making him uncomfortable. But it wasn’t the kind of uncomfortable that makes you just wish it would end fast.
“Don’t just say it. It’s my job, and also... personally, I want to help. Don’t worry about being a burden—tell me right away.”
I smiled quietly and nodded, seeing exactly where I’d hesitate and hearing the care in it.
Facing each other in a hug, we looked out over Seoul, which had now fully tipped from afternoon into evening. Nothing blocked the view, and a fairly cool breeze blew down from Namsan, ruffling clothes and hair as it passed.
Watching the Han’s meandering waterway, I caught myself thinking I might understand Jack Dawson on the prow of that great cruise ship in Titanic, shouting that he was the king of the world—and then I smirked at my own silly sentimentality. I remembered an article about a British poll once naming “I’m the king of the world” as the cheesiest movie line. Utterly unnutritious associations, all of them, scattered with no consistency.
And I followed that idle drift of thoughts with no meaning, letting myself float blankly—and realized it had been a very, very long time since I’d had a moment like this.
Watching the city’s lifeblood of lights sway, blink, and move slow and fast, I turned and pressed my cheek to his shoulder and buried my lips deep in the nape of his neck because the warmth of sharing the moment with him felt so good. It was my little way of being needy.
He lowered his head and kissed my cheek and the edge of my ear. The arms around me stroked my back slowly, soothing.
Suddenly, I felt the urge to say I love you.
I called it an urge, but it wasn’t a rush of intoxicated feeling. If it were that, I would have told him I loved him already, in the middle of the bliss of those nights we’d shared.
There was no logical self-understanding that had made me realize love, no special event here that could serve as a trigger. It was just that, in this moment, nothing felt more natural than telling him I loved him. That was all.
“......”
“...What’s wrong?”
I suddenly shoved him away. More precisely, I tore my body away from his in a hurry. He opened his now-empty arms and asked the reason for my sudden move.
“Uh... before the sunset goes any further, I want to take a few photos.”
He narrowed his eyes with a hint of mischief, looking doubtful, but didn’t press.
I fled the word love that had risen naturally, slipping away as if to escape. I started shooting the western sky with the digital camera he’d given me for work. I turned the lens and captured him tidying the table. With the wind-fluttering cabana canvas as a backdrop I shot him full-length, then pulled in to frame that clean, distinct profile.
“You barely ate again.”
He clicked his tongue at my half-finished burger. I hastily lowered the camera and went to help him tidy the table.
“You’re the one who said you wanted a burger. If you can’t even eat the thing you wanted, that’s actually a problem.”
“Because of the work... I think I’m a little keyed up lately. I feel full even without eating...”
“I get that you have no appetite, but... it’s summer, and if you keep leaving your food like this every time because you have no appetite, I get really worried.”
He took it seriously, saying he needed to consult the training firm’s specialist and prepare a meal plan that wouldn’t burden my stomach while still giving me a balanced range of nutrients.
