Chapter 184: Chapter 171: It’s Okay If You Don’t Want to See Me
Seeing Gu Ning remain silent, and not wanting her to stand there in the wind, Alex lowered his hand and said, "If you don’t want to see me..."
"Alright." Gu Ning gripped the doorframe tightly, as if mustering immense courage, and spoke softly, "Let’s... talk."
Alex asked, "Can I come in?"
Cook let out a displeased growl, blocking the doorway with his body. He wrapped an arm around Gu Ning’s waist, posturing as if to pull her back inside.
Gu Ning patted his hand reassuringly, glanced back, and after a moment’s thought, took the bag of food from Alex’s hand and shoved it into Cook’s arms. She whispered a few words in his ear, ruffled the hair on his big head, and closed the door amidst his low grumbling.
Barto didn’t have a very good impression of Alex. If Alex went inside, he and Cook would likely cause a scene, making a proper conversation impossible.
Alex’s gaze softened as he watched Gu Ning’s actions.
After placating the big puppy, Gu Ning turned back to Alex.
"It’s too cold out here," Alex said. "Let’s go to the room next door, okay?"
Gu Ning hesitated for a moment, then shook her head. She tightened the shawl around her shoulders and said slowly, "Not much to say. We can do it... here."
Seeing her distant demeanor, Alex didn’t insist. ’The trust between us is now hanging by a thread,’ he thought, ’and it’s all a consequence of my own arrogance and selfishness.’
’I can’t make her feel insecure anymore.’
"Alright. I’ll be quick."
The moment Alex finished speaking, Gu Ning held out a note.
Alex took it.
[Are you hurt?]
At that moment, his heart felt as if it had been struck by a heavy hammer, a dull, aching throb unlike anything he’d ever experienced.
"I’m not badly hurt," Alex said, his voice a little hoarse.
Hearing this, Gu Ning thought, ’So he *is* hurt.’ Her gaze swept over him. Alex was wearing a standard, lightweight combat uniform. There were two scratches on the side of his face, but they didn’t look serious. As for the rest of his body, she couldn’t tell where he was injured.
’Beastmen have strong constitutions, and he’s an alpha wolf, so his physique must be even better. He should be fine.’
Seeing that his overall condition seemed fine, Gu Ning relaxed a little and handed him another note.
Alex saw that she was clutching a number of notes in her hand, so he didn’t interrupt. He simply took the next one, letting her finish saying what she wanted to say first.
[Thank you for taking care of me these past few days]
Alex’s fingers, clutching the note, tightened as his heart clenched for a moment.
"You don’t have to thank me." Alex chose his words carefully. "You’re a female. It’s not easy to survive in a place like Zone 19. It’s my duty to look after you."
Gu Ning was silent.
’So that was his answer regarding my identity. He sees me as a female, not a Mimic Mixed Species. That’s what he wanted to tell me.’
’But that’s not all I want to know.’
Alex moved a little closer to her. "I told you, I’ll send you to..."
Gu Ning interrupted Alex by handing him another note:
[When you first met me, did you think I was a Mimic Mixed Species? Is that why you wanted to teach me, because you thought I was a Mimic Mixed Species?]
The air fell silent. Alex looked at the note and didn’t answer her immediately.
The light in Gu Ning’s bright eyes dimmed.
Even though Alex was better at concealing his emotions than the average Beastman, she could find the answer in his hesitation.
’Before hearing from Kloer that I was a Mimic Mixed Species, I had only thought Alex considered me a Dwarf hybrid. I never imagined he might have also seen me as a Mimic Mixed Species. Though both are Mixed Breeds, the two are worlds apart. The latter could be a death sentence. Especially after I saw the military use a Mimic Mixed Species as a weapon and a tool to lure Mutant Species, the fear in my heart almost surpassed what I felt when Kuinan had captured me. At least Kuinan’s motive was clear—he was after me because I was a Mimic Mixed Species. But Alex... he might have thought I was one from the very beginning, slowly luring me in.’
