Why would she worry about Li Xiran meeting another woman? Xi Qian thought. They weren't in an exclusive relationship and she wouldn't stop him from seeing others. However, a bitter feeling settled in her stomach as she imagined Li Xiran with someone else. Did she somewhat grow some feelings for him?
"Are you alright? I can send you home now, if you're tired." Xi Qian heard Li Xiran say next to her. She shook her head in response.
"No. Let's stay a little longer, shall we? It's not everyday that you get to meet up with your friends like this, right?" She replied.
Su Xiaofei said that some of their companions had flown in from Shenjing just to meet them. From the looks of it, it was obvious that Li Xiran had been enjoying the conversation he was having with his friends. She had never seen him as easy going and comfortable as this. It would be too selfish of her to deny him this moment with his brothers.
"Alright…" Li Xiran didn't question her any longer and Xi Qian took the chance to drag her best friend away for a private conversation.
"Hey. What's the matter?" Su Xiaofei said as she took a seat on the rooftop poolside bench of the hotel they were in.
"I dunno," Xi Qian admitted. "I also want to know what's going on with me." She added, before downing her drink in one go.
She was somewhat frustrated. Xi Qian was starting to feel annoyed with herself. She knew she felt something for Li Xiran, that's for sure, but she wasn't certain how deep and serious it was.
"You know, Qian. You can tell me whatever it is that's bothering you." Su Xiaofei said, eyeing her patiently.
"I'm not sure myself." Xi Qian admitted. At least she only had one problem to worry about, now that the examinations were over. How could she explain what was wrong when she couldn't explain it herself?
"Is this something about you and Li Xiran?" Su Xiaofei continued to ask her and Xi Qian wasn't surprised by the spot on guess because her best friend knew her better than her own family ever did.
She remained silent. The night breeze somewhat gave her the comfort she needed. Perhaps she already knew the answer, but she was still in denial.
"I love him." She finally said, almost a whisper. "But I'm afraid, Feifei. I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep up with what we have and he would give up on me like my ex-boyfriend did."
"It's not your fault, Qian, but it's unfair to keep Li Xiran waiting like this if you couldn't be 100% sure that you want to be with him."
"I gave him a choice." Xi Qian insisted.
"And he agreed to stay?" Her best friend asked in disbelief. Su Xiaofei was surprised that Li Xiran was tolerating Xi Qian to this extent. "Did he say the L word?"
Xi Qian hummed. "But I didn't say it in return. He never said it again after that one time."
"Maybe that's because he doesn't want to get disappointed." Su Xiaofei shrugged. "Being rejected hurts like a bitch after all."
"But I didn't reject him!" Xi Qian exclaimed, but she knew what Su Xiaofei meant with those words.
"I just…" She tried to find the right words to explain herself. "He caught me off guard when he said it. I didn't expect him to say those words in the middle of our…"
Her cheeks burned red and she tried to hide it from Su Xiaofei, who had already seen it. Her best friend chuckled and said no more, giving Xi Qian enough time to calm down.
"There's nothing wrong with doubting things, Qian. It only means you care about those feelings of yours and you care about Li Xiran." Su Xiaofei said after a long silence between them. "I just wish that you wouldn't cage yourself in your past anymore, since you've already learned the lesson it was supposed to teach you."
Xi Qian supposed that her best friend was right. "So do you think I'm ready?"
"Only you can answer that question."
When the party ended, she and Li Xiran left and she was starting to regret drinking too much. Her head was swimming from all the wine she drank tonight and she'd eaten very little earlier due to her nerves.
The talk she had with Su Xiaofei helped ease her somehow. It was clear now that she was in love with Li Xiran too. It was bananas to know that she had been denying what she truly wanted.
'Li Xiran isn't the type of a man who would pluck a girl out of nowhere and turn her into a woman he wants by his side.'
In all honesty, Li Xiran was the type of man she wanted. There were times that she couldn't believe that someone like him wanted to be with her, despite her hesitation.
Big, warm hands cupped her shoulders and she smelled Li Xiran's familiar scent. He then rubbed her arms as if trying to warm her up.
"You okay? It didn't seem like you enjoyed the party." He said.
"I did." Xi Qian said in defense. She stepped back and allowed Li Xiran to hold her. "I'm happy and lucky to meet new friends. Your new friends. How come you never mentioned them before?"
Li Xiran shrugged and watched as the numbers indicating the floors in their elevator descended.
"I didn't know you would be interested to know more about me… I thought my company is enough for you." He said, but there's something with the way he smiled that didn't sit well with Xi Qian.
Xi Qian faced him and looked straight into his eyes.
"I do want to know you better." She said. "You're not just a fling."
Li Xiran smiled at that. A genuine one this time and Xi Qian couldn't help but think that she liked it better.
"I'm not?" He gave her a boyish grin, as if he was pleased with her answer.
"So… are we together now?" He continued, giving her a guarded look, just like the one he had given her when she didn't tell him she loved him back.
"I thought it's already given." Xi Qian gave him a pointed look. What was the point of denying herself of what she truly wanted anyway?
It took Li Xiran a moment to understand what she was saying, as if he didn't expect her to answer him here, at this time, of all places. Xi Qian would usually avoid having this conversation with him, but that didn't mean that he wasn't concerned about what she thought of what they had.
A part of him died when Xi Qian never returned the words he accidentally spouted that night. He should have never said it in the midst of their passion.
"I…" His mind went black and couldn't say anything in return.
"Let's go home now. I'd love to have a personal party with you." She winked at him suggestively.
The man laughed at that and Xi Qian shivered at the intensity of the gaze he was giving her. Xi Qian never felt as wanted as this by a man before. It was like he couldn't wait to possess her, to claim her, mark her as his.
"You're quite lovely in that dress, Xi Qian, but I cannot wait to see you out of it." He whispered to her ear before claiming her lips in a sweet smile.
"Are you trying to romance me? Coz I think it's working." Xi Qian ran her hands over the lapel of his coat and kissed his cheek.
"Is it? It's good then. I would like to take you home, but your place is nearer and mine's not ready yet."
Li Xiran peeled himself from her and drove his car to the apartment where Xi Qian was staying, but he couldn't stop Xi Qian from teasing him, touching him, and it was a real challenge for him to pull the car to a stop and have her here and now. He groaned as her hand pulled his shirt open and touched him.
"Xi Qian, as soon as we get you home, I'm making you mine again."
The journey suddenly felt like it was taking forever. He steeled himself not to react to her touch but it was hard to ignore her when Xi Qian was looking at him like this.
"Come on then, Li Xiran. Chop chop and drive faster, but make sure not to step on the wrong one." Xi Qian replied, her dress was now ridden up high, allowing Li Xiran to get a glimpse of her smooth legs that drove him crazy.
"Or maybe I don't want to wait until I get home. I want you now." She added suggestively.
Her hand slid between them and rubbed the growing erection tenting his pants.
"A little more, dear. Just give me five minutes and we will be there." Li Xiran tried to convince her, but his body was clearly betraying him.
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