Chapter 54: Ointment
《How did someone as wise as you end up in this state?》
Isn’t that just how humans are?
Even the wisest of men can’t hold onto their wisdom forever.
《My Duchess, why did you never asked for help despite all the suffering you have endured?》
You know why.
My stubbornness, and my thirst for knowledge, have led me here.
After such a tortuous journey, how could I simply let go of it all?
How could I seek help?
After I ignored all those warnings about the darker side of noble society, I had finally reached the place I dreamed of.
Had my father known of what was happening, I wouldn’t have graduated as the top student.
He would have demanded my return immediately.
Ironically, I hadn’t always had this desire for revenge, you know?
I was ready to forgive if any of them showed genuine regret and reflection.
I indeed used my family’s sacred tradition, but I have never intended to sully it.
Ultimately, I would marry the winner and live a happy life.
That was the Grand Ducal Betrothal’s purpose.
《So, would you choose Lord Deron or Lord Blund as your husband by the end of the Betrothal?》
Ha!
Choosing between Deron and Blund?
Isn’t that just a marvelous situation?
What would I do, I wonder...?
Now, I’m not even sure anymore.
I always kept those possibilities in mind, but now, they seem worthless.
Now, I don’t know anything.
No,
I don’t want to know everything.
《Please, please come to your senses! Where has the Duchess I served gone?》
Sorry, but I don’t understand.
Could you explain it to me?
Where do you think I’ve gone?
《My Duchess! Please! Should you continue walking on this path, something terrible might happen! Please return to your old self. I beg you.》
Ha!
What terrible thing could possibly happen now?
The worst has already happened.
Maybe...Instead of bearing this pain...I should have just died back then.
Perhaps that curse cast by the chieftain never existed. Instead, my entire existence was cursed.
After all, isn’t everyone suffering because of someone like me?
Thwak-!!
......G-Gelwood?
Did you just slap me...?
《Please! Give up this misguided attempt at vengeance! You’re not like Deron’s mob!》
Not like them?
...I am different then?
...It’s not very different in the end, isn’t it?
Just look at this.
I deserve to be hit just as much as anyone.
Just like Deron’s mob deserves it, I do too. So, what’s the difference?
《I shall accept any sort of punishment for my transgressions, My Duchess. However, please, do not ignore my words. You deserve to be loved.》
Hahahaha.
Hahaha.
Haha.
Ha.
Did you know, Gelwood?
No matter how much you try to hide it, your shadow will always be black.
Perhaps, I learned more things than I’d thought in the Academy.
In such a cherished place, maybe, I learned things I wasn’t supposed to.
Indeed,
Humans are animals that always learn during their lives, evolving with time, and adapting to their environment.
That’s how we became the dominant species in this world, isn’t it?
Wouldn’t the violence and abuse I endured for three years naturally leave an indelible mark on me?
Isn’t it inevitable that it became a part of me?
Maybe I just wanted to crush them, and that was why I dragged those four into the Grand Ducal Betrothal.
My claims of trying to guide them and make them repent were probably just the cowardice of the weak.
I pretended to be a just noble, thinking I was different from them.
It’s possible that I simply wanted to tear them apart privately rather than make those four pay for their crimes in an official manner.
I urged them into the same hell I lived in.
Yes,
I am nothing but a hypocrite.
Indeed
I’m the fool who tried and failed to catch a single runaway rabbit when she already had two.
Now I understand.
After being exposed to such filth, I’ve become corrupted as well.
So, don’t worry Gelwood.
As everyone wishes, I’ll stop this revenge.
I won’t dirty my hands further.
I’ll marry one of the remaining candidates.
However,
Just as my Father shall learn of his youngest daughter’s ugliness, the parents of the candidates must also learn of their children’s filth, shouldn’t they?
If there’s a family that still wishes to tie bonds with the Winterfell Grand Duchy even after knowing what their child has done, I will duly forgive them.
Let’s end it like that.
As everyone wishes.
Let’s all have a happy ending.
Just like that.
**
“Ah......”
Lumia sighed, exhausted by the maelstrom of emotions that afflicted her.
She had laughed, cried, and raged and now a sigh of emptiness followed.
Even though she had sent letters to the Caelid Duchy and the Rosfell Marquisate, such inexplicable sighs escaped her.
Was she regretting her actions now that everything was over?
Or she lamented not having done this sooner?
Perhaps Lumia was ashamed of her past self’s naivety, believing she could rid the world of their filth, only to end up being covered in it.
The young Duchess didn’t have an answer to such questions.
