Witnessing these memories made Su Xiaofei restless. This was the same feeling she had when she turned into a wandering ghost that haunted Lu Qingfeng in their second lives until his last breath. She could only watch as events unfold in front of her.
A matron from a rich family came to the rural village where the young Lu Qingfeng and her younger self were living. It was revealed that she was the long-lost daughter of an heiress and was taken back. Su Haoran received a hefty amount of money as compensation for raising her.
During that time, the young Su Xiaofei was starting to lose her sense of sight. It was said that it was due to the constant trauma she received from Su Haoran's beatings that a blood clot had formed.
"So, I'm going to the big city early to meet my real mom and get my eyes treated." The young Su Xiaofei said to her childhood best friend. Her eyes were covered to protect them from light and further damage.
The young Lu Qingfeng said nothing and stared at her smiling face. Su Xiaofei and her son stared at him with curiously.
"Will you be here when I come back?" The young girl said. Her new bodyguards were waiting for her a couple of steps away from them, allowing her to bid goodbye to her friend.
Lu Qingfeng heaved a sigh and leaned his back against the trunk of the tree. He looked better now and wasn't bound to a wheelchair like he was last time.
"Do I have a choice?" He responded.
"Why do you sound upset?" The girl cocked her head to one side, trying to figure out where he was. "I'm just going to the city earlier than we planned. If I don't return here, you have to promise to come to me instead. You said that people in the city could be mean. I need you to be with me."
Lu Qingfeng stared at her for a moment, as if he was considering her words. It seemed to Su Xiaofei that the younger version of her husband didn't like crowded cities and would rather live in a peaceful, rural place like this.
"Okay. I'll come to you if you don't return to see me. You better do something productive while waiting for me. No one will help you with your homework, so you have to do it yourself. Don't you dare forget about me!"
The girl burst into laughter. "Who would be stupid to forget about you?"
However, that stupid one turned out to be Su Xiaofei herself. Not long after her surgery, she had selective amnesia where she forgot everything and her time with Lu Qingfeng. She never returned and Su Xiaofei was forced to watch her young husband wait many moons and days for her young self to return, but she never did.
She wasn't surprised when Mo Yuchen appeared in the scene and drove Lu Qingfeng away when the latter tried to seek Su Xiaofei. She could only watch as Mo Yuchen schemed against Lu Qingfeng, pushing her husband to death by tampering with the break of the car he was in.
She lowered her gaze as the next events came to her in a blur. It wasn't the first time she'd seen Lu Qingfeng on his deathbed, but it still killed her inside everytime.
The wailing of a child caught her attention and she saw the other Su Xiaofei on a hospital bed with an infant in her arms. Tears were welling in her eyes, but she had a genuine smile on her face as she held her baby.
Su Xiaofei turned her head to the young man accompanying her through this memory lane. He nodded in response to her unspoken question. Still, why did she feel like she was forgetting something?
"You said that you are the reason for my rebirth, why do you say so?"
"Because you regretted everything, but not me. In the last moments of your life, you remembered Lu Qingfeng. You regretted everything you've done to him, but if you didn't do what you did, you'd never have me as your child. When I died, you assumed that heaven was punishing you for Lu Qingfeng's suffering. I could see now that it's still the same."
"What?" Su Xiaofei furrowed her brows in confusion.
"Mom, why do you think that you are the villain who ruined people's lives? You didn't do anything atrocious and never went overboard in your previous lifetime, but why do you still think you need to prove yourself to everyone? People keep calling you names, blaming you for something you are not, until you end up believing their words."
Su Xiaofei didn't know how to answer him at all. It never occurred to her that perhaps she wasn't the villain that she thought she was. She might have been stupid and foolish for seeking a man like Mo Yuchen, but she'd never go as far as ruining someone's life. In fact, wasn't she the one who ended up with nothing in the end?
"You also blamed yourself for my death. You've lost me twice, Mom and each time, it broke you beyond repair. I become a shadow in your heart, a deep seated guilt you cannot let go." He stepped forward and gently brushed her tear stained face. Su Xiaofei didn't even notice that she was crying again.
"It's not your fault, Mom. You lost me because my soul was incomplete, so I had to leave. But you… you have to return to my sisters now, Mom. They are waiting for you. Lu Qingfeng is waiting for you. You've been gone for too long. If you stay in this space, you will start to forget them and you won't wake up ever again. I can't keep you here any longer. I'm sorry for making you cry."
Su Xiaofei held his wrist and shook her head vehemently, not willing to let him go.
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