March 15, 2021
"Did you miss it a lot? Was it difficult?"
"......."
"What's wrong?"
Alicia lifted her head, sensing the unwavering gaze upon her. Seated across from her, Cabelenus was watching her with an unusually serious expression.
"Don't you see something different?"
"Something different?"
"Yes."
Alicia pondered for a moment at Cabelenus’s solemn expression before suddenly bursting into laughter. A faint flush spread across her cheeks.
"Why are you laughing?"
"I'm not sure about anything else, but one thing’s for certain—your way of speaking is definitely awkward."
"You don't see it?"
"No. You seem the same as always."
Alicia nodded absentmindedly. No matter how closely she observed, the tall man before her remained as striking as ever. She couldn't see anything different about him.
"......Do I really look the same as usual?"
"That’s how it seems to me."
"......."
Cabelenus glanced down at the cufflinks glinting on his wrist. It was hard to even estimate how much time he had spent choosing his clothes and carefully fastening the matching cufflinks, and yet Alicia didn’t seem to pay the slightest attention.
'......Am I just not appealing to her?'
There was a time when Alicia liked his face, but that had been long ago. As time passed, perhaps her preferences had changed. The thought dampened his mood a little.
"Drawing is done with your hands."
Completely unaware of the man's disheartened thoughts, a small hand suddenly reached out. Cabelenus looked at Mikael, who tapped at the back of his hand impatiently, urging him to pick up the pencil. Regardless of his mood, a promise was a promise—he had to draw.
"Hey, do you know something?"
"What?"
"No matter how I think about it, I'm way better at drawing than you."
"......And how did you draw?"
"Like this!"
Beaming with pride, Mikael held out the paper he had been hugging. On it was a surprisingly well-done sketch.
"That’s pretty good."
"Right?"
Mikael's eyes sparkled. Cabelenus chuckled softly and placed a hand on the boy’s head.
"Maybe you should become a painter."
"But I want to be a knight."
"You can’t even hold a sword properly."
"I will one day! Grown-ups get stronger as they get older."
"We'll see about that."
Cabelenus recalled the scene from the hallway not long ago. The boy, who spoke so often of becoming a knight, had gone completely silent when handed a real sword. The weight of the forged steel had been too much—Mikael hadn’t even managed to take a single step, let alone swing it.
"You said I could do it."
"I did?"
"Not you—Gajev did."
Mikael hesitated for a moment. He wasn’t sure if he should continue, but the decision came quickly. The way Cabelenus looked down at him always stirred his competitive spirit.
"Gajev said that I take after you."
"......."
"So when I grow up, I'll be really tall and super strong."
Mikael's gaze hardened with determination. Cabelenus's pupils flickered slightly.
"......Well, if you take after me, you won’t be weak."
Cabelenus poked Mikael’s puffed-up cheek with his finger. He thought he should stop teasing him, but the boy's constantly shifting expressions were too amusing to ignore.
"Not that being like you is a good thing."
"......."
"......But I really will become strong, right?"
"You will."
"Really?"
Hope shimmered in Mikael’s wide eyes. Cabelenus reached out and gently traced the boy’s eyelids. Mikael's glossy eyes resembled glass marbles, so transparent that every thought inside them was visible. It was both amusing and strangely unsettling, as if he were staring into a mirror. But it wasn’t entirely a bad feeling. Looking into those innocent eyes made everything seem peaceful.
"Of course, you’ll still be weaker than me."
"No way! I'll be even stronger than you!"
"That’s impossible."
"Why not?!"
Mikael's cheeks puffed out even more in protest.
"Because you have more choices than I did."
Cabelenus’s gaze drifted to the boy’s slender neck. The weak were easily crushed and broken. Stepping on others to survive was a common reality. No one knew that better than a man who had lived through a life of struggle. And yet, he hoped that Mikael’s eyes would never lose their innocence. He wanted the boy to see good things, to do what he loved, to be surrounded by the people he cared about. To walk a different path than he had, a better one—one where he could spend his days in an ordinary, peaceful life, even if it felt boring at times.
"What kind of choices?"
"I wonder."
"Hey, that’s not fair! You’re teasing me again, aren’t you?"
"I'm not teasing you."
"Then what?"
"I'm saying that you don’t have to live like I did."
Cabelenus lightly pressed a hand against the boy’s round head before shifting his gaze. Alicia, who had been watching them, forced a smile. She understood better than anyone why Mikael was so eager to grow up—he wanted to protect her.
"......Whatever you choose is fine."
Cabelenus’s voice rumbled low. He had never been good at comforting others. But he still wanted to say something, anything.
Looking at Alicia and stroking Mikael’s head, he took a deep breath.
"If there's something you want to do, then do it. If there’s something you want to become, then become it."
Because protecting you—that's my role.
Cabelenus met Alicia’s eyes, watching the way her gray gaze lingered on him. Words held power. He wasn’t sure why, but the old stories Alicia had once told him surfaced in his mind at that moment.
Still, he wanted those words to truly hold power.
