March 18, 2021
"It’s not like that. How could I possibly hate you? I just..."
"Just?"
Alicia swallowed her heavy breath and grasped Cabelenus’s hand. Without resistance, he followed her into the corridor. The moment the door shut behind them, Alicia let her shoulders slump. Intentional or not, a wound was still a wound.
"I'm sorry."
"There’s no need to apologize."
"I was anxious, so I said something I didn’t mean."
"Sometimes, the words that slip out unconsciously are the closest to the truth."
"......."
"I'm fine, so don’t look at me like that."
"You're fine?"
Alicia's lips parted slightly in disbelief.
"Hatred isn't the only thing that exists between us."
"......."
"I don’t want to lose everything over one emotion."
His words were firm, leaving no room for hesitation. Alicia held her breath, watching him intently. She felt both sympathy and unease—if Cabelenus was truly being influenced by the monsters, then he was unknowingly being deceived.
"...I need to tell you the truth."
Her grip on his hand tightened.
"If there’s something you need to say, go ahead. Just don’t say you’re leaving me."
"It might be the opposite."
"The opposite?"
"Once you hear what I have to say, you might be the one who hates me."
"That’s impossible."
Cabelenus's response was immediate, resolute. But Alicia couldn't bring herself to share his certainty.
"It might not be."
"It is. From the very beginning, I only ever looked at you. It was natural for my gaze to be drawn to you, and in the end, I wanted you."
"And if that is the problem?"
"...Are you trying to deny what we have?"
A heated breath escaped through Cabelenus’s clenched teeth. Alicia studied his face carefully, taking in every detail. He was trying to act composed, but the faint trembling at the corners of his eyes gave him away.
"You once told me that after becoming an experiment, you lost the ability to feel emotions."
"...Yes, that’s right. The more I became accustomed to the monster’s blood, the more my emotions dulled. I became something different from normal people."
"But despite that, you still feel something toward me."
"...What exactly are you trying to say?"
Cabelenus’s expression finally cracked, contorting in frustration. Alicia cautiously reached out, her fingers grazing his face. His sharp eyes, always shining brighter than the sun itself, were fixed solely on her.
"When I said you and the monster were alike, I was talking about your eyes."
"My eyes?"
"Not their color—what they hold within them."
"My expression?"
"The way the monster looked at me was the same way you look at me."
"......."
The trembling in his eyes traveled all the way to her fingertips. Alicia forced herself to smile, refusing to look away. Slowly, carefully, she pressed forward.
"Doesn’t that seem strange to you?"
"No. It doesn’t."
Cabelenus averted his gaze. But it didn’t last long. In the end, he couldn't bring himself to look away from her completely.
"...So what are you trying to say?"
"You already know."
"......."
He hadn’t heard the words outright, but Alicia could tell he understood. He was too perceptive not to. There was no way he hadn’t already figured out what she was implying.
"If being tainted by the monster's blood made you lose emotions, then isn’t the opposite also possible?"
"That doesn’t matter."
"It does matter."
"No, what matters to me isn’t why I feel this way. It’s you."
"That’s exactly why I need to say this. Because I think of you just as much as you think of me."
"......."
"You've spent your entire life being used, controlled by forces beyond your will. You've lived as if it was inevitable."
Alicia felt tears welling up, despite trying to hold them back. She pulled his hand toward her.
"I wanted to stay silent. I wanted to make up a convenient excuse. I was already content with what we have now, and I wanted to stay in this moment."
"......."
"But if I did that, wouldn’t I be the same as them? The people who made you this way?"
Alicia shook her head roughly, wiping away the tears that kept falling. Even as her vision blurred again, she refused to look away.
"Knowing what kind of life you've had, I can't stay silent."
"...Do you even understand what it means if I don’t love you?"
"Yes. I do."
Her answer came easily, without hesitation. Cabelenus's expression darkened. There was nothing to think about—her trembling throat, her tensed shoulders, the rapid rise and fall of her breath—it all betrayed her emotions.
"...And yet, you're still afraid."
Cabelenus ground his teeth. The sketchbook she had been clutching pressed lightly against his hand.
"You’re cruel."
"......."
Tears trickled down Alicia’s cheeks. Cabelenus exhaled sharply, unable to contain his frustration. The woman standing before him, clinging onto something as fragile as a sketchbook, was unbearably infuriating.
"And yet, you’re so unbelievably strong."
He reached out and pulled her into his arms, burying his face against the crook of her neck.
She was so small that she barely filled his embrace. And yet, despite her lack of strength, she was the strongest person he had ever known.
"You didn’t have to stir all of this up. You could have just ignored it."
"Didn’t you once say that you wanted me to be someone who makes my own choices? It’s the same for me. I want you to choose for yourself, too."
This translation is the intellectual property of Novelight.
"I..."
Cabelenus fell silent, his eyes squeezing shut. That smile—warm as spring sunlight, overflowing with affection—made his throat tighten. Even in that moment, Alicia continued to grip his hand tightly.
