Su Xiaofei was frantic when she woke up and realized that her husband was having a nightmare next to her. Lu Qingfeng had a deep frown on his face and was breathing erratically. She had tried to wake him up, but her husband wasn't responding to her, sending her straight into panic mode.
She had known that Lu Qingfeng had a hard time falling asleep as she had witnessed the same thing happen during her time as a ghost. At that time, she thought that she would be able to help him with these episodes, but she was proven wrong now. No matter what she did, Lu Qingfeng remained asleep and unresponsive towards her.
"You are definitely not alright. You scared me to death." She said as Lu Qingfeng held her close, hearing his heartbeat racing against his chest. Was he scared? She wondered.
He must be. From the way he was clinging to her and how unusually pale his face was, that nightmare must have scared him. But Su Xiaofei couldn't help but be curious. What kind of nightmare was it for her husband to act like this?
Lu Qingfeng said nothing and only rested his chin on top of her head. Su Xiaofei remained still and let him hold her as long as he wanted, if this would help him to calm down from his nightmare. Still, she hoped that he would at least tell her what was going on.
"I know I said that I would wait until you are ready, but if this happens again, I wouldn't know what to do." She looked up at him and felt his fingertips wiping the tears she hadn't noticed streaking earlier.
"I apologize. I didn't think something like this would happen. It is just hard to collect my thoughts and decide which ones are the truth and which ones are not." Lu Qingfeng finally said.
Su Xiaofei blinked through her tears and looked at him confusedly.
"What do you mean?" She asked, trying to see if he would answer her this time.
Lu Qingfeng didn't respond for a moment, trying to find the right words to explain to his wife about his knowledge of their previous life without implying that he was reborn just like her. He didn't mean to lie about his rebirth, but he wouldn't want her to misunderstand his intentions for keeping the truth from her this long.
"Feifei, I had dreams before, way before I came back to Qiying City." He started and Su Xiaofei listened to him, giving him her full attention. "They were so vivid and felt so real that I couldn't distinguish if I was dreaming or experiencing it myself. Were those merely nightmares or fragments of my memories? I couldn't tell at all. In those dreams, you had died. Aunty Qing died. Xi Qian died and I…"
His words trailed off, not sure if he should tell her how he became a tyrant after her death. Lu Qingfeng knew that he could not use her as an excuse for the horrible things he had done in the past because Su Xiaofei had never asked him to do any of it. It was his sin to bear, not for Su Xiaofei to carry the guilt.
"I became a monster, Feifei. I could feel their blood on my hands. I could feel the coldness from your lifeless body as I held you like this. Feifei, I wouldn't know what I would do if I lost you."
Su Xiaofei shivered at his words, eyes widening as it never occurred to her that something like this could happen. It made sense to her why Lu Qingfeng would act like this. However, she couldn't just claim that those were merely dreams, because he had truly become a person she couldn't recognize after her death.
If it wasn't because of her, Lu Qingfeng wouldn't have turned that way. He wouldn't do such things if she hadn't died, leaving him with no reason to continue living. He was alone, more than ever, and it broke her heart to see him withering away during her time as a ghost. Perhaps that was one reason why she wasn't reborn immediately. Fate must have wanted her to witness the effects of her poor choices and how deep Lu Qingfeng's love for her was.
And now, he was being haunted by the memories of his previous life. How can she not be worried about him? She knew that if he managed to remember all of those memories from the past, it would only torment him more.
The one who should apologize was her, not him. She had been unfair to him from the very beginning, dismissing his feelings towards her just because he was younger in age. Heck, she even became a foolish teenager when she followed Mo Yuchen around like a headless chicken?
As for him becoming a tyrant… well, she wasn't as innocent as Lu Qingfeng thought her to be. She had been a foolish villainess in her previous life. Wouldn't that make him a tyrant for his villainess?
"If you are given a chance to change it, would you do it?"
Lu Qingfeng considered her question for a moment. Did he regret what he'd done after her death? Truthfully, no. He would do it all over again if they dare to plot on her life again. However, seeing his wife's worried expression, Lu Qingfeng decided not to share these thoughts with her.
"That Lu Qingfeng only became a monster because he lost his Feifei. I wouldn't be so foolish as to suffer the same fate as him." He responded.
'I cannot lose you again.' He added in his mind.
Su Xiaofei ran her hand over his muscled arm and smiled at him.
"Still, even if you become a monster, as long as your heart is mine, I would still be with you nevertheless. I must sound foolish for saying these, but I would still love you even if the world burns to the ground."
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