Chapter 163: Maybe it’s because I’ve been by his side for way too long
If he simply said this, it would look like he wasn’t putting any thought into his words when he said them. He hoped she’d just let it slide, but she had become quite emotional these days, so she had a variety of new reactions she released in his presence.
What was her problem?
Wait, he didn’t even need to ask because he already knew.
He was just the one playing the oblivious game so he wouldn’t need to start thinking of responsibility so early on. If she just wanted to have fun, then he could go along with it, but he knew that was not what she wanted.
She wanted commitment and time and he wasn’t sure he was cut out for something like that.
He wouldn’t cheat, that’s for sure, since he didn’t particularly hold interest in such things, but... What if he couldn’t give her what he wanted?
This was the single question that weighed on his mind and he had his fingers dug into his hair a few times trying to think up an answer.
She was great, if he had to be honest. Though bad at cooking and a little hot-headed, and maybe a little short by his own standard, she had the body, alright. And she had the ability to protect.
Who wouldn’t want a woman like that?
"I see." Alyssa said, turning her face away as she felt awkward for feeling so special just because he said Olivia reminded him of her.
There was no big deal there.
She had been passing on secret messages to him, and though it felt hard to express her own feelings, you could say her pride was partially to blame, since there was an 80% chance Roland would reject her; she wished he could at least pretend to see her effort.
’No, if he sees my efforts, it would be like he’s acknowledging my feelings little by little and then I’d feel too hopeful for my own good, only to get disappointed at the end.’ She thought, curling the locks of her hair on her index finger.
She pursed her lips.
Roland definitely saw her feelings; she was sure of it. He was that smart but he was ignoring her even when she was being so obvious.
It was clear that he was doing it because he didn’t want to get involved in her feelings. Since it was one-sided, he wanted it to remain one-sided, maybe till he was ready? She wondered. Or maybe till they finally parted ways.
This made her heart feel unsteady and uncomfortable.
Just what did she need to do to get rid of this feeling that was hindering her own happiness?
She was tired and exhausted and angry and... Sad.
Was it so hard to get one’s feelings reciprocated?
’Ah, I’m the dumb one for falling for someone like Roland.’ she thought. No good would come from falling for someone who had no other desires than buying a small island, getting a house, and living the rest of his days without anything to worry about.
She shoved her fingers through her hair in frustration.
She felt so dumb and angry but she couldn’t even take it out on anyone, not him especially. Since he didn’t ask her to fall for him.
He had continued his teasing like he did from the start and never gave her the impression that he wanted to start something with her.
Yet... She began to cultivate these feelings.
’Maybe it’s because I’ve been by his side for way too long.’ She thought.
She was a young woman with desires too. She had never dated, but maybe her body and heart were just looking for a companion.
They sometimes sleep on the same bed with Olivia in between them, just like the previous night at the suite. And during that time, she can’t help but stare at his face.
He was handsome, despite his gloomy appearance but he didn’t like to show off.
He was amazing, in his own right, and she... She wanted to do something, but she held back all this while, so there was no use ruining it now.
’Yeah, I probably fell for him because he’s the only man in my life right now.’ She thought, scratching her neck and glancing at him.
He wasn’t even paying her any attention, despite how she had scattered her hair just now.
’I think I need to meet other men. If I meet other men, I might see someone more to my taste, and I won’t have to think of Roland anymore.’ She dropped her hands and shoved them in her jacket pocket. ’Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll go on blond dates.’
"Let’s head back," Roland said, taking out his cigarette and tossing it on the floor.
He stepped on it and said,
"We’ve been away for too long."
Alyssa nodded but didn’t say anything more.
She merely observed him.
Roland... She could never get what he was thinking.
And because she could never get what he was thinking, she was always at a loss for words when next to him. She could not understand his thought process or tell what he wanted.
In fact, it felt like he didn’t want anything.
And her inability to even pick up a bit of what he was thinking made her own thoughts rigid and caused her unnecessary uncertainty in her heart.
If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he was doing it on purpose.
But alas, that was just how he was.
’Yeah, it’s definitely for the best that I meet other guys and decide on the type of man I want to be with.’
Alyssa had no idea that she had already set her standards.
Her misinterpretation that she only liked Roland because he was the only one in her life for far too long clouded what should have been a normal thought process.
Her type had already been set and because of this, her way of judging other men had also been set.
Where in the world would she find someone like Roland in the world?
But if she doesn’t, she’d have to make do with the available men in the world.
As for Roland... He had no idea the kind of thought process that was going through Alyssa’s head. And by the time he’d get to know, it might already be too late.
By the time they got back, they found Olivia crying.
Noah carried her but she wouldn’t stop crying.
"What’s the matter?" Alyssa asked Michael and Michael raised his head. He looked a little distressed but fine, nonetheless.
"It’s nothing. Olivia’s just sad that she fell asleep in the car. It’ll pass soon." He said and looked at Roland.
Did they go on a stroll?
"She’s calmed down." Noah said to them but they could still hear Olivia’s sniffs.
She had a running nose but buried her face in her father’s shoulders.
"I didn’t want to fall asleep." She complained. "I’m so sad right now."
There was still time to go in and play with the cats, but it looked like her mood had been ruined since she fell asleep, and that was why she felt so sad to the point of crying.
Her excitement had died down and her eyes were swollen.
"I don’t want to see the kitties like this." She complained. "Let’s just go home, Daddy."
In other words, she no longer wanted her cinnamon rolls to go and play with cats.
Her mood had really been ruined.
But it wasn’t her fault, she was a child who could fall asleep over the smallest bit of exhaustion. She was beating herself up too much.
"Then, shall we come back another day?" Michael asked, patting her back. "We can come during the weekends."
"Really?" She asked and sniffed, still not raising her head though.
"Yeah, and after the pet café, we can go to the amusement park or maybe an aquarium. Anywhere you want to go, we’ll go." Michael suggested, but it looked like Olivia had something else in mind as she slowly raised her face, the snot on her nose drawing a long snorty line that connected to her father’s shoulder and showing her puffy eyes and nose.
"Can we go to Disneyland, then?" She asked and they all paused.
"You... You want to go to Disneyland?" Michael asked, and she nodded her head frantically.
Michael turned away. That might’ve been impossible if they were living alone like before, because they would be cautious of security, but with Noah...
"Alright." Noah answered right away, and Michael turned to him. "If it’s Disneyland or where you want to go in the world, just name it. We’ll go."
"Really, Daddy?" Olivia asked, surprised and Noah nodded. She looked towards Michael to make sure they weren’t joking, just to pacify her, and saw him sigh.
Right. She was her father’s daughter. And her father... Wasn’t exactly your ordinary father.
"Your father is one of the richest men in the world so you can believe him. On Saturday... We’ll go to Disneyland."
