Chapter 86: Chapter 86 - Powerless
Lilith exited the bathing chamber and sat upon the bed, waiting patiently for Cassian to arrive. It still troubled her that she did not possess many dresses, nor even a proper nightgown with which to seduce her husband, but, as always, she would make do with what she had.
"I should have prepared wine. Is it too late to send someone before he arrives?" Lilith wondered as she rose from the bed, her bare feet brushing against the cool stone floor.
Just then, the doors opened.
"Lilith, there is," Cassian stopped short as he found her standing by the bed, wrapped in a blanket. The sight was peculiar. "Are you waiting for your maid?"
Cassian closed the doors so the soldiers outside would not get a glimpse of Lilith.
"No, I have been waiting for you. We have prolonged our wedding night long enough. You would agree, would you not?" Lilith asked, dropping the blanket from around her shoulders. "Unfortunately, all I had were new dresses for the wedding and coronation. Not a single gown to seduce you."
"But," Lilith continued, closing the gap between them, "it seems I have already accomplished that. You must lift your gaze if you are to meet my eyes, Cassian. It is rude not to look your wife in the eye when speaking."
Cassian did as Lilith asked. His gaze did not falter once it locked with hers.
Lilith stood before him and placed her hand upon his chest. "Sometimes, you are very good at taking orders. A trait that works in your favour with me. Do not speak of anything else tonight," she said, working to unbutton his shirt. "Pleasing your wife is your only duty tonight."
Cassian stood still, letting Lilith undress him. He knew it was her goal to have a child, and though it was too soon, he was blinded by the prospect of intimacy.
After reaching the last button, Lilith looked up at him.
"You must speak, Cassian. Or are you deciding whether to end the night here?" she asked, pressing her hand to his muscular chest. "How lovely," she murmured, running her hand down his torso and stopping at his trousers. "If you do not want this, then tell me. I shall dress and wait for our dinner."
"Lilith," Cassian said, her name escaping his lips with a tone that startled her. It was intimate, almost yearning.
Lilith stared at him, trying to place what was going on inside his mind. Did he truly yearn for her? How could he, when he had never truly known her before their return?
"Cassian-"
Lilith did not finish her sentence before Cassian leaned down, pressing his lips against hers. All reason fled as he sought to enjoy the moment presented to him.
The one thought urging him to pull back was that Lilith was not yet in love with him.
"Dammit," Cassian cursed, pulling away from the kiss just before Lilith surrendered to it.
Lilith’s brows furrowed as she tried to comprehend him. "I am giving myself to you, and you are pulling away. I do not understand you. You were trying this very morning to have me interested in you, and now I am giving you what you want, you are pulling away."
She stepped back from him. "Is it because I mentioned bearing your heir, and you do not wish to have a child with me? Is that it?"
Cassian caught her hand to stop her from leaving his side. "That is not it, Lilith. You are not in love with me."
Lilith waited for another answer, but when none came, she laughed bitterly. "You do not wish to be intimate because we are not in love? Cassian, you must be serious. When you asked to take me as your wife and make me queen, I was not in love with you, yet that did not stop you."
"Rather than say you forced my hand to marry you, I will be kind and think of it as an arranged marriage. There is no love in most arranged marriages at the start, but if we are fortunate, we may reach it. We have duties, not only as husband and wife, but as royals," Lilith said, her voice edged with annoyance.
"Unhand me," Lilith commanded. "Another disappointing night. Why am I putting forth so much effort into our duties? There will not be love between us any time soon, but there has been mutual understanding, and we have been cordial."
Lilith sighed. "Let go of me so I may get dressed. It is embarrassing to stand before you naked."
"You do not need to rush to have a child. Your safety is my only concern."
Lilith gritted her teeth, frustrated that Cassian did not fully grasp her position. "If you are truly concerned about me, then you would understand my predicament. I hold no power in the castle. You are of the Mortimer family, and you command the army. I stand alone."
"You do not stand alone. I am present for you and stand by you," Cassian assured her.
"That does not mean much to me outside this chamber," Lilith snapped, her voice trembling despite her effort to sound composed. "Without caring for your heir, my position will always be questioned. There will always be someone ready to put forward a lady from a reputable family with support to aid you."
"And when that day comes, I will be cast aside. I cannot help you," Lilith argued. She wasn’t fully confident Cassian would keep killing his relatives for her sake.
Lilith had gone all her life struggling to help herself, and the weight of it pressed harder now.
"Who is going to care that I can poison someone?" Lilith asked bitterly, her hands curling into fists. "I have no family to back me, and the Beaufort name is worthless now. An heir is important. Without one, I am nothing but a woman clinging to borrowed power."
"With a child, I would have less to fear, less to lose. But without it," Lilith’s voice faltered, and she swallowed hard, forcing herself to continue. "You may say it is all well because you are protected."
Lilith’s eyes burned, and for a moment she let the truth slip through her mask. "I am not protected. I shall always be alone, and eventually, I will be abandoned. Cast aside as if I never mattered."
"Lilith," Cassian whispered, approaching to place his hand upon her cheek. "For as long as I live, you will not be cast aside. A child will not keep you at my side. My love for you will."
