17-18: The lemon is not yellow, the Qing dynasty has already perished
Chapter 17
Ling Meng himself had no idea why he actually added Shan Zhu as a good friend at that time, but now Shan Zhu had him in his black car. Unhappy, he puffed out his cheeks during the queue matching, first looking like a hamster, then bulging even more like a pufferfish.
“Look this way!” his roommate raised his phone and took the shot.
Ling Meng couldn’t speak, glaring at him with two big round eyes to intimidate him.
“Did you know if you make a facial expression pack with this, it’ll be super popular?”
Ling Meng angrily aimed at him and blew out all his breath like a pufferfish.
Shan Zhu’s team was in the 3V3 group arena, and the random passer-by expressed his surprise as he marched into the arena.
[Empire] GuestC: Wow! Mang God!!!
[Empire] GuestC: What the fuck? Lemon Dad???
Ling Meng was astounded; the attitude change in attitude was so extreme?
[Empire] GuestC: I’m queued with both of you at the same time. Should I buy lottery tickets??!
[Empire] Mangosteen: We’re in the black (car).
[Empire]GuestC:!!!
[Empire] Mangosteen: Baby, can you speak?
[Empire] GuestC: Yes!!!
[Empire] Lemon: …
— This passer-by knows how to add drama 2333
— Lemon Daddy was so mad he leaked sparks.
— Exhibitionism ah, what the hell is this leakage, aren’t lemons afraid of tongue numbness when they give off electricity?
Ling Meng cleared his throat: “I can.”
— Who spoke just now? Is it you, Lemon Dad?
— I don’t believe it! That’s not the voice for the Lemon Daddy that lives in my heart!
— My Lemon Dad is tall and sturdy with a thick beard and thick hands, his voice wouldn’t be cute like a boy’s. ╭(╯^╰) ╮ It must have been GuestC!
“Wait for the next step to go to the front line together; C, guard the space station, okay?”
The passer-by finally figured it out.
[Empire] GuestC: My feelings are that of a light bulb.
The hostile forces also entered. The Federation players frowned and found that the opposite side wasn’t simple.
[Universe] [Federation] EnemyA: This… Should we resign immediately?
[Universe] [Empire] Lemon: The sons quailing before their Daddy, it’s only natural.
[Universe] [Federation] EnemyB: It’s rare for Lemon Dad to organize a team to fight.
[Universe] [Empire] Lemon: Yes ah, I brought your Godfather along with me.
[Universe] [Empire] GuestC: Haha exactly, that’s me!
[Universe] [Empire] Lemon: …
— This passer-by, you really add a lot of drama!
— Do not block my Mang God camera feed!
— Daddy and Godfather? Interesting /thinking deeply
Ling Meng had talked about making waves, this guy here was the real wave, not modest at all. In the first three minutes, three little minions were sent to knock on the opposite mine car, then harass in the east and sneak attack in the west. Although it didn’t cause any actual harm, it did distract the other side.
[Universe] [Federation] EnemyA: This is excessive, ah.
[Universe] [Empire] Lemon: Daddy teaches you what it means to beat the disgusting undead.
[Universe] [Federation] EnemyA: Dad, you’d better kill me!
The unlucky EnemyA had just finished saying this when he received a warning that the space station had been attacked. The passionate Lemon lay in wait nearby. Although only a handful of soldiers came to guard against retaliation, EnemyA still transferred the large army from the frontlines to the defensive line.
[Universe] [Federation] EnemyA: Fuck, you really did come!
Unexpectedly, when his large army had just withdrawn, the assault troops of Mang God came down like a ghost, smashing several of his towers and reaping the remaining defensive soldiers on the front line.
Mang God, who had completed a successful sneak attack quickly, withdrew at full speed, letting EnemyB who came to the rescue rush to save him. It was quite cost-effective to trade a handful of Lemon’s basic troops for several important facilities across from Lemon’s base.
Of course, the Federation couldn’t just let this bullying happen. They aimed at Lemon, who had been making trouble and apparently had not upgraded his defense facilities, and launched a wave of attack at his base.
“My home base is going to be demolished,” Ling Meng said on the voice channel. “Should I defend it?”
