Chapter 74: 61 - Secrecy
Or maybe, I’m just dreaming too much, huh?
Reading manga, watching anime, diving into novels, then starting to position myself as if I were a character in a fictional story... "Brainrot," as the internet calls it. Maybe it’s true, it’s a kind of decay of ideas from consuming too much absurd stuff.
I think I’m just a victim of it all.
Overthinking moment.
"Ugh... my head hurts," I muttered softly.
I lay my body down, letting the tension in my shoulders and mind slowly dissipate, evaporating with the orange light that slowly crept in through the gap of the old, antique-style balcony.
Its color was faded red, the paint peeling, yet the afternoon light struck its frame with a gentle touch. Like the backdrop of a painting from the age of discovery—the 18th century, perhaps.
A thought crossed my mind: if only Selene hadn’t sent me here, maybe I would still be a doctor reluctant to touch patients in the name of empathy.
Even though... I’m actually too emotional. But the fear of emotional nakedness makes me close myself off, pretending to be immune.
Sometimes, honesty is more terrifying than visible wounds.
And what’s even crazier, it hasn’t even been a full day.
Just one day. And I’m still alive. I’ve got no idea whether it’s a miracle or a curse.
While imagining all those possibilities, my eyes slowly closed, drifting into reverie, into the shadows of things that didn’t happen... with Selene.
* * *
I—Selene—initiated a gentle tap on her body.
Maybe there would be a reaction. Maybe I could be saved.
"Uh... Ms. Izumi, please don’t hug too tightly. Kairi is still recovering."
With a reflexive movement, Ayaka Izumi immediately released her hug. Instantly, I was free from two soft mountains that had almost made me lose consciousness.
"Oh, right! I’m sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to..."
Her gaze was innocent, naive, warm. Not stern. Not sharp. Contrary to the general description of a mother of a rebellious girl like Kairi.
I mumbled to myself. Is this serious? Kairi hates a figure this gentle? A mother who is so caring, innocent, and warm?
I almost couldn’t fathom it. If I meet Kairi later, I’ll interrogate her thoroughly. I’ll... tickle her. Then I’ll grope her. Part by part. I won’t leave any gaps.
Why am I suddenly impatient?
I should have just given in to being squeezed by those mountains, so I would pass out immediately, then return to my world. Simple.
By the way, the nurse was talking to Ayaka.
It seemed they were discussing Kairi’s improving condition. Both looked relaxed, even chuckling softly. Ayaka is about forty, but her face is almost wrinkle-free. She even looks younger than Kairi used to, before I summoned her to my world.
So... how did Ayaka treat Kairi, I wonder?
My memory was hazy. But from the fragments of information that remained, Ayaka was protective. She really looked after Kairi. When she heard Kairi fainted from rat poison, she immediately panicked. Perhaps... the conflict began when Kairi argued with her father, Shouya Izumi. That sentence... it was iconic:
"I don’t want to be your puppet anymore."
Ayaka might have felt guilty. Maybe she didn’t know what happened. And as a career woman who rarely could monitor her child, that statement must have hit hard. It’s possible she immediately scolded Shouya and started offering facilities to make up for her guilt.
But Kairi was stubborn. She rejected all forms of help. She wanted to live independently. With self-respect that couldn’t be bought.
Kairi was like that. Idealistic. Critical. Her imagination was vast. If I hadn’t sacrificed myself then... perhaps her stubbornness would never have changed.
And as if the universe heard my thoughts, Ayaka took my hand.
"Come on, let’s go home, Kairi. With me. So Mama can be at ease. They said you can go home, but it’s up to you. What do you say? Do you want to?"
THUMP-THUMP. THUMP-THUMP.
There was a strange feeling. Like an alarm inside me beating frantically.
Ayaka looked at me. Sincere. Warm. Unexpected.
"But I..."
"It’s okay. Mama knows. You’re lonely, aren’t you? Come here, let Mama accompany you. Like before..."
That sentence was like a drop of water eroding a mountain.
I could imagine. Perhaps they were indeed that close before. As close as a vein and a heartbeat. And now... I have to answer. But I am not Kairi.
And... precisely because of that, I must stop pretending to be her.
If Kairi were here, she would definitely say, "Be yourself."
Cliché. But coming from her lips, just once... that sentence could feel real. Pure.
I took a deep breath.
"I’m sorry, Ayaka. But... I feel comfortable with my world now. Thank you for your concern. I truly appreciate your affection."
Finally.
For the first time, as Kairi, I was honest. Honest with this body. With my own feelings.
Because by lying, we not only deceive others, but also betray ourselves.
Ayaka stared at me, stunned. Her eyes widened. But only for a moment.
Then, a smile.
"You’ve really changed, Kairi... Alright. If that’s what you want, Mama won’t force you anymore."
Her hand stroked my head. Softly. Full of love.
"But Mama will still visit you, dear. May I?"
I nodded slowly. Smiling. Kairi might be 24 years old, but who says someone is too old to be loved?
And before the moment progressed further...
"Uh, excuse me... Visiting hours are over. So... Ms. Izumi, are you done? Kairi needs to rest."
"Oh, really?! Sorry, I got carried away. Hahaha~"
Her laugh was crisp. As warm as the afternoon sun.
"Alright, nurse. I’ll take my leave. Kairi, Mama’s going home now~ See you."
I waved.
THUD!
I immediately dropped onto the bed. Eyes closed. Tired.
And I fell asleep.
...
* * *
...
"Oh?"
I’m back. And...
"Selene? Are you okay? Why are you spacing out?"
Milena’s voice. Milena Eiri Geflügel. First-Class Mage. Kairi’s friend in the future. Without me.
Perhaps I will marry Dellaetrix. Like before. But this time... there’s Kairi.
"Hey, Selene!"
My daydream shattered.
"Uh—y-yes! Selene is here!"
Oh no. I bit my tongue.
A secret. Stuttering, blurting things out... Kairi shouldn’t know this. Her image of "perfect Selene" would be shattered.
"Come on, who are you thinking about? Dellaetrix, right? Just admit it."
Damn it. Was I smiling to myself just now?
My face flushed. Not because she was right. But because... actually, I was thinking about Kairi.
"Um... yeah, I guess. But she’s busy, you know. Teaching, traveling to and from Kulvkavasha."
"Oh, right..." Milena nodded, a mischievous smile.
"Eh, but... have you two ever... you know?"
Ah. The conversation finally went there.
"No, not really. Mostly just family meals."
We were too busy. Me with school assignments. Her with her job. But...
I had to be the forefront of the school as an Arcanist Mage, and she had to work behind the scenes, conducting various research and experiments on potions as a healing technique for physical, mental, and curse-related wounds.
More or less, she and Kairi were very similar, like two peas in a pod. I wouldn’t be surprised if they clicked instantly the first time they met. Because both Dellaetrix and Kairi, although also like me, were interested in the experiments they conducted, with their personalities being quite eccentric.
Honestly, it had been a year since I was betrothed—or more accurately, our families proposed the arrangement to the royal family—and then she proposed to me, which I truly accepted because... coincidentally, I had also fallen for her, and our families were already very close. The L’Etrange extended family welcomed me with open arms. No, they were even too kind to me.
Ever since her parents and siblings were murdered by the children of the demon race, she was raised by her aunt, uncle, and even her grandparents who came to her family’s funeral. They were determined to love and protect her sincerely.
Kairi. Always Kairi in the back of my mind.
And that thing about Dellaetrix, I haven’t been able to tell anyone.
No, not yet. At least, not for now.
Or should I? Well, let me use my subversion first then to begin with it...
