Chapter 169: You don’t have to carry the guilt anymore
The drive back to the mansion was unusually quiet.
Leo had fallen asleep with his head resting on Ivy’s lap, completely unaware of the tension lingering in the car. Xander sat beside them in silence, his gaze fixed on the passing lights outside the window.
Earlier, Ivy had explained everything that had happened at the hospital—how she had helped a woman who collapsed at the flower shop and stayed until she regained consciousness.
She had assumed that telling him the truth would put his mind at ease.
Instead, his silence only made her more anxious.
Does he not believe me? She wondered.
Trying to push the thought aside, she looked down at the sleeping boy and gently brushed a strand of hair away from his forehead.
Before long, the car rolled to a stop in front of the mansion.
"I’ll take him," Xander said quietly, reaching over to lift Leo into his arms.
Ivy nodded and carefully transferred the sleeping child to him.
Together, they stepped inside.
Xander headed upstairs to tuck Leo into bed, while Ivy made her way to her own room, still troubled by the silence between them.
She had told him everything.
She had nothing to hide.
Yet his reaction continued to weigh on her mind.
Just as she reached the middle of the room, the door behind her clicked open.
She turned to find Xander standing in the doorway.
The moment he stepped inside and closed the door, Ivy walked straight toward him.
"Why aren’t you saying anything?" she asked, stopping only inches away.
She searched his face, unable to hide her concern.
"Do you... not believe me?"
The question slipped out before she could stop it.
She hadn’t expected his silence to bother her this much, but somehow it did.
Xander looked at her for a long moment, surprised by the worry in her eyes.
Only then did he realize what she had been thinking.
The tension in his expression softened.
Without saying a word, he reached for her hands, gently intertwining his fingers with hers. Then he lowered his forehead until it rested lightly against her shoulder.
"I wasn’t doubting you," he murmured.
His voice was quiet, almost strained.
"I was afraid something had happened to you."
The confession caught Ivy completely off guard.
Before she could respond, Xander slipped his arms around her and pulled her into a firm embrace.
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
"I thought..." he began, only for the words to fade away.
He couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence.
The mere possibility of losing her stirred memories he had spent years trying to bury.
After his parents died, Xander had convinced himself that he no longer knew how to feel deeply for anyone. He believed that part of him had disappeared with them.
But Ivy—and Leo—had quietly proved him wrong.
Somewhere along the way, they had become the people he wanted to protect above all else.
And the thought of losing them awakened the same fear and helplessness he had experienced as a child.
Ivy stood motionless, absorbing every word.
When the realization finally settled in, her own expression softened.
Slowly, she wrapped her arms around him and returned the embrace.
"It’s okay," she whispered gently. "Nothing happened to me."
She rested her cheek against his shoulder, hoping her presence alone would ease the fear he had been carrying.
"I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere."
***
Xander let out a quiet sigh.
The two of them sat side by side on the bed, his arm wrapped around Ivy while she absentmindedly brushed a few strands of hair away from his forehead.
The silence between them was no longer uncomfortable, but thoughtful.
After a moment, Ivy spoke.
"You don’t have to carry this guilt anymore, Xander."
Her words caught him off guard.
He looked at her, ready to protest, but she gently placed a hand over his.
"Just listen to me first."
Her voice was soft but resolute.
To the outside world, Raven had always been known as a ruthless assassin—a woman who carried out missions without hesitation or remorse. Most people believed she was incapable of emotion.
But that wasn’t entirely true.
She had simply learned to bury those emotions so deeply that very few people ever got to see them.
And now, looking into Xander’s troubled eyes, she found herself regretting the mission that had brought them together in the first place.
"It’s not your fault that I was shot that night," she said quietly.
She held his gaze, making sure he didn’t look away.
"I made the choice to protect you."
Xander’s expression tightened.
"You don’t understand—"
"No," she interrupted gently. "You don’t understand."
She squeezed his hand.
"The decision was mine. No one forced me. So don’t keep blaming yourself for something I chose to do."
For a long moment, neither of them spoke.
Ivy’s thoughts drifted back to that night.
When she, as Raven, had raised the gun toward Xander, she hadn’t paused to calculate the risks or think about the consequences. Ivy’s body had moved on instinct.
She had stepped in front of him without hesitation. And in that instant, she had come to understand something about the original Ivy as well.
The woman who had once lived this life wasn’t driven by greed or selfish ambition. If she had been, she would never have risked her own life to shield someone else from a bullet.
Perhaps that was why Ivy had rushed to help a stranger at the flower shop earlier that day.
Some people simply couldn’t turn their backs on those in need.
Xander looked at the woman beside him, his eyes softening.
Finally, he reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I know you made that choice," he said quietly. "But knowing that doesn’t make the thought of losing you any easier."
A faint smile touched Ivy’s lips.
"Then don’t waste time blaming yourself."
She rested her head lightly against his shoulder.
"Just be grateful that I’m still here."
This time, Xander didn’t argue.
Instead, he tightened his embrace ever so slightly, silently thankful that he still could.
"By the way, who was the woman you helped earlier?" he inquired after a long pause.
Ivy looked at him and responded. "Hailey"