The audience in the broadcast room could no longer deceive themselves by saying that this is passer-by C. Everyone who had held a fiendish image of Lemon Dad was disillusioned.
— My impression of Lemon Dad is that his voice rings out like a loud bell, he strides strongly with the wind, he roars like a lion, and he takes the initiative to be direct. Who is this little boy still smelling of his mother’s milk?? You give me back my Lemon Dad!
— Unexpectedly, the one I’ve been calling Daddy for so long is actually a minor [HuskyVomits].
“Don’t,” Shan Zhu called back to him. “Use the base backup and come to me as fast as you can.”
— Cohabitation invite GET!
— Cohabitation invitation +1
–The fastest cohabitation in history /rolling my eyes
GuestC also turned on his mic, with a heavy voice that was quite consistent with everyone’s fantasy of Lemon.
“The match just started and a base is already almost lost? Damn!”
“What’s up? I told him to do as he pleased!”
“Wuli Mang God, you’re the reason he’s being reckless?”
“He’ll make his waves, you guard the center well.”
GuestC with streams of tears as wide as noodles: “If I could go back, I would choose the Federation… ┭┮_┭┮”
Ling Meng ignored his teammate’s tears, drove the backup base car, and rushed to Shan Zhu with all his remaining troops. His own den was blown to pieces behind him.
Shan Zhu wasn’t the least bit idle. He prioritized his upgrade points towards maneuverability. Facing the enemy to divert attention from Ling Meng, he sent the shock troops to wander around. If the enemy was planning to go back and establish defense, they would have left without a fight. Instead, the Federation party tried and failed to catch up to Ling Meng and attack him. Instead, Mangosteen tore them to pieces.
“Your ancestors must have been huskies. You must have originated from the demolition team.” Ling Meng commented, settling down in Shan Zhu’s base.
“You don’t have to build anything, just keep making explosive ships,” Shan Zhu told him as he maneuvered around.
Ling Meng was thinking along the same lines. He was poor and empty now. Rather than develop slowly again, it was better to bind their fates together.
“I know, share the electricity with me.”
Shan Zhu gave him access to the power supply and then upgraded the power station. After a little while, he saw Ling Meng’s explosive ships being produced one after another.
“I’ll have the Eagle out in five minutes,” GuestC proudly said. He hadn’t been disturbed by the waves from both sides on the rear flank and his full-scale science technology development was way ahead.
“Good, I’ll dismantle the turret on the opposite side first, then wait for you to come out and we can push through in one wave.”
“Simple and crude, I like it.” Ling Meng’s screen was full of explosive ships, densely packed. If the opponent came to scout out the area at this time, they would pee themselves in fright.
— I don’t want to fight against the combination of Mang God + Lemon Dad at all, it’s too shameless.
— You guys are making my heart clench, buddies.
“If I could go back, I would choose the Empire.” Even GuestC sighed with emotion at the magnificent sight of Lemon’s explosive troops.
The Federation mothership was being produced in a race against time, but a low-pitched alarm began to sound, the clarion call of the Empire’s ultimate weapon, the Eagle.
“Don’t worry, they shouldn’t have enough troops. As long as we weather this wave, we can counterattack.”
“Lemon Dad’s development has sunk beneath the waves. Mang God is running fast. Keep the primary focus on GuestC.”
“Jiayou! Winning against Lemon Dad working harmoniously with Mang God, is it enough for us to brag for a whole year?”
However, after seeing the dense explosive fleet following the Imperial Eagle, these three naive children were struck silly.
“… surrender, eh?”
“… forfeit.”
“How is this playing according to the rules? There’s no sportsmanship at all.”
[Universe] [Empire] Lemon: Don’t surrender, Daddy has brought you gifts, be sure to accept them!
[Universe] [Federation] EnemyA: Dad, such a valuable gift, can we not?
[Universe] [Empire] Lemon: This is all father’s love!
[System] After a fierce battle, the empire achieved the final victory!
Before Ling Meng could give his hospice care, Shan Zhu spoke.
[Universe] [Empire] Mangosteen: Baby, do our boys play games very well?