So that the warmth in his hand, the eyes that looked back at him—so that everything he held dear—would remain safe, no matter what.
***
This translation is the intellectual property of Novelight.
"So much chatter, and now he's fast asleep."
Cabelenus murmured as he carefully laid the sleeping Mikael onto the bed. With his eyes closed, the boy's resemblance to him felt even more pronounced, making the moment strangely unsettling.
"That's just how children are."
Alicia nodded, clutching the sketchbook tightly against her chest. Cabelenus quietly observed the tension in her hands.
"Even if Mikael hadn't hinted at it, I would have still done it."
"...You noticed?"
"It was a bit too obvious to ignore."
A faint smile crept onto Cabelenus's lips. Mikael, who had gone on about his ‘second wish,’ had kept sneaking glances at Alicia, clearly fishing for praise.
"I know you were trying to help me, but you didn’t have to go that far."
"Help you?"
"You helped Mikael feel comfortable calling me 'Father'."
"......."
"...Didn’t you?"
A faint crease formed between Cabelenus’s brows. Alicia hesitated before slowly shaking her head.
"It wasn’t like that. I didn’t even have the time to think about such things."
"You didn’t have time...?"
The wrinkle on Cabelenus’s forehead deepened. Alicia hurriedly took a step back.
"I don’t mean that I don’t have much time left."
"......Then what is it?"
"There’s something I need to tell you."
"If there’s something you want to say, go ahead."
"......."
"Is it difficult to talk about?"
Cabelenus’s right eyebrow arched slightly. Alicia fidgeted with her fingers before nodding.
"Once I tell you, a lot of things might change."
"That doesn’t matter."
"......."
"If it's too hard to say, you don’t have to. You can tell me whenever—"
"If I keep putting it off, I’ll never be able to say it. Fear will just pile up, and in the end, I'll remain silent."
Cabelenus swallowed dryly without realizing it. Though her face was pale, Alicia's eyes burned with determination.
"There was a time when I thought it would be better to just stay quiet. If I kept my mouth shut, no one would ever know."
"......."
"But I didn’t want that."
Her voice trembled. Without hesitation, Cabelenus closed the distance between them, standing directly in front of her.
"It’s okay."
"......."
"I’m here—"
"Can you speak to me like before?"
Alicia abruptly cut him off, her urgency apparent. Cabelenus instinctively held his breath, his brow furrowing slightly. Her grip on the sketchbook tightened.
"Do you not like it when I speak formally?"
"It’s not that. It’s just..."
Alicia took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She had braced for this, but her heart still raced.
"Slowly, just... No. Speak casually."
"I knew it. That suits you better."
"......."
"I'm not trying to reprimand you. It’s just... I just..."
Alicia sighed, struggling to find the right words. She had imagined the worst-case scenario so many times that even the smallest details felt overwhelming.
"It’s okay. Take your time."
"...Right now, I just want to talk to you like we used to."
Even after everything, I want our relationship to stay the same.
Swallowing the words she couldn't bring herself to say, Alicia looked up at Cabelenus. His eyes, unwavering and brilliant, glowed as fiercely as the monsters she had encountered.
"What is it that you need to tell me?"
Cabelenus gently brushed his hand over Alicia’s shoulder. For a man with such rough hands, the touch was surprisingly soft. Alicia held onto his hand tightly, steadying herself. Then, meeting his gaze directly, she finally spoke.
"...I met a monster."
"A monster?"
"Yes. I saw one."
"Did it try to harm you?"
Tension immediately hardened Cabelenus's jaw.
"No. It didn’t. If anything, it was... strangely kind."
Alicia shook her head, her expression unreadable.
"Kind?"
"To be honest, it wasn’t exactly kindness. It felt more like... longing."
"Longing?" Cabelenus frowned. "That’s an odd way to put it."
"The way it looked at me—it was obsessive. It was staring at only me, completely fixated, as if I was the only thing that mattered."
"You don’t have to be afraid. The monster can’t harm you. I—"
"You and the monster... You’re alike."
Alicia’s grip on the sketchbook tightened even further. Inside it were sketches of Cabelenus and Mikael—nothing extraordinary, just simple moments of an everyday life she wanted to protect.
"When I was pregnant with Mikael, I didn’t realize it. I only encountered a monster once, and at the time, I was too busy being paranoid, thinking it was after ◈ Nоvеlіgһт ◈ (Continue reading) my child."
"......."
"But this time, I saw it clearly. The monster and you... you’re alike."
"......So now, after all this time, do you find me repulsive?"
Cabelenus muttered under his breath. His voice remained steady, the tone as measured as always. But he wasn’t looking at her anymore.
Alicia suddenly realized—she had wounded him.
"You misunderstand."
"Misunderstand?"
"I didn’t mean it like that...!"
Alicia hurriedly bit back the rest of her words. Mikael was asleep in the room.
"It’s fine. You don’t need to explain yourself."
"......."
"I get it. It’s only natural, isn’t it?"
Cabelenus finally looked at her again. But he misunderstood.
And he was smiling.
