Chapter 88: Present Tense
- RAYA -
Maybe I overreacted by listening to Grace and letting her get into my head. But honestly, I’ve known Dex for a week. It’s easy to be suspicious and believe the possibility that this is all too good to be true when I’m not in his presence—especially when she claimed that he has this desire to be a fixer and a hero. That’s exactly what he’s done for me.
But when I’m in Dex’s presence... my suspicion can’t compete. There is a gravity between us. I’m instantly drawn to him, and when I saw him on the other side of the gate, my heart leapt. It leapt.
Telling him I would walk around to the front house was just a stubborn impulse, because I want him to know I can do things myself. I don’t want to be a damsel in distress, and I need to know... I need to know that we’re different than whatever twisted thing it was that he and Grace had.
Now I’m watching him take vegetables out of the refrigerator and set them on a large cutting board in front of me, and I’m getting lulled back into that comfort of his presence. It’s almost like we’ve always been doing this.
"Do you know how to chop vegetables?" His eyebrows angle in that adorable questioning way.
"Yes, I know how to chop vegetables," I chuckle and take the knife from him.
When he turns back to the refrigerator, I’m left looking at the knife and vegetables, hoping I can pull this off. I can cut them—I’m certain of that. As far as chopping them quickly like a chef or something... yeah, that’s not happening. And he must know, because when he turns back my way, there’s a crooked smile on his face.
I take a carrot and start cutting into slices—some thick, some thin—while Dex works behind me at the stove. Eventually, he turns to see my progress, and he chuckles softly.
"Can I show you something?" He asks at my ear.
"What?"
His arms wrap around me, and he takes the knife. "This finger should be along the top of the knife so there is more control," he says, demonstrating it. "And when you’re holding the thing you’re cutting, keep your fingertips tucked in. That will save them from any accidents."
"Thank you," I say softly, feeling the shiver of familiarity at being in his arms.
"Am I allowed to ask where you went today?" He asks, turning back to the stove now and leaving me to try this new chopping way without him.
"I went back to my apartment." The carrots cut much smoother, and it’s satisfying seeing the thin disks that fall as a result. "I was going to confront the neighbor guy."
"What?" Dex stops what he’s doing and returns to my side. "After I told you about the shotgun?"
"I was angry," I shrug, avoiding looking at him. "I felt like I needed to deal with one of these problems of mine myself. But I chickened out on the way there. I did end up getting my security deposit back though, and I convinced my landlord not to charge me a penalty for defaulting on my lease."
Dex groans. "I’m glad you chickened out, Raya. That could have ended very badly."
"I know," I say simply. "I saw the hole."
Dex studies me for a few moments while I continue cutting.
"What made you so angry today?" He asks quietly.
One carrot is finished, and I start on the second one, letting out a tired sigh. "When Liz was leaving, Grace arrived. She thought you were here, and she just kind of walked in like she owned the place."
He groans and rakes a hand over his face. "I’m sorry."
"She must have heard about the car accident, because she guessed it was me who had been hit, and then she said you like to fix things. You like being the hero. And she told me that’s also how the two of you met."
"What?" He asks incredulously, and I glance at him. His eyebrows are pinched, arms crossed like it’s not true.
"Yeah, she said that you met at a party of some designer, and a guy was forcing himself on her and you saved her. And then... hero sex. The best sex of her life."
The knife comes down harder on the cutting board, because there’s stupid angry tears stinging my eyes that just spring out of nowhere. I’m remembering the look of satisfaction on her face and the visuals that came to mind as a result. Why would I be upset about something in the past that has nothing to do with me? It shouldn’t matter, but for some reason it feels like it does.
"Raya..." Dex takes the knife from me and sets it to the side. "Look at me." He touches my cheek, and I try to avoid looking at him like he asks, because I don’t want him to see the ridiculous way I’m still overreacting to this. But his touch is so gentle, and when it passes along my jawline and tips my chin up, I lose the battle and meet his eyes.
"That’s not what happened. She must be jealous. She’s never stayed in this house like you are. We were together for quite some time, but we only saw each other a few times a year. And she didn’t have access to my heart the way that you already do."
"What?" I chuckle in disbelief as a few tears fall.
"I’m serious. This is how you’ve already helped me more than you know," he says, wiping the tears away. "There were no feelings there, and maybe that makes me an awful person... especially if there were feelings on her side. I thought things ended amicably, and I would have never expected her to just show up here or to walk into my house like she belongs here or to make up stories to upset you. But you must already know... I don’t want her. I never wanted her like I want you."
I have to consciously swallow against the lump in my throat and the spiraling flames that are starting already... licking their way up my skin with the intensity of his gaze and the gentleness of his touch.
"All of that is the past," he says. "That’s where I was then. This is where I am now. And I don’t want to be anywhere else. I don’t think you realize... I’ve never not wanted to be somewhere else until now," he chuckles and caresses my cheek.
"Really?" I whisper, believing him but stumbling in the wake of how extraordinarily beautiful his words are.
"Really. And I don’t know what hero sex is, but we will absolutely not have it if it makes you that upset," he chuckles, and our soft laughter threads together.
"I guess I was jealous, too." I drop my eyes and shake my head.
He sighs. "I wish you wouldn’t be."
"She’s had you already," my cheeks heat. "She’s..."
"You have me. Present tense," he interrupts.
"But this is all just hard to believe, because we’ve known each other for a week, you know? And I don’t want to be a charity case..."
"First of all, it’s not like that at all. And I know you know that. You’re not a... a charity case," he frowns. "If you are, then I am, too. Because there are parts of me—broken parts—that I feel slowly being stitched together the more time I spend with you. You are doing that for me."
I smile and shake my head, believing it but totally unaware of how I might be doing something like that—other than the fact that I feel him doing that for me, too.
"Second of all, I think we’ve known each other longer than a week," he squints at me with a crooked smile. "Whether it’s the dreams or a past life or something else... whatever it is, you do not feel unknown to me at all. You feel... well known. And comfortable. And right."
Dex returns to the stove to place a lid on the pot there and turn the burner down before returning to the island and leaning on it with a devastating smile.
"I’m going to tell you something that is going to sound crazy, but I trust you’ll understand," he says.
"What?" I ask softly.
"I’m already wondering if it’s too early to ask you to move in with me," he chuckles and rubs his beard.
"Move in with you?" I repeat, mouth dropping open. I definitely did not see that coming at all. Not even close.
"Well, really when you think about it... it’s just asking if you’ll stay the night again. And again. And again for... you know, the foreseeable future."
I wet my lips, trying to form a response, but I’m not sure what to say. Is Dex asking me to move in with him now? Or is he just sharing that he’s been thinking about it? And if he is asking... what do I say? Everyone will think it’s crazy, and Lawson... if he finds out, he’ll weaponize that against Dex for sure. Or maybe... maybe he won’t. Maybe he can’t if it appears that we’re in a serious relationship and not just an office fling.
Dex goes on when I fail to reply. "And I can tell you that it has nothing to do with helping you. If anything, it’s selfish. I want to wake up next to you like this morning... every morning. And that word I told you about," his eyebrows tent. "The one that I keep hearing?"
"Mine," I whisper.
"Mine," he nods, his gaze dropping to my lips. "I want what’s mine here with me."