[Universe] [Empire] Lemon: Fuck!
— Fancy that, Lemon Dad’s hospice care unexpectedly turned into an expletive.
— That is probably the shortest hospice care in Lemon Daddy’s history, isn’t it?
— Feeling sorry for the opponents, they struggled against Lemon Daddy in vain, but didn’t receive the Daddy’s love.
Winding up the game, Shan Zhu was awarded MVP due to his outstanding performance throughout the entire match. GuestC also took the title of best technology development. Ling Meng’s home base had exploded in the match and he earned scarcely any points. Out of heartache for Lemon Daddy, the audience brushed a wave of gifts as tribute in the broadcast room.
“A lot of water friends brushed gifts to comfort you, won’t you come see?”
“Don’t try to trick me into your broadcast room, I won’t be fooled.”
“Ah, you figured it out.” Shan Zhu pretended to act pitiful.
— Shock! A bad anchor is attempting to kidnap a minor!
— Lemon Dad can’t get past the R18 restriction on Mang God’s broadcast room.
“They’re all saying you’re underage.”
“Of course I’m an adult, check my ID if you don’t believe me!”
“People who bring up ID cards as soon as they’re provoked by others are usually young adults.”
Ling Meng gnashed his teeth in anger: “Is it fun to bully me with your powder all day long?”
— Undertaking this job for all the pleasure in my life.
— Every day, we thrive on this joke.
— Thank you, Lemon Daddy, for curing my depression.
“A pornography anchor like you, a mass of filthy people as powder, every day they send out filthy barrages – don’t think I haven’t seen them before.”
–5555555555555555
–5555555555555555555
— I’m running late, why is there weeping!?
— No one is brushing 666 in the broadcast room. Everyone’s brushing 555. The water friend who just entered the room doesn’t know the truth, thinks something sad has happened.
“How about you make a live broadcast and show me an example of this kind of porn anchor?” Shan Zhu asked in a half-joking manner.
“I’ll stream live,” Ling Meng promised unexpectedly, “I’m going to show you what the clear stream in the field of broadcast anchoring looks like!”
@Lemon: At 8 o’clock tomorrow night, this Daddy is playing on Fighting Cat, please look forward to it!
@Mangosteen: Room number? @Lemon: At 8 o’clock tomorrow night, this Daddy is playing on Fighting Cat, please look forward to it!
@Lemon: How do I know! I haven’t applied yet, I’ll tell you in advance! @Mangosteen: Room number? @Lemon: At 8 o’clock tomorrow night, this Daddy is playing on Fighting Cat, please look forward to it!
Chapter 18
Ling Meng’s broadcast room was called “Live streaming is not easy, often go back to look at my Daddy’s house”, which reflected the strong Lemon Dad personality style. Before the scheduled broadcast time, a group of idlers came in to save a seat and the barrage was neat and uniform:
— You boys play games very well~
Of course, there were occasionally formation wreckers:
— We boys play games very well!
And the new evil forces that emerged from yesterday’s match:
— Baby, are our boys playing games very well?
By the time that Ling Meng read these barrages, he scarcely knew the words boys, playing games, and very well.
“Brush something else, aren’t you tired of brushing the same sentence every day?”
When Ling Meng’s voice appeared in the broadcast room, the chat boiled with excitement and everyone chatted in a merry mood.
— Wouldn’t get tired after brushing Lemon Dad’s famous sayings ten thousand times!
— How could it be the same sentence? This is obviously three sentences!
— Actually, I am not a human being. I am a script that automatically brushes the barrage. You boys play games very well.
The broadcast room returned to a peaceful state. Lemon Daddy, who had just poked the bubbles instead of diving, suddenly feigned ignorance of where he had gone.
— Daddy wasn’t be scared away by us, will he?
— Our household’s first live broadcast, can you all gather together and give a little encouragement!
— I was wrong. Come back, Lemon Daddy. I turned off the script QAQ
“Hello, everyone.”
Ling Meng appeared again, the chat could no longer be described as boiling, the water friends had simply totally evaporated.
— Face cam, camera?!!
— Fuck, it’s really Lemon Dad?!
