Kissing Xiao Rufeng like this had always put Yan Xiuchen's self-control to a test. It was hard for him to think of anything at the moment, as his every thought was filled with her and only her. A full body tremble moved through him as Xiao Rufeng moved closer against him, her soft chest pressing against his.
Yan Xiuchen pulled away and sucked in a deep breath. His face was red as he held Xiao Rufeng's shoulder to keep her away from him. He didn't quite trust himself at that moment.
"Too much?" Xiao Rufeng asked with a slight smile as she cupped his face.
"Yes… Just give me a moment to calm down." He admitted.
"It's okay. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable."
Xiao Rufeng lowered her hand and sat up straight next to him, looking disappointed, but her body wired with need. She wanted to kiss him more and so much more, but it was obvious that he couldn't make up his mind.
It wasn't the first time something like this had happened. She wondered if she wasn't attracted enough to him, or if it was him who was trying to force himself to allow himself to be touched by her.
If she didn't know him any better, Xiao Rufeng would think that he wasn't sexually attracted to her at all. It wasn't like he wasn't interested or doesn't reciprocate her feelings, if anything he looked torn and was struggling not to pounce on her and kiss her with all his might. He would always back away like this, leaving her aching and frustrated at the same time.
But she understood that all of these were new to Yan Xiuchen. He once admitted that she was the only woman who was able to get close to him and was sure that he didn't receive much love and attention from others.
Despite being together now, Yan Xiuchen was still anxious at times. Xiao Rufeng knew that he still thought that he was a hideous person and didn't deserve to receive anything from her. It was something that had affected his whole life and the reason he kept everyone at arm's length, leaving him lonelier than ever.
"You seem uneasy. Is there something wrong?"
"No. It's not you… it's me that couldn't take any more of this." Yan Xiuchen said with a self deprecating tone.
He shook his head, willing the indecent thoughts out of his mind, but he didn't know if Xiao Rufeng knew how it felt to be cast away, to make people churn with the look on his face.
He still wasn't sure what made Xiao Rufeng like someone like him. Didn't Xiao Yunyao just call him a phantom? Surely if Xiao Yunyao could see how horrendous his face was, Xiao Rufeng was more than aware of it too.
"You what? Don't you like touching me? Kissing me?"
Xiao Rufeng knew that she was playing dirty, but she couldn't help seeing him blush. She also didn't miss how he ached to touch her when he thought that she wasn't paying attention. Was he afraid that she would reject him if he did?
"We can take it slow. I don't mind waiting a little longer." She forced a smile although her whole body was aching for him to fill her, take her until she couldn't think of anything else but him.
"I… I don't know how to please a woman."
There, he said it. Yan Xiuchen grimaced and looked away in shame.
Xiao Rufeng blinked at that and turned to face him. She didn't expect him to be this honest with her. Well, she had boyfriends before him and dated during her college days. It never occurred to her that she would date a man like Yan Xiuchen.
But something about his admission made her cheeks burn with a blush. She had never been with a man who was as vocal with need for her as Yan Xiuchen was.
"You want to please me?"
"Of course I do. I-I want you." His face reddened as he looked at her. "In fact, I desire you."
Xiao Rufeng could feel her whole body heating up at the end of his words. His mere presence was enough to put her in a trance. Didn't Yan Xiuchen know how attractive he was in her eyes?
He felt big, hard and warm against her and his familiar scent was enough to drive her with need whenever he was close. Xiao Rufeng had never felt this kind of attraction for her previous boyfriends. She was like a cat in heat.
Well, she wasn't appalled with the idea of being touched by him or claimed by him. In fact, she couldn't wait to feel his big hands touching every inch of her body, so Yan Xiuchen shouldn't worry too much about his inexperience.
"Is that all? Then how would you know if you don't touch me?"
Yan Xiuchen stiffened next to her and she thought that he would deny her once again. Instead, he laced his fingers with hers and kissed her knuckles, his eyes meeting hers.
"I don't know how much is too much."
"It's okay. I'll tell you where I want to be touched." She said breathlessly.
His face was close enough for Xiao Rufeng to kiss, his breath brushing against her face as his gaze moved over her as he studied her. Yan Xiuchen looked calm this time, but his eyes flashed with desire towards her.
When he drew her close to him once more, Xiao Rufeng shut her eyes and allowed him to kiss her. His tongue brushed against her lips, intending to deepen their kiss. She whimpered when she felt one of his hands ever so slowly moved from her nape down to the collarbone and laid his palm against her breast.
Sensation flared through her and she dug her fingernails on his shoulders as he plundered her mouth with his tongue while his hand started to map her body. His touch was a little rough and uncertain, but Xiao Rufeng couldn't be bothered by it.
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