Chapter 89: The Whole Way
- RAYA -
Dinner is delicious even if I am completely distracted by Dex and the conversation we had while we were making it. After offering me the reasoning for why he would like me to move in with him—and it is a very good reason, I admit—he drops it, and we talk about other things instead.
But the surprise of that revelation is still there, glowing like a brilliant, dreamy aura around this evening. Who would have thought that the day would end this way after Grace’s unexpected visit this morning?
After finishing up with dinner and depositing the dishes in the sink to worry about later, Dex leads me outside to sit by the pool. It’s a warm night, and the fragrance of the flowers is still in the air, carried by a soft breeze. Stars are sparkling overhead with only a few thin, wispy clouds briefly veiling their light.
"How did you convince your landlord to give you the security deposit back?" Dex asks, eyebrows angled in amusement.
"I can be very persuasive when I’m angry," I smirk.
"I don’t doubt it. I know after today that I definitely don’t want you angry at me," he says with a chuckle.
"I’m not sure I was actually angry with you. I was angry at myself... for being weak. For being naive. For sitting back and letting you do all of these things for me and for leaving myself open to that kind of embarrassment when someone like Grace can point it out and suggested that I’m naive for allowing it to happen or for thinking that there’s more to it."
Dex sighs heavily as he watches me. "She doesn’t know anything about you, and despite what she may think, she really doesn’t know anything about me either. And she definitely doesn’t know anything about us."
"But she was right about the fact that you’ve swooped in like this hero and done these extraordinary things for me, and It’s just... this isn’t what I’m used to, you know? There’s a way that I’m used to approaching the world because I’ve had to do things myself mostly," I explain, gazing up at the sky and thinking of my life so far... Nana and dad, my jobs and school.
"I understand." He grabs my hand and squeezes it gently. "You have never been treated like you deserve, principessa."
I can’t help but laugh at that. "I don’t need to be treated like a princess. I’ve never wanted that, and expecting to be treated that way is silly. It’s not realistic. And honestly, I like being able to do things myself. It’s rewarding that way."
"Not everyone has to treat you like a princess. But don’t you think it’s okay if someone who loves you treats you that way?"
My attention is pulled from the stars with that question because of the gentle way he asks it and the implication that I could easily take from it... that he loves me. That Dex Mobius loves me. It’s unfathomable—more unfathomable than him suggesting I move in with him.
I’m waiting for the moment when Dex realizes that he has implied something he didn’t intend to. But it doesn’t happen. For some reason, the dawning of his mistake doesn’t come like I expect.
"I have people who love me, but I can’t say I’ve ever been treated like a princess. Love doesn’t have to mean that. It can be tough. It can be teaching you how to be tough—how to survive on your own," I explain. "That’s a kind of love that prepares you for the real world and teaches you how to face it without being broken in the process."
"What about when you don’t have to survive on your own, Raya?" His thumb caresses the back of my hand, and I find myself swallowing quite audibly. "You are incredibly strong, but it doesn’t always have to be you facing the world on your own. It shouldn’t be that way. I used to think that way too, but now..."
"There just aren’t any guarantees," I offer quietly. And it’s the truth. No one can argue with that, and Dex doesn’t try. But he does continue with his soft touch on my hand, drawing circles that feel like they’re slowly sinking deeper.
"Anyway, I kindly informed Mr. Otis, my landlord, that peeping is a felony and he would be complicit if he doesn’t do anything about it. I showed the hole to him. It was covered from the other side, thankfully. I don’t want the kind of nightmares that would come from seeing that guy on the other side," I chuckle even though it’s not funny. There’s actually an internal shiver of terror at the thought, and Dex squeezes my hand like he is aware of it.
"My apartment is in really good shape, so I think the whole idea of the felony and then of me suggesting he could charge more for that space persuaded him," I shrug.
"That’s impressive. But I totally could have gone with you—even if just as backup," he suggests.
"But I told you," I chuckle. "I got this."
"Yeah, but you also told me you went there with the intention of confronting the neighbor!"
"I mean... I still kind of wish I would have," I say with a soft laugh.
"Don’t ever do that," he frowns. "Seriously. It’s not worth it. If you want to take your frustration out on someone, I will gladly volunteer. Even though I don’t want to see you angry, I also don’t want to see you hurt any more than you already are."
"You want me to take my anger out on you instead?" I ask, giggling.
"It is much better than the alternative."
"I doubt the neighbor works out as much as you," I giggle. "I would probably have a better chance with him."
"What’s the goal? To beat me up?" He chuckles. "I’ll let you, if that’s what you want."
"You’ll let me beat you up?" My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Seriously? You think I could do that? And what would that even look like? The man who calls me principessa and makes me dinner..."
"We made dinner together tonight," he reminds me.
"I could never hurt you, Dex," I smile and get up from the chair, going to sit on his lap. His arms curl around me, drawing me closer. "I couldn’t hurt you out here." I make a fist and act like I’m going to hit is arm, but it lands softly. "And I couldn’t hurt you here either," I whisper, placing a hand over his heart.
His gaze drops to my lips, and he kisses me. The toe-curling kind of kiss that steals my breath and gives me something back at the same time, and before I know it I’m panting against him, staring at his lips, telling myself that I will never again question this connection between us.
Whatever is between us is fast and crazy and intense, but there’s no pressure, there’s no pretending... there’s only this unfolding that continues to happen, like we’re blooming together in a way that’s only possible in each other’s presence. And those gradually opening petals are stretching toward each other, threading us together... entangling us in a way that feels inevitable.
"Are you staying tonight?" He asks on a hushed breath. "I’m sure Moira is hoping you will."
I nod, biting my lip with a shy smile. "Yes. I would like to."
"Do you need anything from the guest house while we’re out here?" His question is a whisper, because he is still hovering over my lips. And the anticipation of those lips... I want to purr and growl all at once.
"No, I don’t think so," I shake my head.
"Wrap your arms around my neck," he instructs.
When I do, he lifts me in his arms and carries me to the back door of the house, making me shriek in surprise until he kisses me again. It was probably meant to be brief, because he’s walking and needs to see, but I hold his mouth hostage—demanding more and making him chuckle against me while he fumbles to feel for the doorknob.
I smile against him and purr with that imitation sound that I taught him how to do the other night. He growls in reply and gives up on the handle, seeking my mouth again instead. Dex doesn’t need to say anything more. I know how much he wants me—I feel it everywhere, thrumming between us with such an intensity, it’s almost maddening.
"I’m only staying if I get to have you," I whisper with the sudden desperation that rises, making me crazy with desire for him.
"Raya," he chuckles, resting his forehead against mine. "Haven’t you heard anything I’ve been saying this whole time? You have me. You already have me."
"But I want you—all of you. The whole way." The desire burns in my chest and in my throat, and he must know this feeling and understand. "Oh my god, please," I whine, and then it turns into a giggle at how ridiculous I sound to be begging like this.
He sighs and growls softly again, kissing me... but less fully this time so he can at least open the door. I figure he’s probably going to let me down or at least deposit me on the couch, but he doesn’t. He carries me to the stairs and up, and all the while I’m kissing his face and his neck and teasing the thick corded flesh that curves into his shoulder until it sounds like a small whimper breaks in his throat.
I make a promise with myself—at the very least, Dex is going to appreciate how much I want him tonight. I’m going to make sure I return every ounce of pleasure that he gives me and then some.
