Chapter 50: It’s The Purring
- DEX -
Okay, so I didn’t come early to visit Raya this morning with the plan to say all that. I wasn’t going to tell her about the dream at all, because as freaked out as I am about it, I can only imagine how freaked out it would make her—even if she’s having dreams like that of her own.
But there’s something about Raya. She’s entirely familiar, and not just because of dreams like this. It can’t be, because it’s not just physical. When I look into her eyes, when I hear her voice, and when I start talking... nothing seems off limits. It’s like I could tell her anything, and there’s a natural desire to be honest with her.
I blame it on the fact that I’ve kept so many things bottled up for so long, and now she feels like a safe place. Maybe it’s because I’m very newly threatened with the idea of losing my father and having neither of my parents in this world anymore. Maybe it’s made me emotionally vulnerable this time around rather than hardening me more.
Liam would say that’s a good thing, I’m sure. I’m definitely going to have to try calling him again later at a more appropriate time. Because if it’s not a good thing... well, no one can convince me that talking to Raya and being around her is not a good thing. It feels too right. But I don’t want to end up unloading a bunch of emotional baggage on her either. If there are things like that I need to get off my chest, I’ll pay someone to listen to it. I’m not about to bring Raya down into the depths of that despair with me, because she has her own stuff to deal with.
"I might just have to keep Moira Rose in my room," I tell her. We’ve been discussing her cat while finishing up breakfast. "She’s already comfortable there, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I fell asleep so quickly."
Maybe that’s not entirely true. I do fall asleep really quickly under normal circumstances—just not in that house. Not with all the memories that haunt its rooms.
"It’s the purring," Raya nods knowingly, setting the coffee I gave her to the side. "She never sleeps with me anymore. I can’t believe she curled up in your bed right away."
"I was surprised. I expected her to hide all night, but she’s not shy at all. It’s almost like she knows me," I chuckle and my eyes flit to Raya’s when I realize what I’m saying and how true it is about both of us as well.
She just smiles, her cheeks flushing softly again. It gives them such a beautiful tint.
"You’re a very easy person to feel that way around," she says.
"Not usually." I run a hand over my beard with a small smile, considering our situation once more.
"No?" She tilts her head to the side in an adorable way.
"No. I actually have a hard time getting close to people. And vice versa."
"Hmm," she hums in thought.
Now we’re doing that thing where we just gaze at each other thoughtfully, both of us trying to restrain smiles like we’re kids with a secret—or maybe just adults incredibly attracted to one another for some unknown, cosmic reason and unable hide it or to look away.
I told myself earlier this morning that I can’t sleep with her. So despite how awful it sounds, it’s probably a good thing that she’s injured and in a hospital bed right now. I don’t trust myself with her at all right at the moment—not with the dream just last night. Every time those cheeks turn a pinker shade, it makes me want to groan. And I don’t want her thinking that the reason I’m wanting to help her is about sex, because it’s not. The dreams obviously are, but this isn’t. There’s more of a connection between us than that, and my instinct is to protect it—including from myself, if that makes any sense at all.
The morning sun has reached her bed, and now I’m noticing all the different flecks of colors in her irises and how enchanting they truly are when they’re focused on me like that. I’m about ready to say something to that effect when Will walks in, and instead I stand up like I’ve been caught doing something wrong. I give him a small wave and smile and reach for the remnants of breakfast to toss them into the garbage.
"Morning, Dad," Raya says, her voice more chipper than I’ve heard it, and I can’t help but hope I’m at least partially responsible for that. It could be the bagels and coffee.
"Morning, honey. How are you feeling?" He walks to her side and kisses her head, giving her a one-armed hug in the process.
"Sore but otherwise pretty good." I watch her eyes dart to me while I walk to throw things away. "You two really don’t have to do this. I can figure out another way to get my things."
"It’ll be fine," Will smiles a little tighter this time, clearly not looking forward to returning to her apartment but also not willing to admit it. "We won’t go knocking on any doors this time, right Dex?" He chuckles nervously, and I nod in agreement.
"Seriously, don’t. Please." Her eyes turn back to me.
"Do you know that neighbor?" I ask, wiping my hands. "You called him the creepy guy."
I’m not planning on knocking on the guy’s door again, that’s for sure. But there’s also a restlessness at the thought that he will go unpunished for this. I’d really, really like to take care of that. I don’t know how yet, but I’ll figure that out later.
"No. Not really." I see a visible shiver rake her at the thought of him, which pretty much decides it for me. Yeah, I’m definitely going to figure out a way to fuck that guy up. Just not today, and not with her father present. "I would catch him watching me from his window sometimes. I bumped into him in the basement once."
"The basement?" I ask, brows raising. Why the hell would they be in the basement?
"That’s where the laundry room is." Her arms have curled around herself in a self-soothing way as she shrugs.
I want to groan and lecture her about safety, because the more I’m learning about Raya, the more I’m truly wondering how something hasn’t happened to her before the car accident. She seems blissfully unaware of the dangers lurking around her.
Will and I both just stare at each other, likely with the same thought. His daughter may have narrowly escaped a terrifying encounter with the creepy guy. Perhaps the neighbor is a peeping tom with no intent to do true physical harm, but I seem to recall at least one true crime podcast about a serial killer who started the same way.
"Well, you won’t ever have to worry about seeing him again." Will rubs her shoulder. "What are the most important things you would like us to grab today?"
"Oh my god, I can’t believe you guys have to do this," she groans like it’s finally hitting her, and she buries her head in her hands. "Dex, would you mind if I talk to my dad alone for a second?"
—————
Once Will emerges from Raya’s room, I peek my head back in and wink at her. I can’t help it.
"Be careful," she says with a worried smile.
"Your father’s safety will be my top priority," I grin and then shut the door.
"Everything okay?" I ask Will once we get in the truck.
"Yeah. The car is great, thank you. But he didn’t charge me anything for it. I wasn’t expecting it to be free."
"Oh," I make a dismissive gesture while I’m backing out of the parking space. "I told you. Ronnie owes me one."
"Well, now I owe you one," Will says uneasily, glancing at me before looking back out the window.
"That’s not what this is about. I just wanted to help. You don’t owe me, Will. Please don’t overthink it."
We pull back into the apartment parking lot, and both of us sit again staring at the building like we did the previous day—only this time it’s because of experience.
"Did she say what she wants?" I ask, unbuckling.
"Mostly just clothes. There are a few little things she wants me to make sure to grab for her." He unbuckles, too. "Medications and things like that."
I nod, wondering if one of those things is the notebook in her bedside drawer. If it holds what Rory implied it holds, then Raya probably doesn’t want anyone to touch it—but least of all me. One corner of my mouth twitches toward a smile. I’m really glad that I left it here yesterday, or I probably would have had to lie this morning about not having read it.
Maybe I should start writing my dreams down, too. One day maybe Raya and I can compare notes.
