A/N
*****
I deeply apologize for the break. I had a very busy time at work this week, and I could not keep up with my writing at all.
Hopefully, I'll be able to update this book every day in April until it finally ends.
******
Harold just looked at Alicia's back as she walked slowly to her chamber, her mind filled with thoughts. Too many thoughts.
He walked behind her slowly and didn't ask her any questions or try to find out what she was thinking about.
He understood her. Everything was hard to take in.
She had simply stood up and left the room, and he had followed her, leaving just a disappointed Harvey with his father.
It was already late in the evening and the first bell had already been rung, but that didn't seem to bother Alicia at all as she still walked slowly.
"Come out," Harold suddenly ordered, making Alicia stop walking, but she didn't turn to look at him immediately. However, she heard ruffling beside them and turned to find a guilty-looking Susan nervously coming out of her hiding spot.
Susan bowed to acknowledge the two of them and said nothing. Her eyes looked sad as if she had cried.
Alicia could tell she had heard their conversation. But how much? She had no idea.
"What were you doing there by this time?" Harold asked her.
"It was an accident!" She spoke defensively.
"I... didn't follow you there, I swear it."
Harold kept his suspicious gaze on her, and it took a moment before she realized that she was indeed suspicious. So she quickly explained,
"I... was told I smelled a lot like Princess Amber, so I... had to get rid of it first by getting rid of every smell. I didn't do it for any hidden purpose." She quickly explained and briefly wondered how he had been able to know she was there.
Alicia simply acknowledged her with a nod and started walking ahead. Too tired to start a conversation.
"It... never gets better, does it?" Susan asked, stopping Alicia in her tracks, and slowly turning to face her.
"You are... angry at me, aren't you?" Susan asked her.
"Why would I?" She asked in a tired voice.
"Lord... Zealot." Susan said softly.
"Since he... since he... he is my grandfather," she said with her head down.
Alicia sent her a small smile as she said, in an exhausted tone, "Well, you are not him. You are very... different from him."
Susan looked at her with tear-streaked eyes and slowly nodded before asking, "Will... you be okay?"
"I will try. Don't wander about. Good night."
Susan hesitated, but she nodded slowly. She spared Harold a glance and bowed before she left.
When it was just the two of them left, Alicia turned around and looked at Harold, and he could see how exhausted she was. But more than exhaustion, there was something he could not read in her gaze. And it didn't give him a good feeling.
She gave him a weak smile similar to the one she had given Susan before walking closer to him, and then she embraced him.
Out of the blue.
He was startled at first, but he recovered quickly and hugged her back.
"I am tired." She said with a heavy sigh.
"I know," he replied softly.
"Then let me hug you for a bit." She said softly and tightened her hold around him.
The second bell rang with the two of them in that position. None of them flinched at the loud, intruding sound that broke the peaceful silence of the night.
He wanted her to say something. Anything at all. Thankfully, she did. But of all the things he had expected her to say first, she said the last thing he had expected.
"Do you think your mother ever loved the king?" She asked, still in his embrace.
Did he think so? He had no idea. He barely knew anything about his mother. So how would he know about her affection for the king? However, he did have an idea.
"I... don't think she did." He shook his head.
"Why do you think so?"
"I do not take after the King much. Therefore, if I take after her, then I doubt she felt any real affection for him that was not forced in because she was born vulnerable to a person like him." He spoke softly, but she could hear the quiet anger in his voice.
"She wouldn't... genuinely care for someone who ruined her life like that."
Alicia nodded as she echoed the last statement he had made. "She wouldn't genuinely care for someone who ruined her life like that."
"I wouldn't either." She said, her voice still very weak.
"I... am A-Alicia." She said in a broken voice.
He wondered why she was telling him that.
"But to everyone else, I am Amber. Princess Amber."
"People may also wonder why Amber has such deep feelings for Prince Harold when his family ruined hers."
"They may wonder why I do not have any ill feelings towards Susan when her grandfather ruined my family."
"They may wonder why Amber chose to be close to Harvey if they find out the role his father played in the whole thing. Or why Amber is okay with Paulina being that close to Williams."
She suddenly let out a laugh. "No wonder many of them were convinced that I was here for revenge. It's the normal thing to do in my case. The reasonable thing for Amber to do."
"And yet—"
He heard her sniff and let out a quiet sob.
Harold tried to break free from the hug to look at her, but she held on to him tightly, refusing to let go. She didn't want to.
"I... love you. Very much, Harold." She sniffled.
"It's difficult for me to show it to you, but it's because... I don't know how best to show it to you."
"You... are the best thing that has ever happened... to me."
"And for you, I want to always be better. And I want you to be better too. To not just be feared, but to be loved."
"A-licia—"
"I didn't mind giving up my civilized existence to be here with you. I didn't even mind how my life suddenly jumped from normal to paranormal—"
"Princess—"
"But... I am scared."
"I cannot stop thinking about this whole thing. I cannot stop thinking about Anne. I cannot stop thinking about Amber."
"I know that Amber wouldn't want any of this. She... would hate it."
"She would hate you. She would hate me too. And then if she finds out about Sir Richard, she is going to hate Harvey too. I have... a bad feeling about all this."
He also had a bad feeling about this. And that was because whenever he tried to focus on the present, something just showed up to remind them that Amber was most likely going to show up one day and everything would be messed up.
"Alicia..."
He called her softly and forcefully broke free from the hug to look at her teary face. She closed her eyes and didn't look at him. All he could see were the tears all over her face. It was just as Susan had said.
It never gets better.
*****
A/N (2)
I'll be getting off work soon. So I'll try to upload another chapter.
Let's hope for a great weekend!
This chapter is updated by freew(e)bnovel.(c)om