She didn’t dare to imagine it. If Alex had believed she was a Mimic Mixed Species all along, if he wasn’t a good Beastman, if he hadn’t been... him...
A heavy hand rested on Gu Ning’s shoulder. She looked up. The usual calm and peace were gone from Alex’s eyes, but his tone was still steady as he said, "Yes."
Even though she had prepared herself, Gu Ning still felt as if she’d been struck over the head, her mind reeling slightly.
Alex’s grip on her shoulder tightened, steadying her. "I came to Zone 19 to take over the fortifications and defenses here," he said. "But I had another mission: to find a Mimic Mixed Species. Not to hand over to the military, but to bring back to Zone 5."
Gu Ning’s heart grew colder.
Alex continued, "It’s a bit complicated to explain, but even if you were a Mimic Mixed Species, I would never have handed you over to the military or hurt you in any way."
"You’re not a Mimic Mixed Species. I was certain of that ever since I found out you took Cook’s place at work." Alex leaned down, looking directly into Gu Ning’s eyes. "My reasons for wanting to take you back to Zone 5 have nothing to do with that. I understand you probably won’t believe me..."
"I believe you."
Gu Ning’s eyes were slightly red as she struggled with the awkward Beastman language. "I believe... that later, you were... good to me. That was real."
She wasn’t an idiot. Her experiences with Alex over the past few days were vivid in her mind. From his meticulous care and the attitude of Seth and the others toward her, she could tell that he really hadn’t seen her as a Mimic Mixed Species.
His kindness toward her was real, and his protection of her was real. There might be other reasons, but she couldn’t bring herself to think about them right now.
Alex sighed. "I’m sorry. It was my fault."
Gu Ning said, "I don’t... blame you. The answer... knowing it... is enough."
Alex had helped her so much, time and again. She couldn’t bring herself to blame him, but she couldn’t just calmly accept it all, either.
’If I didn’t trust his character, after having this suspicion, I never should have asked so directly. For my safety and the safety of Cook and the others, I should have just quietly run away. I wanted a definite answer from him. No matter what it was, it would set my mind at ease. At least he admitted it frankly. That makes me feel a little better.’
Alex couldn’t hold back any longer and pulled her into a hug. "It’s my fault. It’s all my fault."
’I was too arrogant, too selfish. I thought I could control everything, that I could keep Gu Ning by my side, but instead, I put her in even greater danger.’
"I know this has hurt you, that you can’t just accept it and move on." Alex held her and said in a low voice, "I’m not asking for your forgiveness. It’s okay if you don’t want to see me from now on. But until we leave Zone 19, please, just trust me for now."
Gu Ning’s nose tingled and her eyes grew hot. She stood there, unmoving.
CLANG— The door behind her was yanked open. Barto’s impatient voice shattered the sorrowful atmosphere. "Are you two done talking yet?"
"..."
SLAM— Barto slammed the door shut and leaned his back against it. He looked at the downcast Gu Ning and said, "Are you about to cry? Because I’m not going to hug and coddle you."
Gu Ning rubbed her eyes. She wasn’t crying. "You’re so annoying."
Cook sensed Gu Ning was unhappy and circled her anxiously, licking her face.
Barto grabbed the back of Cook’s neck and pulled him away, then asked Gu Ning, "Want to take a bath?"
Her train of thought interrupted again, Gu Ning shook her head. She didn’t want to trouble him and Cook to go fetch hot water. The three of them had been exhausted these past few days and were all nursing various injuries. It was better to cause less trouble and just rest for a couple of days to recover.
"Then eat. After you eat, get a good night’s sleep." Barto half-guided, half-pushed her to sit at the low table by the stove, which was already laden with food.
Gu Ning glanced at the familiar insulated lunch box on the table and fell silent again.
Barto picked up a meat bun, broke it open, and sniffed it. He placed the half with more filling into the bowl in front of her and tasted the other half himself. "Now that the Mutant Species are cleared out, the food’s gotten better."
Gu Ning silently picked up the meat bun and took a bite. It was, indeed, delicious.
Barto suddenly asked, "So, what are you thinking?"