Her steps towards her personal castle were akin to a cattle being led to the slaughterhouse.
With a brief stop, Lumia looked at the night sky.
The moon, shining alone in the dark void seemed to resemble her, while the lone cloud drifting away in the horizon made her remember Elden, prompting a bitter smile.
Lumia lifted her bandaged left hand.
She tried to grab the cloud as it fled away.
Why did she feel the need to hold onto such a cloud?
Now that everything was way over, they would walk their separate paths, just like the lonely moon and this runaway cloud.
But why then, such a strong attachment clang to her?
She had read it in a book.
A phrase about needing to become a monster to catch a monster.
The author explained that capturing a strong monster required corresponding strength, but now she seemed to understand the underlying meaning.
She had become the villain she sought to catch.
She gazed into the wrong abyss and became dyed in its colors herself.
At the edge of her vision, the cloud drifted ever away from the moon.
Lowering her hand, Lumia still harbored the faint hope that the cloud would somehow return.
And then,
“...What are you doing?”
As if she was in a dream,
Elden Raphelion had appeared before her.
They met by chance as he rounded a corner.
Was this perhaps another cruel nightmare seeking to torment her?
Maybe a vain delusion.
Or perhaps, a pitiful reality?
Unable to know which one was the truth, Lumia’s lips moved in a daze.
“I...Was...Watching the clouds...”
Her trembling eyes captured a lovely silhouette approaching him.
A beautiful woman with violet hair that perfectly matched her red dress.
“So you have a lover...? She’s...Very pretty......”
“Don’t misunderstand. She is just accompanying me to an important occasion.”
“I see...”
“Your hand, what happened to it?”
Lumia, still dazed, looked at her bandaged hand.
The hand that had struck him.
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The hand suffered from her own nails digging into her flesh.
“My nails...I...Pressed it....”
“...You harmed yourself?”
Instead of answering him, Lumia laughed bitterly and stared at his cheek.
She had been scared of facing him, but her eyes naturally drifted towards his cheek, where she had once drawn blood.
And now, Lumia could see that his cheek was completely healed.
“...Your wound...It’s healed, isn’t it?”
Why?
Why was she feeling such an absurd sense of relief upon seeing his healed cheek?
Why was she feeling so sheepish before him?
Why couldn’t she even meet his eyes without her legs trembling?
“Yes.”
Hearing his answer, Lumia’s honest feelings burst forth.
“That’s good...”
Had an indelible scar formed, she wouldn’t have been able to face him.
Had there been a scar like the ones left on her body, she might have fainted.
So, it was indeed a relief.
The wound had healed as if it had never existed.
Of course, that didn’t mean her actions were forgotten.
“I...Should go...”
Lumia walked past Elden.
Her legs trembled, but she managed to walk on.
However, his voice reached her.
“Third Northern Duchess.”
Her steps halted.
She slowly turned around.
And then,
“Take this. It will prevent your wound from scarring.”
Elden approached her and handed her something.
It was a thin, round cylinder made of iron.
“Although this won’t help with old scars, it’s extremely effective for healing recent wounds.”
“......Why......?”
Why would you give this to me...?
Didn’t you hate me...?
As Lumia hesitated to accept it, Elden placed the cylinder directly in her right hand.
“I’ll be leaving now.”
And then, he turned away.
Suddenly, the cloud that miraculously had approached the moon began to fade away.
Lumia looked at the ointment in her hand.
Elden left after offering ointment for someone who had wounded him.
Elden left after expressing his concern for the hand that had clawed his cheek.
She couldn’t understand this man.
Had she been in his place, she wouldn’t have given anything. So, why did he offer such a gift to the one who had wounded him?
How could he forget the violence inflicted on him so easily?
How could he approach her with such calm and even offer his comfort despite all she had done?
Lumia couldn’t understand it.
She was aware her past actions had been utterly petty and unreasonable.
Moreover,
Everything she had done felt so...hollow now.
That must be why,
Drip-.
Tears welled up in her beautiful blue eyes.
Drop-.
Her grief burst forth.
As the drifting clouds began to darken in the night sky, the tears she had suppressed finally broke free.
The mouth that was always forced into a fake smile now began to weep.
Unable to bear the heaviness of her heart, Lumia collapsed onto the ground and wept for a long while.
“Sob...Sob...”
Just like in her Academy days,
And in the recent days,
Lumia watched Elden’s retreating figure.
Clenched in her hand stood his partying gift for her.
Shortly after,
A light rain began to fall from the sky.