Chapter 192: Mood Swings and Pregnancy
Being pregnant felt utterly unreal in a way that I still couldn’t fully wrap my mind around or explain to anyone else, as if my body had suddenly transformed into its own separate, mysterious world overnight without any warning at all.
I am still a very young woman, who hadn’t seen the whole world—not even lived her life. Yes, I am a very successful woman—both in love and career. But this was a total unchartered area.
One moment I had been just me, navigating my everyday life with all its familiar rhythms and struggles, and the next I found myself carrying a tiny new life inside that made every single fear I harboured feel impossibly sharper and more urgent, while every fleeting joy burned brighter than ever before, and even the smallest physical sensation became impossible to ignore or brush aside.
The fear lingered there constantly, heavy and unyielding like a weight on my chest, but it became tangled up with a profound sense of wonder and a strange, quiet happiness that kept sneaking up on me when I least expected it to appear.
It was terrifying beyond words, yes, plunging me into doubts I never anticipated, but it was also beautiful in a deeply moving way that made my chest ache with a bittersweet fullness I had never known.
A baby.
There was a life inside me which will grow and call me ’mama.’ I will be its mother—everything is so surreal.
In a way, I am feeling like an oven with a bun inside of me.
I was dressed in soft, cozy house clothes that no longer felt as loose and carelessly thrown-on as they used to in my pre-pregnancy days, with the loose top draping gently over my still flat belly belly in a way that made me keep glancing down at it repeatedly, feeling half protective of what was growing there and half disbelieving that it was actually happening to me.
The comfortable bottoms sat lightly and gently on my hips without pressing into any spot that might cause discomfort or irritation, because everything I wore had transformed into a deliberate choice cantered on comfort now, all about softness, ease, and gentle support.
Even the smallest tight seam or scratchy fabric felt utterly unbearable against my skin when my emotions were already running so raw and heightened.
So, I kept adjusting my clothes without even meaning to do it consciously, as if making sure they still fit me properly somehow would help make the entire overwhelming reality of my pregnancy feel a little less dreamlike and surreal.
I sat squarely on Hellen’s lap because I had insisted on being physically close to her for comfort and reassurance, only to immediately act like I craved independence and space the very second, I got exactly what I had demanded in the first place.
My mood kept swinging wildly from a desperately needy omega to a sharply irritated to a warmly affectionate and back again so fast that even I, the one living through it, couldn’t keep up with the constant shifts inside me.
One second, I wanted all their attention focused solely on me, the next I wanted everyone to leave me completely alone in peace, and then I wanted them drawn right back again because I suddenly felt too exposed and vulnerable to be by myself even for a moment.
The hormones surging through my system made everything feel so much louder and more intense inside my head and heart, as if every single thought and emotion had been cranked up to maximum volume without my permission.
"I want to eat pastry and pickles at once, right now," I demanded forcefully, glaring at Ivory with all the intensity of someone who felt she had personally offended me just by existing as a barrier between me and my sudden, overpowering craving.
"But it will taste absolutely terrible if you mix them together like that," Ivory replied, frowning deeply at me as though she could still appeal to reason and logic in the face of my irrational demand.
Ana sighed heavily from her spot nearby, already wearing the resigned expression of someone who had fully accepted that this chaotic back-and-forth was simply how the entire day was destined to unfold without any hope of change.
"It’s her cravings kicking in strong—first trimester is absolutely full of these unpredictable urges," Ana explained matter-of-factly.
"I want to eat it all right this instant!" I said even louder, crossing my arms defiantly while still perched on Hellen’s lap, my voice rising with frustration. "If you truly love me like you say you do, then you will let me eat whatever I want without any more arguments."
That declaration made Ivory turn toward Ana immediately with genuine concern etched across her face, her eyes wide with worry.
"Will eating something like that actually affect her health or the baby’s health in a negative way?" Ivory asked urgently.
"Not necessarily at all," Ana replied in her usual practical tone, even if her expression carried the visible signs of tiredness from handling these moments all day long. "She’s craving it intensely, so her body can probably digest it just fine without any real issues."
I squirmed restlessly again in Hellen’s lap, growing more irritated by the second that they were talking around me as if I weren’t right there instead of listening directly to what I was demanding of them.
"Let me go right now—I can sit on the couch all by myself if you won’t listen!" I snapped petulantly.
"I have never seen you this moody or unpredictable before in all the time I’ve known you," Hellen said gently, though her voice carried a soft, amused undertone rather than any real annoyance or frustration.
That comment only made me glare at her even harder, because deep down I knew she was completely right about my behaviour, and that self-awareness only fuelled my embarrassment further.
I was moody beyond belief, emotional in waves I couldn’t control, and hungry in a way that felt utterly impossible to satisfy no matter what I tried.
One minute I wanted nothing but sweets to soothe me, the next I craved something salty and sour to cut through the sweetness, and then suddenly I wanted both combined at the same time just because my body seemed determined to confuse and torment me with these conflicting urges.
I didn’t even fully understand the cravings myself or where they came from; I only knew that when they hit with full force, they hit hard and relentlessly, and if I didn’t get exactly what I wanted soon enough, everything inside me turned restless, unhappy, and ready to lash out.