— Daddy said stream live – face cam wasn’t mentioned at all!
— Isn’t this forcing the Mang powder to jump the wall?!
Ling Meng sat down, adjusting the camera angle while pretending to be calm. After all, this is his first live broadcast and tens of thousands of people had come in before it started. It would be a lie to say he was calm.
— Ao ao ao ao ao, how lovely~~~~
— My Lemon Daddy is seventeen [meow meow]
— Looking at this face, it’s hard to reconcile it with the Lemon Daddy’s hospice care final words…
“Welcome to my broadcast room. I thought it’d be possible to sign up like Weibo, I didn’t expect there would be so many verification procedures… If it hadn’t been for someone’s backdoor influence, the first live stream would have been out the window.”
— Key point: Someone’s backdoor influence [ Smile]
— Someone with Fighting Cat backdoor influence, it’s impossible to guess who it is [Smile]
Ling Meng deliberately screened out that rhythmic barrage and responded to some insignificant comments:
“I’m really an adult, I’m 19 years old right now. Not lying to you….I’m not going to post my ID online…. From childhood until now, I’ve looked about the same.
“No beauty face filter. When I went to buy a camera today, the store owner said that it would cost a hundred extra for the beauty function, so I bought an ordinary one.
“What is my skin care routine? Is it not okay to bask in the sun?…My dimple is all natural, not added….it’s not a scar….why is it only on one side? How should I know.
“Yeah, I’m a southerner. Now I’m studying in north Hebei, everyone here is very tall.”
Someone took the lead in brushing a gift and Ling Meng rubbed the tip of his nose, leaned in, and carefully read the names that popped up on the screen.
“Thanks LoveLifeLoveLemon for the cat food.
“Thanks to Xyle…for the canned cat food.
“Thank you, Mu…what is this word? For sending the catnip.
“…slow down, I can’t read it.”
— 233333 so meng
— I never imagined that Lemon Dad would have this painting style [laughing through tears]
— Black powder turning, passer-by becoming powder, powder becoming extreme powder!
— Lemon Dad, don’t be afraid to play! The lemon’s live stream, look at the little meng!
— You don’t have to read every word. This kind of Lemon Dad is making me laugh out loud.
The news of Lemon Dad’s live stream spread by word of mouth to hundreds and thousands, and the number of people in the broadcast room quickly broke through 200,000. Ling Meng had been lurking in Mang God’s broadcast room for a month so he knew the anchor had several routines and skills, but he didn’t expect it to be easy to watch and so difficult to do. Not everyone could talk and laugh in front of hundreds of thousands of people.
“Welcome, everyone, to my live stream,” Ling Meng was nervous and stuttered.
— Don’t be nervous, hahaha.
— Caring for the new anchor is everyone’s responsibility.
— I want to see Lemon Daddy recite five hundred lines of hospice care.
— 6666 this guy is passable.
Ling Meng was a little nervous and a bit angry, so he blew his cheeks up as was his habit, shifting the air from left to right and back, waiting for someone to wind up the barrage with another topic of discussion.
Unexpectedly, everyone saw him making faces and frantically started brushing meng meng meng.
— Spitting up meng!
— Spitting up meng blood!
— Vomitting meng!
— Pass the microphone to the vomiting bro!
“Don’t brush that I’m meng again,” Ling Meng bared his teeth. “Actually, I’m super fierce.”
— So fierce that it scares the baby.
— New-SuperFierce.jpg get!
— You want to scare me to death to inherit my Imperial Eagle, right?
“Is talking about health topics not good, I’m determined to become a clear stream anchor.”
— Health ♂ well-being ♂ word ♂ topics.
— So it turns out this is a men’s healthcare talk show /leans on cheek
— Mang God will also rechristen himself as a clear stream?
Housekeeper Mangosteen: The first broadcast of Little Lemon and already getting ready for the chat ban meal package.
–Meow meow meow?
— Since when was there another housekeeper in the room? Isn’t this ID a little familiar?
— The housekeeper didn’t even deliver a cat climbing tree? We won’t give in to the anchor.
— Raising my hand: What is the chat ban meal package?
