"You… want to be in a relationship with me?" He asked her.
The expression on his face looked shattered, his voice stiff and sounded uncertain. He looked at her as if he couldn't quite believe what she had just said to him.
"Is it really hard for you to believe that I like you?" Xiao Rufeng returned to his side and rested her head on his chest, feeling him stiffen at the contact. "You know this isn't easy for me, too."
Yan Xiuchen said nothing. He'd once said he liked her, but would that be enough to pursue a relationship with her?
He lifted a hand and touched her head, getting Xiao Rufeng's attention. She pulled away and looked at him nervously. Xiao Rufeng knew that she needed to tread with care when it came to him. Yan Xiuchen obviously didn't have enough confidence in himself, believing that no one could see past his face.
He brushed her hair off her shoulder and looked at her straight in the eyes.
"Are you certain that you want to be with me? There are other men that would love to be with you."
"And you don't?" She frowned at him, but he fell silent.
"I think I'm in love with you." Yan Xiuchen admitted. The redness of his face was a stark contrast to the uneven white scars on his face.
Now he had her full attention. Xiao Rufeng stared at him in surprise. Her heart would have melted into a puddle of goo if she hadn't heard his next words.
"But I'm not sure being in a relationship with me would be good for your career and reputation." He reminded her.
She opened her mouth to argue that it didn't bother her, but was stopped when he placed a finger on her lips.
"You don't know how happy I am that you like me too, that you are interested in me, but do you really want to be in a relationship with me? Have you given it a good thought on how this may affect your life as an actor? You might not care what others think of you, but I do. I don't want anyone to speak badly of you because of me."
Xiao Rufeng clenched her jaws, tears now spilling from her eyes, immediately sending Yan Xiuchen into panic mode. He never meant to make her cry.
"Please don't cry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
He couldn't stop himself from leaning forward, pressing a light kiss on the corner of her mouth, surprising not only Xiao Rufeng, but also himself.
"So you don't want me?" She asked with teary eyes.
"Want you more than anything in this world." He corrected her.
"Then, you'd rather let other people take away what we could have. Is that it?"
Xiao Rufeng wasn't sure which was more painful. Being rejected or being told that she wasn't worth fighting for. Yan Xiuchen clearly was in love with her, but he didn't want to take the chance to be with her.
However, she also knew that what he said had a valid point. Her manager would surely say something, but she didn't doubt that Su Xiaofei would understand her. Xiao Rufeng had never thought that her career as an actor would become an obstacle to her love life.
Yan Xiuchen fell silent, considering her words. She made it sound like he was a coward. Was he? He questioned himself.
Here's Xiao Rufeng, professing her feelings to him, and yet he was being such an idiot, making her cry. His loneliness seemed ebbing away as he looked at her tear-stained face, his heart clenching painfully at the sight of it. He'd made her cry, and Yan Xiuchen hated himself for it.
"I just don't want you to get hurt because of me." He murmured, her sorrow was tearing him apart. He didn't like how things were turning out tonight, but he knew it was his fault.
"But right now, you are the one who's hurting me." Xiao Rufeng choked out between her sobs. "Don't you have any faith in me?"
Yan Xiuchen mentally berated himself.
"I'm sorry… I never meant to hurt you. It's just… it's hard for me to trust people."
"You have to understand that it's not for other people to decide whether we should be together or not. I chose you, didn't I? I'm not going to deny you in public even if the whole world finds out about it, but you…"
"You're right. I'm a coward." He finished her sentence for her, but Xiao Rufeng shut her mouth and turned away, not wanting to look at him.
"I have never thought that I would be the first one who would hurt you instead. Forgive me." He took her hands and kissed her knuckles so tenderly that it hurt Xiao Rufeng.
"But if you would have me…. Whatever remains in my tattered heart is yours and yours alone. There wouldn't be anyone but you. It is yours, darling, even before you asked for it. It is yours till the end of time. If you want to pluck my heart and crush it with your own hands, all you have to do is say so, and I'll happily give it to you."
Xiao Rufeng sucked in a breath and regarded him for a long moment. She could see that he was longing for her.
Such a bold confession from him had certainly caught her off guard. This damaged person was trying his best to please her, to love her despite knowing that she could hurt him the way he could hurt her, and yet here she was, doubting him.
She wanted to kiss him and make him understand that she knew the consequences of her choices. Damn it all to hell.
Suddenly, she threw her arms around his shoulders and Yan Xiuchen pulled her towards himself for a hard, breathless kiss. A kiss that they both denied themselves of all through the weeks they spent together.
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