"I think I can find a way to remove the monster’s blood from you."
"...You can remove the monster’s blood?"
"If the monster’s blood disappears, you won’t be influenced by it anymore."
"......."
"And if that day comes... and your feelings for me aren’t the same—"
"It was just the beginning."
A rough breath brushed against the nape of her neck, making her flinch instinctively. But there was no retreat. She wasn't the only one holding on—Cabelenus was holding her just as tightly.
"People always have reasons—big or small—for liking or disliking someone."
"......."
"The monster's influence might be a factor. Seeing my dead mother in you might # Nоvеlight # have played a role. Or maybe it was something else entirely."
But in the end, all of those were just catalysts.
Cabelenus lifted his head and looked directly at Alicia. He pressed his lips to the corner of her eye, following the trail of her tears with slow, deliberate kisses.
"A reason is just the start of an emotion. It doesn’t erase everything that came after."
"......."
"It won’t just disappear because the reason is gone."
Their bodies pressed even closer together. Alicia inhaled sharply, feeling the weight of his hand against her back. Words were unnecessary. His heartbeat, pounding violently against his chest, laid bare emotions that his face rarely betrayed.
"If I were in your place, I would have done anything to hold onto you."
"......."
"I would have begged, clung to you, shown every pathetic side of myself—just to get even a sliver of your feelings."
He licked away the last of her tears, then lifted his head, laughing bitterly. His tongue, glimpsed between sharp white teeth, was an unsettling shade of crimson.
"You always act like you’re the one at a disadvantage. Like you’re the weaker one in this relationship."
His gaze bore into her, unwavering and unrelenting.
"But do you know something?"
The first one to let go was always you.
Tears welled up in Alicia’s eyes again, spilling over as Cabelenus leaned down once more. His lips, as desperate as they were possessive, traced her trembling face.
"If you don’t believe me, then don’t remove the monster’s blood."
"If I don’t... then you..."
"Then I’ll be able to stay by your side, just like this."
"......."
Alicia let out a breath, her mind reeling. It felt as if she had been struck over the head.
"I’ve always wondered how to explain what I feel for you."
"......."
"I’m not good with words, and I’m not like other people. But there’s one thing I do know."
With each word, his breath ghosted against her skin. His lips, searingly warm, left invisible marks wherever they touched. His strong hands, roughened by years of battle, dug deeper, holding her like an unbreakable snare.
"You told me to make my own decisions, right?"
"Yes."
"Then I choose you."
"You choose me...?"
"Whatever I decide, it’s my choice to make."
Cabelenus smiled. His sharp canines glinted in the dim light.
"I know myself. I’m better at destroying things than protecting them. If I want something, I take it. If I need something, I use whatever means necessary."
"......."
"The kind of love someone like me gives... it could never be pure."
His lips curled into a self-deprecating smirk. He had always known he was twisted. Ever since the day he became a test subject, he had lost all certainty of what was right or wrong.
But there was one thing he understood completely.
"You might grow tired of me, but I’ll never be the one to walk away first."
"...How can you be so sure?"
"Because even now, all I want is to kiss you."
With a soft thud, the sketchbook she had been holding slipped from her grasp and landed on the floor, pages fluttering open. The drawings inside were filled with sketches of him—each line and stroke capturing him in ways words never could.
Cabelenus’s gaze flickered to the pages before twisting into something almost pained.
"I know what you were thinking while you drew those."
"......."
"But no matter how well you sketch me, a drawing is still just a drawing."
"......."
"Forget the image. Want me instead. Don’t be satisfied with anything less."
"...Are you sure that’s what you really want?"
"I am."
His answer was immediate.
Then, his lips claimed hers.
Alicia gasped, her head tilting back as his arms locked around her waist, pulling her closer. A hand swept down her spine, tracing the shape of her body as if trying to imprint her existence onto his skin.
There was no space left between them, and yet, it still wasn’t enough.
Cabelenus’s grip tightened, fingers pressing deeper, his calloused palms grazing over the softness of her skin. Every touch, every movement was filled with an urgency that stole the very air from her lungs. It was a desperate, feverish kiss—one that left no room for hesitation.
"Haa..."
When they finally parted, a ragged breath escaped Alicia’s lips.
But even with that brief distance, the heat between them remained. Their breaths intermingled, their gazes locked onto each other as if the rest of the world had ceased to exist.
Cabelenus traced the shape of her lips with his thumb, his voice husky and raw.
"I want you."
"......."
"Every strand of your hair, every flicker of your gaze, even the smallest breath you take—I want it all to be mine."
And I want you to feel the same.
Their noses brushed, their breaths tangling together. His calloused hand slid into her hair, tucking a stray lock behind her ear before caressing the delicate skin beneath it.
Alicia shivered.
His gaze burned into hers, intense and consuming, as if committing every part of her to memory.