Housekeeper Mangosteen: One hour for forbidden words plus a one hour ban in my broadcast room, one ban get one free offer, you’re welcome to experience it.
— Oh, we don’t want this kind of offer [smile]
— Lemon Dad is a good MAN, Lemon Dad is super fierce, and Lemon Dad is a clear stream [clever child]
“Can you go back to your own room,” Ling Meng pushed him out, “Are you still in the mood here?”
Housekeeper Mangosteen: I’m broadcasting live.
“What are you broadcasting live?”
Housekeeper Mangosteen: Hosting. (broadcasting Ling Meng’s stream)
Ling Meng: 凸
— Oh my god, clear stream anchor showed the middle finger!
— Oh my god, the clear stream anchor answered the porn anchor with a middle finger! Bad, bad!
— Clear stream anchor, you have to adhere to yourself, don’t be led down the path of evil porn!
“I didn’t want to make him a housekeeper. I only learned after the fact that the backdoor influence would require a price.” If it hadn’t been necessary to apply 24-hours in advance for a live broadcast, Ling Meng wouldn’t have gone to Shan Zhu for help. Shan Zhu was a contracted anchor, knowing the inside staff at Fighting Cat. So the broadcast room had been opened and there also had been a housekeeper attached.
— (Small Strokes) that’s right, to use the backdoor influence, you have to pay with the back door!
[Announcement] Housekeeper Mangosteen banned the user, Small Strokes, for one hour.
— First blood!
— Congratulations on the first kill!
— Achievement earned [The First Man Banned in Lemon Dad’s Room]
Shan Zhu smirked and brushed ten cat climbing trees for Ling Meng so that he sat at the top of list of poop-scooping officials, causing dissatisfaction.
— This cat climbing tree was clearly sent by me to Mang God the day before yesterday and you’ve used the gift I gave to you to treat another anchor!
— Powder turn to black powder, black powder turns black brain powder! (opposite meaning as before)
— Shock! Porn anchor and clear stream anchor actually conduct this kind of transaction openly…
— You have the capability to brush cat climbing trees and cat courtyards! Send a big house!
Housekeeper Mangosteen: I will send the courtyard when someone outstrips me.
“It’s all from your powder girlfriends, I don’t want it.”
— Powder girlfriend 233, I smell strong lemon vinegar.
— Don’t cry, your boyfriend powder will also give it to you.
“I don’t have that kind of powder, I only have black powder.”
— (LoveLifeLoveLemon) No! You still have me! I am your mother barrier powder!
“What is mother barrier powder?”
— (LoveLifeLoveLemon) Like a mother cares for an idiot child, I care for your powder!
[Announcement] Housekeeper Mangosteen banned user LoveLifeLoveLemon for one hour.
LoveLifeLoveLemon couldn’t enter the barrage and brushed 99 cat food in angry protest.
A robust man appeared behind Ling Meng and, at a glance, Shan Zhu recognized him as Ling Meng’s roommate, Huo LongGuo.
— Someone is in Lemon Daddy’s room!
— What? Cohabitation with Lemon Dad?
His roommate bent down and adjusted his hair in front of Ling Meng’s camera. Ling Meng didn’t respond as if he hadn’t seen it.
“Since we don’t want to talk about healthy topics, let’s play the game.” Ling Meng opened the game client.
— Wait a minute! Who’s behind you, can’t you see him?
The client was LOADING and the roommate started doing the Ghost Step Dance, moving at a demon’s speed, but Ling Meng was indifferent to the sight.
— Can Lemon Daddy really not see it? I have to laugh, how is Lemon Daddy so calm?
— Laughing, laughing, and now suddenly shivering.
— Lemon Dad, do you know there’s a spirit behind you?
— Real men never look back.
Even Shan Zhu’s roommate heard the news and started watching Ling Meng’s live stream.
“Are they really our classmates? That’s really sick, hahahaha.”
“Well, it’s in the next dormitory over.” Shan Zhu smiled.
“I’ll have to stay away to keep from being infected.”
Ling Meng hesitated for a moment on the interface to choose the battle mode and received a team invitation from Mangosteen.
[Private chat] Mangosteen: Does the Three Kingdoms model work?
