Chapter 38: Chapter THIRTY EIGHT — EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
Ragnor
"Didi-" I started, my voice coming out thick and hoarse.
"No! Don’t Didi me!" She gasped, shaking her head vigorously. Hot tears slipped down her reddened cheeks. "Did I just hear you right? Did my ears fail me, Ragnor? Did you just... did you just cum down my throat while moaning her name?"
The word landed like a slap to my face, streaking across my cheek while my head replayed the name I had groaned over and over in my head.
I had messed up big time. I reached a hand out for her. "Deidre, it was a mistake. I-"
"Don’t touch me!" She scrambled back, slapping my hand away.
More tears fell, fast and angry, streaming down her face, and it sent hot streaks of guilt through me.
"I can’t... I can’t believe this," she cried, her eyes filling up with tears.
There was a broken look on her face that I wanted to wipe away. I opened my mouth and closed it again.
What was I supposed to say? That it meant nothing? That she was imagining things? Every excuse I reached for crumbled before I could voice it because they were all lies.
"Y-You were tired and frustrated. I wanted to help you, I wanted to give you pleasure and you... Ragnor... I... you’re thinking about that... That thing? The same slut who killed your brother?"
The word struck a chord in my heart, why did Deidre have to remind who Candy was? She curled her arms around herself, looking so pale I thought she would crash to the floor.
It felt like I could still feel the phantom grip of Candace’s body clenching around my fingers in that shower hours ago, and it made me sick to my stomach. Sick, and something else I refused to name. Something that sat low in my chest and burned every time I tried to smother it.
Terror stirred against my chest, accusing me, reminding me that my mate would definitely have felt every single bit of me fucking Deidre.
Every instinct screamed at me to run, to find Candace, to explain, to somehow undo what I had done to her, how fucking good it felt crying out her name instead.
The thought made me feel terribly ill. Ugly guilt twisted deeper in my chest. I hated how she wouldn’t leave my head. I hated that even now Candace was still there — a ghost I couldn’t exorcise no matter how hard I tried.
Deidre dropped to the floor with a thump, and the guilt doubled. I moved quickly, kneeling in front of her, reaching for her again. "Baby girl, please. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,"
She shoved at my chest weakly. "No! Don’t patronize me, Ragnor! You fucked me thinking it was her. You... You used me. Ragnor, how could you do this to me? How could you..."
Her shoulders shook with sobs, her pretty green eyes teary and rimmed red from crying. Shit. I had to fix this somehow.
I pulled her into my arms, murmuring against her hair how sorry I was. She fought for a second, pushing weakly, but then collapsed against my chest, sobbing harder.
"I’m sorry, Dee. I don’t know what happened, I swear it’s not what you’re thinking,"
Another lie, Ragnor, Terror grunted in my head, and I growled back at him in response. I didn’t need this right now. I had deeply hurt Deidre.
"It’s her you want, isn’t it?! It’s always been her even after all this-"
"It’s you," I rushed out quickly, ignoring the truth in her words. "It’s you, Deidre,"
My hands slid down her cheek, cupping her face and tilting her head back. "I want you, Deidre,"
She sniffled, and for a millisecond, her green eyes had this devious look, but I must have imagined it because it was gone in a blink.
"Do you love her?"
My heart slammed against my chest with the force of a flying bullet. I froze, my Adam’s apple bobbing as I swallowed.
What?
"Do... Do I love her?" My brows snapped together. "Of course not."
Terror scoffed in my head. Stats show that repeating a question after you’be been asked means you’re lying. Keep lying to yourself.
I ignored him, hugging Deidre to my chest.
"I love you," I murmured into her hair, the words felt as heavy as the entire building on my tongue. "You know that. You’re the one I chose. The one we all chose."
She clung to me, fingers digging into my shoulders. "Then prove it," she whispered, her voice muffled against my skin.
"If you truly love me... if you and your brothers truly love me... prove it tomorrow at the coronation."
The request hit me like cold water. Tomorrow? I held her tighter, stroking her back as she cried. The clock on her nightstand read 11:47 PM. We had been at this for hours. I was exhausted, well, at least my body and mind were, but sleep felt impossible.
The exhaustion went bone-deep, the kind that rest couldn’t fix. I hated it. I hated how much space she took up in my head. I hated that no amount of holding Deidre seemed to shrink it.
I hated that I was still here, arms wrapped around the woman I had chosen, and somehow still feeling like I was in the wrong place.
"I’m sorry," I whispered again, pressing a kiss to Deidre’s temple. "I’m so sorry, baby. I’ll fix it. I swear."
She sniffled, pulling back just enough to look at me. For a split second, something flickered in her green eyes before she buried her face in my neck again, whimpering.
"I know you will because you love me."
I held her close, neither affirming or denying her statement because I couldn’t bring myself to lie for the third time tonight.
Tomorrow’s coronation loomed in my mind like a storm on the horizon. How on earth was I supposed to prove that I loved her and not Candace at the coronation?
