Chapter 53: Chapter 53: Don’t Let My Pride Be Sold at a Loss
Having just watched *Natural Born Killer*, Duan Fei easily recognized the figure. He looked like he had walked straight off the silver screen.
He was a burly figure, over two meters tall, and wore a hockey mask splattered with dried blood.
The heavy chainsaw seemed like a small toy in his hands, wielded effortlessly by the towering killer.
What was especially terrifying was the string of human-skin masks hanging from his waist. Each face was twisted in fear and despair, reinforcing his whole "killer" vibe.
’It all looks very realistic, and the chainsaw’s roar is certainly loud,’ Duan Fei thought, ’but this Evil God has no imagination.’
’All you know is how to rip characters straight from movies. Ever hear of innovation?’
’Wouldn’t a gender-bent version be way more thrilling? Getting a peek of a side-boob through a gap in some overalls is one of my lifelong dreams!’
The killer raised his chainsaw and charged at Duan Fei, roaring, "Duan Someone 2, you’re the one I want to kill most!"
"Are you sure?" Duan Fei asked.
"I’m sure."
Between the movie he’d just seen and the fat clerk Jack’s explanation, Duan Fei already understood the various rules of *Natural Born Killer*.
The protagonist had been tormented and killed by a group of bullies as a child. His lingering resentment attached itself to his mask, which sank to the bottom of a lake.
Decades later, another murdered, mentally disabled child fell into the water and accidentally put on the mask, beginning a new cycle of revenge.
The movie did alright, spawning a trilogy and a bunch of cash-grab spin-offs, prequels, mom-quels, dad-quels, and the like, making the director a fortune.
After reviewing the killer’s backstory in his mind, Duan Fei quickly changed his name and said, "But I’m your father."
The Mask’s chainsaw stopped just above Duan Fei’s head.
He was about to refute Duan Fei’s ridiculous claim, but as he looked at him, he saw that the man’s name had changed to "Mask’s Father."
"Father?"
"That’s my boy!"
"Die!"
The chainsaw came crashing down. Duan Fei instinctively activated his [Spiritual Armor] and rolled away, dodging the attack.
His attack having missed, the Mask roared in fury, "It’s you! You’re the one who caused my suffering, who filled me with despair! How dare you show your face to me again!"
’Damn it, so it’s one of those loving father-son relationships! Director, what the hell did you add in the sequels?!’
Raising his Crowbar, Duan Fei used it to block the incoming chainsaw.
With his [Spiritual Armor] active, a faint blue layer of armor constantly surrounded Duan Fei. One-third of its effect bolstered his other Attributes, giving him twice the Power of a normal person.
However, the Mask was a melee Monster. His bulging muscles could probably rival Junko’s from the last instance. Duan Fei was already using all his strength just to block the blow.
Duan Fei decisively retreated, putting a safe distance between them, and quickly changed his name again.
Holding up a hand to stop him, Duan Fei forced a gentle smile. "There, there, I’m your mom."
The Mask froze again.
Looking at Duan Fei, he saw that the man’s name had now changed to "Mask’s Mother." He asked hesitantly, "Mother?"
"That’s right. Put down the chainsaw and come get a hug from your mother."
"But your gender..."
"Had some work done in Thailand."
"And your age..."
"Had a little touch-up in South Korea."
"And your height..."
"Why so many damn questions! Do you want a hug or not!"
"I do..."
The Mask dropped his chainsaw and buried his face in Duan Fei’s chest, nuzzling him like a puppy.
"Mother, I missed you so much..."
’Phew, good. At least this isn’t another one of those loving mother-son relationships.’
"What?"
"There, there. I missed you, too."
"I’ve killed so many people, but I didn’t really want to. I just can’t control myself. Am I still a good boy?"
"Not really, but you can try to be better from now on."
"Okay. I want you to sing me a lullaby, Mother. The one that goes, ’Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...’"
"You’re asking for too much!"
"Mother, I’m losing control..."
Staring at the hulking killer who was now threatening him with a puppy-dog face, Duan Fei sighed in resignation and began to sing softly:
"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur..."
"Softer. And stroke my hair while you sing."
’Looking at the Mask’s tangled mop of hair, Duan Fei felt he must have had eight lifetimes’ worth of bad luck to be reduced to singing a lullaby to a horror movie boss.’
But he had no choice.
After all, the Mask had an Undying Body. He could regenerate even if he were burned to ash.
The mask on his face was a Divine Artifact that could slowly repair itself even if shattered. In the movie, there was simply no way to kill him.
With no other choice, he could only ruffle the killer’s hair and continue singing.
Before long, Little Fatty, finally done with the bathroom, emerged with a nervous look on his face. He called out from the doorway, "Duan Someone, are you in there?"
"Shut up!" Duan Fei hissed. "He was just about to fall asleep, and you woke him up!"
"Huh?"
Seeing the behemoth lying in Duan Fei’s lap, with the chainsaw resting nearby, Little Fatty’s heart skipped a beat. His freshly emptied bladder was suddenly full again.
"Duan Someone, do you have a spare pair of pants?"
"Just use your body heat."
"Oh."
Little Fatty could only clamp his legs together and slowly shuffle back to the screening room.
Jack was just about to start the second movie. Seeing that only Little Fatty had returned, he asked in confusion, "Where’s Duan Someone 2?"
"He’s playing house with the Mask."
"Kids these days play pretty wild, huh? To actually awaken the Mask’s maternal instincts."
"Duan Someone is the one playing the mother."
"Even wilder!"
Jinghong shot Little Fatty a sidelong glance, saying with displeasure, "You just came back without doing anything?"
"Hey, I’m just a weakling. What was I supposed to do?"
"You could have at least recorded a video to send me. I might have raised my opinion of you a little."
"You’re a savage!"
After fifteen minutes, Duan Fei finally returned.
And with him was the Mask.
The enormous Mask was carrying Duan Fei on his shoulder. With a doting expression, he set Duan Fei down on the leather sofa, then sat down and snuggled up close beside him.
"You are all Mother’s friends. I really want to slaughter you, but Mother says I can’t. Mask is a good boy. Mask listens to Mother."
Seeing the Mask clinging to Duan Fei like an affectionate puppy, Bald Qiang sidled up to him and whispered, "What did you do to get this guy to listen to you?"
"My dignity."
"...My condolences. So what’s the plan now?"
Ruffling the Mask’s hair, Duan Fei said with a sigh, "I guess we’ll make use of this big guy. At least then I won’t feel like I sold my dignity for nothing."