Ling Meng was a bit hesitant. The Three Kingdoms model was prone to a dead game, often at an impasse for a long time.
[Private chat] Mangosteen: Today’s daily task.
As soon as he heard it was the daily challenge, Ling Meng accepted it. There were only the two of them in the room.
“Wait as I get a few more people.” Shan Zhu opened the room’s voice chat and the audience in Ling Meng’s broadcast room also heard Mang God’s voice.
— Opening a 1/1 room every day
— Are you not afraid of the chat ban meal package?
— Silly, the housekeeper has returned to his own broadcast room, we can let loose.
Ling Min, watching out for an eye-catching barrage explosion, suddenly felt that it was necessary to recruit a few more reliable housekeepers.
Shan Zhu’s friends came in one after another, all Fighting Cat anchors.
“Today is Lemon’s first live stream. Let’s do the Three Kingdoms model.”
The old veteran anchors knew Mang God was helping the new anchor with growing grass (fans). Together, the five of them added up to at least a one million audience base.
“No problem, I’ll group with Lemon Dad.”
“I’ll be with him, you form your own team.”
“Overbearing.”
“Cruel.”
“Ruthless.”
“Caw caw.”
Shan Zhu ignored them, saying to Ling Meng: “Baby, choose yellow.”
“Why, I like blue.” Ling Meng deliberately acted against his wishes and chose the blue team. Another fast anchor, AnchorA, immediately grabbed the place on the Blue team.
Shan Zhu was the room master. He changed the Ling Meng to the Yellow Team without hesitation and stuffed the weakest comedian anchor, AnchorB, into the Blue Team. The remaining two chose the Red Team.
“Now you’ve exposed your shady nature,” AnchorA argued.
“The lemon is not yellow, the Qing dynasty has already perished, begin.”
—
Footnotes:
1. yellow (黄): colloquially lewd/perverted; Qing…perished (大清要亡): an expression criticizing outdated ways of thinking/acting
2. black car (黑车): unlicensed cab, performs illegal operations for paid services; group for queueing in Galaxy apparently
3. 露点: dew point, skewed as “expose a little” and slang for exhibitionism or flashing, this is a censored phrase in China
4. light bulb (电灯泡): unwanted third guest (third wheel)
5. HuskyVomits (哈士奇吐舌): a husky emote from an expression pack, imagine any husky meme
6. Wuli: Korean loan slang meaning “my”, added before the names of idols
7. base backup (car): a small vehicle that can evacuate from the base to keep the player in the game when their base is destroyed for team matches
8. demolition team (拆迁队): pretty sure this is a reference to a tower defense game called The Big Battle Nail House Versus Demolition Team, where the demolition team are the destructive enemies
9. old iron (老铁): internet/chat room slang for buddy, meaning the relationship is close, reliable, and trustworthy like iron; 扎心了(tying my heart): sensation of someone clutching your heart
10. pornography (色情), same as used in porn actor (色情演员) but now porn anchor
11. 555: internet slang for crying
12. clear stream (清流): slang to describe a rising star who stands out among others, typically for their sensor of humor/candor
13. jump the wall (跳墙): slang for not giving money “after eating” on the internet, especially used for getting around the censorship firewall in China and accessing other sites for free; basically, go somewhere else to get what you can’t get somewhere
14. meng (萌): not his name, but meaning cuteness -> a cute animal “sells meng”
15. painting style (画风/畫風): internet slang for someone’s appearance and behavior
16. 黑转路，路转粉，粉转脑残粉: three phrases here, first one (black turn road) indicates black powder is turning towards becoming powder because of the idol’s actions, second one (road to powder) indicates passer-by are becoming powder, and the last one (powder to brain powder) is referring to regular powder becoming extreme obsessive fans
17. Poop-scooping officials (鏟屎官): self-mocking internet slang term for cat owners
18. Ghost Step Dance (鬼步舞): slang for the Melbourne Shuffle dance that went viral in late 2000s/early 2010s (google it)
19. red naked naked (赤裸裸): means stark naked, undisguised, out-and-out + black curtain (黑幕): shady, despicable methods
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