Chapter 123: Cowardice
Lucien had been walking through the palace for nearly half an hour before he admitted to himself that he was stalling. He checked the training grounds first. Aveloria was not there. He went to the council chamber. Empty. He passed by the war room. Galen was inside with three captains, but Aveloria was not with them. Finally, he turned toward her study. Two guards stood outside the carved oak doors. They bowed when they saw him.
"Is she inside?" Lucien asked.
One of them shook his head. "No, my lord. Her Highness retired to her chambers earlier."
Lucien gave a short nod. "Thank you."
He walked away before they could say anything else. He had rehearsed what he wanted to say many times in his head. Each time, it had sounded clear and reasonable. Now that he was closer to her, the words felt heavier.
He walked through the connecting halls, past a grand staircase, and down the corridor that led to the royal family’s private quarters. The corridor leading to her chambers was quiet, the kind of quiet that made footsteps echo off the stone. His footsteps were steady, and his boot made soft sounds. He passed by servants who pressed themselves against the wall to let him by, their eyes dropping to the floor. He didn’t acknowledge them. His focus was on the door at the end of the hall that led to Aveloria’s chambers.
When he reached her chambers, he paused outside the door for a moment. He listened. He could hear movement inside. Voices. The sound of drawers opening and closing.
He knocked.
There was a brief shuffle inside, then the door opened. A maid opened the door. She was young, with her hair pulled back tight.
"My lord." She bowed.
"Is she inside?" He asked.
"Yes, my lord." She stepped aside quickly to let him in. "Please come in."
Lucien stepped past her. Two other maids were inside the room. One was folding dresses carefully and placing them inside a trunk. Another was wrapping books in cloth before stacking them into a wooden crate. The room was in disarray. Wardrobes stood open, and the surface of her vanity was cleared of its usual bottles of fragrances and brushes. Jewelry boxes lay uncovered on the vanity.
Aveloria stood at the center of the room, holding a small stack of papers in her hand. When she turned and saw him, her entire expression changed. Her mouth curved into a genuine smile, softening her features. She looked genuinely pleased to see him.
"Lucien."
The way she said his name made something in his chest tighten.
Lucien walked further into the room. "We need to talk in private." He said.
She glanced at the maids. "That will be all for now. Please finish the packing later."
The maids bowed and quickly exited the room. The door shut behind them.
Aveloria set the papers down on the desk. She smoothed her skirt and walked towards him. "I was going to send for you later. I am moving some of my things to the temple. I’ll be staying at the temple for a while to begin my training. That’s why everything looks like this..." She gestured vaguely at the mess of her room.
Lucien looked at the trunk, at the half-packed belongings. He just nodded.
Aveloria studied his face. Her smile faded slightly, replaced by a look of curiosity. "What did you want to talk about?"
He hesitated. He had rehearsed this. He had told himself he would say the words and leave. But standing here, seeing her happy, it made it harder. He didn’t want to be the one to wipe that look off her face. He could stay a little longer. He could wait until after she left for the temple. He could delay this conversation. But he was here now. He has to do it.
"I’m leaving," he said.
The curious look on her face faded. The smile disappeared completely. She took a step closer to him, her brow furrowing as if she hadn’t heard him correctly.
"Leaving?" She repeated.
"Yes."
"What do you mean by leaving?" Her fingers curled slightly at her sides. "Leaving for where?"
"I am going out of Lycanthria for a while."
She walked closer to him until there was barely a step between them. He could smell the faint scent of the soap she used. "Why?"
He didn’t answer right away.
"Why are you leaving all of a sudden?" She pressed. "Did something happen?"
"No."
"Did I do something wrong? If I offended you in some way, I didn’t mean to."
"No, it’s not about you. Aveloria, you didn’t do anything wrong."
"Then what is it? Is it the palace? Is it the council? The guards? The maids? Galen? Theron? Are you uncomfortable here? Because if there’s an issue, we can fix it. Whatever it is, we can fix it."
Lucien shook his head once. "It’s none of that."
"Then what is it?" she demanded, her voice rising slightly.
He exhaled slowly. "It’s about me. I’ve always been an adventurer. I travel. I fight. I move. That’s what I am. I’ve been inside these walls too long. I’m not sure I want to be hooded up in the palace anymore. I don’t want to be confined to palace halls and council meetings."
Aveloria looked at him for a long moment. As her eyes searched his face, he had the feeling she understood more than he was saying.
"You knew what being bonded to me would involve," she said quietly.
"I did."
"And yet you’re leaving now. When everything is unstable."
"I didn’t promise to stay forever."
She looked hurt, but she didn’t look surprised. "You’re restless."
"Yes."
"That’s not the only reason."
He met her eyes. "It’s enough of a reason."
Aveloria folded her arms. "Is it?"
He didn’t answer.
She took a breath and steadied herself. "You don’t have to go. You can stay. I need you here, Lucien."
He shook his head. "You don’t need me."
"I do."
"I’m not the only one who can fight off wanderers," Lucien replied.
"That’s not what I mean." She countered.
"Then what do you mean?"
"I just need you by my side." Aveloria’s voice was firm
The words were clear and direct. He looked at her without reacting.
"We’ve been planning strategies against the wanderers. We’ve been finding out secrets, making progress. That doesn’t happen without you. I need your strength. I need your insight. And I can’t bear to be away from you for so long anymore. Not with everything happening." She reached for his hand, but Lucien stepped back, out of reach. Her hands hung in the air for a moment before she lowered them.
