Chapter 67: Sleeping Arrangements
- RAYA -
There are several moments spent just feeling the flush of my cheeks and the warmth of Dex’s gaze while I remain without any words to respond to him.
I would tell him that he is breathtaking, too, because it’s true. It’s so true. His beautiful full lips and the dimples behind his reddish brown beard when he smiles; the honey brown of his eyes that are so deeply soulful and expressive; literally every line of his body, from the angles of his face to the strong rounds of his shoulders to the ridges of his abdomen and the tapered V at his hips that points to where my desire always leads. Every single inch of him is heavenly.
But since he said I was breathtaking first, it will only sound like I am compelled to return the compliment. And I don’t want to gush, but I have a feeling that is where it will go. Instead of saying all of that, I keep it in... this tension that builds in what remains unsaid and only felt.
"Are you sure you don’t need anything before bed?" He asks gently, maybe realizing just how difficult words are for me right now. His hand drops back to his side from where it had briefly caressed my face.
"Yes," I say with a shy smile, which is so strange because I shouldn’t really be shy with him after what we’ve done in the dream world. But somehow that and all of his beautiful words makes the shyness worse. "I’m sure."
"Okay." He takes a few steps back, giving me space. "I’m going to stay in the room down the hall if you need anything. Make yourself at home."
My heart does a little fearful leap when he turns to leave. "What room?" I ask much too quickly and almost feel myself follow on his heels.
There is a pang of fear that shoots straight through me at the thought of being alone again. His presence is so comforting that the fear nearly disappeared, but I know that will not be the case when he is gone. There may not be an invader in the guest house now, but I know what I heard and saw. And from what I can tell, there is no alarm protecting this house either.
I probably shouldn’t still be afraid. It feels a little illogical—like maybe I’m making a big deal out of what could have just been a misunderstanding. But the potential threat tonight has splintered open what was being suppressed pretty well up until now: the terror of the car accident and of also realizing that I was secretly being watched in my home. And now I don’t know what to expect might happen next. I would have never expected this much to happen in the first place, but now that it has...
"Come here, I’ll show you where it is," Dex says, interrupting my thoughts.
He’s studying me with a concerned look, and it’s probably because these fearful thoughts have started to creep back in and take over. I can’t mask my emotions at all. Even Moira can sense it. She is making little noises and looking to jump out of my arms.
I let her leap onto the bed, and I follow Dex out the door and down the hallway until we arrive at the room he’s talking about. It’s clearly a spare room. There’s no attached bath like in his bedroom. I would offer to stay here instead, but it’s closer to the stairway, which means it’s closer to both the front and back doors.
"I won’t be far," he says like he’s reading my thoughts. "There’s a lock on my bedroom door. It won’t be like the loft, Raya. You can lock yourself in, and I’ll be right here."
"Do you think..." I bite my lip and fidget with my hands before gesturing back the way we came.
Why is this so hard? It’s not like I haven’t already had mind-blowing sex with him over and over and over again, and now he’s saying things that make it very clear that he’s at least interested in me in real life.
"You have a big bed," I go on, "and I just can’t shake this feeling... I’m sure nothing else could possibly happen at this point after the accident and the neighbor and now this. I’m probably overreacting..."
"After all that you’ve been through?" He interrupts with a frown. "You’re not overreacting. Not at all. What would you be most comfortable with? That’s all I’m worried about. I figured separate rooms would make you more comfortable for now."
I cross my arms over my chest and wince. I have to remember to take that medication so I’m not tossing and turning all night. At this point, I probably will be anyway.
"Do you wish for me to stay in the room with you instead?" He ventures.
My eyes lift, guilty and shy, and I nod. "Yes please. I won’t, you know... I won’t try anything."
He stares at me for a moment before he smiles, eyes crinkling like he’s about to laugh, but somehow he holds it in. "Well that’s a relief. I was worried that all of this was just so you could take advantage of me." He finally chuckles, clearly teasing me, and one corner of my lips fights a smile, too.
"It’s not that. I just have begun wondering... I mean, it definitely feels like I have free will in those dreams. I’ve never done anything that I don’t want to do." I pause, face definitely flaming warmer than it has yet, and I groan into my hands. What am I even saying right now? "This is so awkward to talk about, I’m sorry."
"It’s an awkward situation, but we’re in this together now, remember?" He has a crooked smile, but now he’s leaning against the wall where we have returned in his bedroom, avoiding my eyes. And I wonder if I haven’t embarrassed him or something. I have definitely without a doubt embarrassed myself.
"So what I’m wondering is... I’m not, you know... making you do anything in those dreams am I?" I ask with a grimace. "I know we’ve shared some of the same ones, but what makes me worried is that maybe... one of us is in control of what happens and the other one isn’t. And if that’s the case, I’m definitely the one in control. Because I am positive that I’m making decisions and know what I’m doing."
I shrink back a little and place both hands over my cheeks, feeling the very real temperature of embarrassment now and anticipating how Dex is going to respond. If he tells me that he had no control whatsoever, then I’m going to feel like some kind of monster. And I’m not even sure what that makes me. Because I don’t think I forced him into those dreams with me... at least not consciously.
"Raya, are you asking me if our dream sex was consensual?" His voice is deeper, but there is a still a teasing element to it. When his eyes finally lift to mine again, there’s amusement but also a very obvious fire that he is trying to suppress. And I feel it—I feel it instantly. And seeing that fire in Dex is... breathtaking, to say the least.
"Yes. I guess so." It comes out as nearly a whisper.
He chuckles, but he stays against the wall and drops his gaze again. There is no approach this time to reassure me.
"I promise you that you have nothing to worry about in that regard," he says.
I sigh in relief, letting go of the concern that had started to become very real. "Okay. That’s good to know."
"I never even thought to worry about that," he shakes his head. "I suppose I should have. But I’m glad to know its..."
"Consensual," I finish for him.
"Right." He smirks, and the full extent of how completely bizarre this situation is hits me.
"This is so weird, I’m sorry," I laugh softly. "I’m just going to, um... go to the bathroom." I point that way, and he nods with that same smirk that I try not to look at for too long, because every single thing he does with those lips is sexy. And I am not having sex with Dex Mobius in real life tonight. I’m just not. I have this stupid injury that would make it really difficult and possibly painful, and... and I can’t think of any other reason, but that’s enough. That’s definitely enough.
I close the bathroom door and lean against it, trying to make sense of everything that just happened and is currently happening—of everything he has said and everything I have said in return. This night was not planned, and I’m already saying things that I probably could have given a lot more thought to.
I just asked him if he was actually a willing party in dream sex with me. That happened.
I groan softly and curl one of my hands into a fist, bringing it up to my forehead. And now I’m sleeping in the same bed with him.
"Please, please God... innocent dreams tonight. That’s all I’m asking."
